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Share Source: AP Photo/Alex Brandon House Democrats passed HR 1, a complete, federal takeover of elections, earlier this year. Senate Democrats hope to bring the bill to the upper chamber, though it faces a steep hurdle with the 60-vote threshold for major legislation. The bill has been argued to be unconstitutional by legal experts, but Democrats are set on sending it to President Joe Biden’s desk. In addition to giving the federal government more power over elections, HR 1 would also ban voter identification laws. New polling from a GOP-aligned group, One Nation, shows Americans still favor voter identification laws to ensure integrity in elections. Respondents also overwhelmingly agreed that states are the best entities to have jurisdiction over elections than the federal government.
0 rules. these aren t democratic values or republican values. these aren t 1% values or 99% values. they re american values. as he ran for re-election, obama offered implicit message to voters, i may not be able to enact this but give me a chance at the ballot box and maybe things will change. the frustration i have right now is that we still need to break the fever here in washington so this town operates and reflects those values that are shared by people all across the country. but here we are today, now nine months after his re-election and that fever is still raging. since the election obama did manage to raise taxes. in the state of the union address earlier this year, obama called for raising the federal minimum wage, a popular measure that last passed in 2007 with bipartisan majorities, signed into law by president bush. this time there wasn t a single republican vote for it in the house, which brings us back to the limits of what obama can do to boost the economy. he s got all he can handle just to maintain the status quo. i want to bring in jamel, staff writer from newsweek and the daily beast, rick perlstein, ana marie cox, and josh barrow, business insider. we took a tour of the last four-plus years there. i thought the context might be helpful because when i saw obama pivoting to jobs headlines this week, i thought, i ve seen this 62 times in the last 4 1/2 years. let s look at the bigger picture. it s an interesting sort of story that broke overnight, an interview the president gave to the new york times that was published overnight. he gave it to the times in illinois before his speech this week. we actually have they put the video online. argue that leveling the playing field and winner take all economy, it s interesting that message doesn t seem to have created the political moment for democrats that you would think it would. there s polling that came out during the election that showed more people than ever see a widening gap between rich and poor. more people than ever see a class conflict between rich and poor. but somehow that doesn t translate into political momentum. i think it has to do with the fact that americans refuse to stop identifying themselves as middle class. americans, same percentage of americans identified as middle class today as they did 20 years ago. i think they have trouble latching onto this message we need to grow the middle class. even though what s happening is that middle class is staying stagnant as rich become richer and richer. jamel, what do you make of that politically when you see what the president said in his speech this week, a start of a series of speeches and you hear what he s saying this in this interview, is there a change here you re picking up on 2? i think there s a slight i ve been in washington long enough to know that if once a week i m not talking about jobs, the economy and the middle class, all manner of distraction fills the void. i think that s right. i think one reason to pivot away from the deficit is we ve had a huge change in the fiscal picture. he president talked about this, deficit has been cut in half since the bottom of the recession. even if the white house was correct to focus on deficit reduction, they ve gotten done. the sequester, even though nobody likes it, did a fair bit to reduce the deficit. now the ratio of the size of the debt to economy is going to stabilize even if there s no policy change. i think the president s been struggling to communicate that. i think the public perception is that the government s finances are in a dire position so there s no room to do stimulus measures. and i think he needs to convince people about the way the government budget actually looks. you also see this on the broader economy. the president is trying to send this message in intention with itself. he s talking about, see how better everything has gotten and all the things i ve been blocked from doing to make it better pipg it s a difficult rope for him to walk. he s trying not to just sell a policy agenda but change the public s perception of the way the economy and the fiscal situation are. rick, we talked about this on this show before and jamel and josh get into it, the challenge of convinces people to abandon that deficit, always bad no matter what. must be top priority in fighting them. can he overcome that? well, no wonder the public is confused. i mean, he really messes them up when he said well, nobody says i had a big home run and on the other hand, look how great i am at bunting. he said, i ve lowered the deficit in 60 years. these are very much in intention. they re the opposite. also he is trying to sell a story about republican destruction but then he says, look how many good, honorable republicans there are out there. he says, republicans like spending money, too, and he went back to abraham lincoln. he s not telling an effective story about the way the world is, which is his job and i think he s fundamentally failing at that. this is from wednesday. he talked about, this drives a lot of people on the left, the grand bargain floated from time to time. this is he seemed to hint at that in his speech. let s just play a clip from that. i will be saying to democrats, we ve got a question moral assumptions. we have to be willing to redesign or get rid of programs that don t work as well as they should. we ve got to be willing to we ve got to embrace changes to cherish priorities so that they work better in this new age. so, i m a little confused what to make of it, too, based on what he said in the new york times interview and wednesday. we ll try to reconcile those things. at farmers, we make you smarter about insurance. because what you don t know, can hurt you. what if you didn t know that posting your travel plans online may attract burglars? 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0 states. under our constitution he has to be born here to be president. ohio republican primary voters, 37% they do not think barack obama was born here. just 2 in 5 say the president was american born and, therefore, a legitimate president. when you ask the president s religion, this gets scary. a majority of all voters don t take him at his word. just 49%. this is all voters, say he s a christian, which is what he says he is. and 30% of republicans and 34% of conservative republicans say obama is a muslim. simple as that. here is the point. these bad numbers, saying twice wrong, these 34%, twice what they were four years ago. when he came in people took him at face value. i m american born, obviously. i got a whole history, it was announced when i was born in honolulu, in all the papers there, and i am what i am, a christian. i go to this church that caused him a lot of trouble. do we remember that? he went to a church, jeremiah wright s church that got him in all the trouble. why did we change from that to this they re all becoming donald trumps, mini trumps. my ex lplanation for it is fear. it s not based on a study of genealogical history. it s fear. and among a certain part of this population, this country, which you showed there on the charts, they think that president obama is on a mission to rob the american people of their freedom. that s why he killed bin laden. yes. that s why he s almost destroyed now al qaeda, which you said he would do. i m just saying that s their world view, and the fear expresses itself in the idea that this man must be someone else. he must be another. he must be a hidden person. he must have an agenda that s hidden for some reason. yo, i want to point out some things republicans are watching. i just want to point out a couple things. your stock market, 401(k) has doubled. not because of obama, but he i wish life were simpler. the fear is legitimate. the fear is real. i wish my life were simpler. we love the 50s. i did too, but a lot of people had no reason to love the 50s. didn t get the civil rights bill through until the 60s. it seems like joe biden is a familiar figure 60 years ago. barack obama, of course, has an exotic name, an freezing rain name. he s not an unusual fellow. these aren t strange personalities. leon panetta is the most common, regular someone you would have met 100 years ago. is the democratic party that new age that they scare people. maybe i m part of that reality. i don t see them as strange at all. it goes back to the propaganda factor. it s not just that rush and fox and those guys say something, it s that we say the other thing. if we say that barack obama isn t a muslim, that must not be true because we re the liberal media, we re the mainstream media, and nothing we can say we say can be trusted. i have called an anti-posture for years. just saying no to everything. thank you, guys. i think you nailed it. it s psychological. anyway, howard fineman and joe klein, thank you. coming up, it s not ignorance it s cycle. could barack obama be the democrats ronald reagan. there s a big thought. it comes from andrew sullivan and the front cover of news week. he says obama has a chance to transform american politics in the next four years if he gets the next four years. world leaders seek his guidance. presidential candidates don t dare reject his invitations. bill clinton has become president of the world, but today mitt romney also is there genuflecting at the clinton global initiative today. we know who he wants to win the presidency this time, his name is barack obama, and next time her name is hillary rodham clinton. there s been no shortage of reaction to what happened at the end of last night seahawks/packers game. what could make wisconsin governor scott walker become pro union? how about lousy reffing? we ll be right back. the lone receiver to the left. the packers playing at the goal line. as wilson struggles to keep it alive. the game s final play. it s a wilson lob to the end zone which is fumbled by tate with jennings simultaneous. who has it? who did they give it to? touchdown! two different signals by two different refs. one result. the anti-union pro-packers governor of wisconsin, scott walker, wants the union reps back on the field after the substitute refs gave that catch and game to seattle. finally let me finish with this republican plan to keep plaques from voting. i m not going to stop talking about it. it s a shame that the party of lincoln is involved in a multistate effort to keep people who are freed by lincoln from voting. this is haum hardball, the place for politics. but how am i going to fund it? and i have to find a way to manage my cash flow better. [ female announcer ] our wells fargo bankers are here to listen, offer guidance and provide you with options tailored to your business. we ve loaned more money to small businesses than any other bank for ten years running. so come talk to us to see how we can help. wells fargo. together we ll go far. take a look at this head scratcher of a poll number from the new cnbc poll. on the question of whether the economy is better off now than it was four years ago, 55% say the economy is worse, just 22% say it s better. yet when asked which candidate is better for the economy, 43% say president obama, 34% only 34% say mitt romney. put that one together, those sets of numbers. we ll be right back. yet when asked which candidate
example, believed he was born in the u.s. the rest are to one degree or the other birthers. and just to make you feel a little better about that and let you ow how low information these voters are on the right, catch this. two-thirdsf reblicans say there were weapons of mass destructionnrahe o tr g the in 2003. do they have amnesia? have they been buried in their basements the last nine years? what explains this many people being so out to lunch they don t even remember how w, remember him, he was president, blew his whole reason for sending our troops in there in the first ace. w pee seless. this may explain why romney is in trouble, people think his party is out of it. joining me is howard fineman and joe klein of t times. let s take a look at the two polls. the two key states ohio and cog e in post, president obama has a four-point lead over mitt romney in florida. four points down there in a very tough state. 51%,/47% for obama. in ohio, the president s lead is a more comfortable eight points. that s at howard fineman, thank you for joining us, and joe klein of time magazine. thank you. it strikes me the numbers i put out tonight, and i m going to ge all through them, shows a party obliterated to reality. she don t sm to watch t ghatenn w we no the h realized there was no weapons of mass destruction in iraq. that was the whole reality we lived in, the disillusionment on the right, the confusion in the middle, the anger on the left. they didn t even experience that period of time? well, chris, to put a charitably, i think the publican party today is the noalpa thas sense of it having kind of marinated in their world view down in tampa at the republican convention. they think of a simpler world, a world where the verities they believin still apply in simple terms. the fact is it s a complex world. rnnt, if the whole thing is i don t want government, i don t believe in government, then you aren t going to participate in the reality of economic life for one in america today. th re the nostalgia party. they would like to believe that theilitary was correct, that dick cheney was correctbout on mdect thoureto believe in that but what evidence do they have that we were right about iraq and wmd? they don t. what i m saying i they want to will themselves into believing authority figures who used to be respected around the country and noon. joe klein, thank you for joining us. sometimes we can simply disagree by looking at the same picture. when you look at something so dem mon straly true, we dn t stction, fair enough, they got it wrong. people in the middle say these guys don t know what they re talking about, people on the left say we never thought that was the reason for the war if the first place, but to not know it, what do you make of these numbers? democrats in this new poll, 63% stiothere was no wnsma 15% say there were. okay. 1 out of 6 democrats think there might have been. republicans however, 63% of republicans say, yes, there were weapons of mass destruction, almost two-thirds. how do weccount for this misstatement of fact? well, i think this is a tribe he psuasive powers of rush limbaugh and fox news and the drudge report and the rest of that echo chamber. you don t hear rushalking about weapons of mass destruction anymore, and i saw this pie chart on anew sullivan s blogaymeg % of the mentions of global warming on fox news knock it down as a rl phenomenon. so when you have people living in this hermetically sealed world that does not resemble reality, they wind up believing some very wed tngs. we wheeny starts making regular trips across the polar ice cap because there s no more polar ice cap, do you think they might notice? has anybody seen the pictures of greenland the other day? there s no snow. i agree with joe. i age that, number one, the repuicanare eosia y. re the simplicity party. they re the are they lud indicts, anti-science? i think if they re convinced, as many of them are, that science is being used as a conspiracy to take away their deen- m and take away their shamovie, it s called planet of the apes and it wasn t a comedy pup. e watch fox, we listen to it, that s the message that you get. that the scientists and t aus cni t us of our freedom. so it s basically a fear, it s a fear of everything. take a look at this number though. the infamous birth question, was the president born in the united states. under our constitution he has t be born here to be prid rlipryvoters, 37% they do not think barack obama was born here. just 2 in 5 say the president was american born and, therefore, a legitimate president. when you ask the president s religion, this gets scary. a majority of all voters don t take him atis word. just 49%. this is all vote, sa he st w i what he says he is. and 30% of republicans and 34% of conservative republicans say obama is a muslim. simple as that. here is the point. these bad numbers, saying twice wrg, tse 34%,cet therurears ago. when he came in people took him at face value. i m american born, viously. i got a whole history, it was announced when i was born in honolulu, in all the papers there, and i am what i am, a christian. i go to this church that caused him a lot of trouble. do we remember that? he went to a chur, jeremiah wright s church that got him in all the trouble. why did we change from that to this they re all becoming donald trumps, mini trumps. my ex lplanation f it is fe. nasn study of genealogical history. it s fear. and among a certain part of this population, this country, which you showed there on the charts, they thinkhat president obama is on a mission to rob the american people of their hawhil bin laden. yes. that s why he s almost destroyed now al qaeda, which you said he would do. i m just saying that s their world view, and the fear expresses itself in the idea that this man must be someone else. he must be another. he must be aidden person. he m have an aa ts hidden for some reason. yo, i want to point out some things republicans are watching. i just want to point out a couple things. your stock market, 401(k) has doubled. not because of obama, but he certain didn t get in the way of it doubling. he didn t have some plan to bring down wa street it s over 13,500 now. these are realities. this should have some role in people s reality. the housing market is coming back. consumer debt levels are at all-time lows but i agree with ho. esopo u moffr we want our america back. well, the america that they re living in now is increasingly minority and it s all these different kind of people, you know, the mini marts are the cliche is every mini mart is run by a south asian. there are altheseatin pyd mini markets, actually. i would say the new arrivals in our country are very good at working 24/7 and stocking their store with great, fresh produce that s very healthy for people in many cases. the south asians and the reans, the east asians have beenodel arica iman they re terrific. i don t think they have a crime factor at all in most cases. these people look at their grandchildren and see them dating people of different races and they see them becoming gay me of them, and then they look at the president of the united ates who doesn t have the good it ais middle name is hussei geqed, he s a muslim. i like the way you phrased it, becoming gay. announcing th are gay. joe point is it s a more complicated world than it s. degraphically in terms of all the different ethnic groups, in new york city i think there are 140 or 150 languages spoken in the schools. at the republicanonion wpie and andy griffith and that was a wonderful thing on tv even though it wasn t real at the time either, and that i don t mean t it sounds condescending, i m not trying to be that way. i wish lif werepl he fr isegitate. the fear is real. i wish my life were simpler. we love the 50s. i did too, but a lot of people had no reason to love the 50s. didn t get the civil rights bill through until the 60s. s l jens a familiar figure 60 years ago. barack obama, of course, has an exotic name, an freezing rain name. he s not an unusual fellow. these aren t strange personities. leon panetta is the most common, gu -eoouould have met 100 years ago. is the democratic party that new age that they scare people. maybe i m part of at reality. i don t sethem as strange at all. it goes back to the propaganda factor. it s not just that rush and fox and those guys y sething, s that weayhe oer th if say that barack obama isn t a muslim, that must not be true because we re the liberal media, we re the mnstream media, and nothing we can say we say can be trusted. i have called an anti-posture for years. just saying no to everything. thank you, guys. thin youaile it itsyologal. anyway, howard fineman and joe klein, thank you. coming up, it s not ignorance it s cycle. could barack obama be the democrats ronald reagan. there s a big thought. it ces from andrew sullivan and the front cover of news week. ansform american politics in the next four years if he gets the next four years. world leaders seek his guidance. presidential candidates don t dare reject his invitations. bill clinton has become president of the world, but today mitt romney also is there genuflting at the clin no w he wants to win the presidency this time, his name is barack obama, and next time her name is hillary rodham clinton. there s been no shortage of reaction to what happened at the end of last night seahawks/packe ga. what could me wisconsin governor scottalkeecpr un hoout lousy reffing? we ll be right back. the lone receiver to the left. the packers playing at the goal line. as wilson struggles to keep it alive. the game s final play. it s a wilson lob to the end zone which is fumbled bte wi jennings simultaneous. who has it? who did they give it to? touchdown! two different signals by two different refs. one result. the anti-union pro-packers governor of wisconsin, scott walker, wants t union reps bstitute refs gave that catch and game to seattle. finally let me finish with this republican plan to keep plaques from voting. i m not going to stop talking about it. it s a shame that the party of lincoln is involved in a multistate effort to keep people who are freed by lincoln from acfor litics. but how am i going to fund it? and i have to find a way to manage my cash flow better. [ female announcer ] our wells fargo bankers are here to listen, offer guidance and provide you with options tailored to your business. we ve loaned more money to sall businesses so come talk to us to see how we can help. wells fargo. together we ll go far. take a look at this head scratcher of a poll nberro n cnbc poll. on the question of whether the economy is better off now than it was four years ago, 55% say the economy is wors just 22% say it s better. yet when asked which candidate is better for the economy, 43% say esident obama, 34%- on 34y ro. put that one together, those sets of numbers. we ll be right back. yet when aed which candidate [ hornonks ] [ male announcer ] you start your day. love you, too. .tnking about what s important to you .the mortgage. the kids college tuition. [ cellphone ringing ] but life insurance? 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[ male announcer ] or visit fidelityle.co se fy tu today. welcome back to hardball. with just six wetion to go to the election and recentainsn g essi o cr a allowing themselves to begin think being what a second obama presidential term would be like. what it wou look like. latest issue of newsweek the cover story is written by andrew sullivan who argues that with a second term president obama could become a transformative president. in fact, among the tion res something sure to gall republicans, he satisfies president obama could become the democrats ronald reagan. sullivan writes he will emerge as an iconic figure who struggled through a recession and a terrorized world, reshaping the economy within it, passingnivealltre strafing the ranks of al qaeda, presiding over a civil rights revolution, and then enjoying the fruits of the recovery. with me is andrew sullivan, also theeth tor of the dish and also joining is ari mel bor, a correspondent for theation. gentlemen, tha u. ouai fon you and your big brain, andrew, my friend, because it s hard for me to figure out what newsweek has been doing the last few months because every front cover is different from the other one. one trashes oba. this one brilliantly ihink celebrates the potential of a certain electn result. give mr e, h got into this idea of even thinking about the next four years given all our focus here at hardball and elsewhere on what s going to happen in six weeks. bause he, the president, has been thinking about it for four years already, and if you ve seen he s always played a long game, and part of that long game was always re-election. most presidents deal with the middle east in t last two years. he started his first go. he inherited the worst recession but he phed through health care reform at the very begiing. w tng would take time, and so he set it up in a way to enable the big payoff to come later, which i a high-risk/high-reward strategy. on the debt, of cose, the republicans went nuts and ns g bin ts, from getti a but, again, heet up the debt ceilingiasco so we have sequestration coming down december 31st and the end of the bush taxuts if nothing happens. and even jim demint has now conceded that if oba win th thellaviv taxes. once the republicans give on taxes, we could have the grand bargain if, if, i think, obama wins with a big enough mar begin. let s get to that quote by senator dent fso rt g to save our defense unless we go along with the president s wishes to raise taxes on small business. it s not a good choice. i would never support it, but there are enough republicans i think who are so afraid of defense cuts that they would probab give in. let me go to ari. thanornis, a my sense is as well as andrew has laid this out, how obama is this visionary and can think three or four years ahead, he must have also counted on an economic recovery kickingn with a lot more steam than we ve had which jeopardizes getting to that second term. we have an 8%-plusunemployment rate that looks like it s going to be facing us in the face the day people vote. i think that s right. they had hoped the economy would rebound more. they inherited a 750 million per month loss rate and have improved aotromhat a an dennpiece, but they have a longer ways to go. i think the other interesting comparison to ronald reagan is there s two ronald reagans. there was the ronald reagan who worked with democrats, who made tax reform a priority will you also raised taxes, who signed the federal law tt requires orplenye ils have t treat the e.r. ronald reagan worked across the aisle on a lot of things and then there s the ron 23458d reagan we hear about the gop primary debates, a conservative ideologue at never turn. if you talk about the first reagan, obama has tried to foow tt pa, b had lessooperation on offer from the congress. gee didn t chris, can i make two points about that. he didn t want to keep sorry. that reagan ended his first term obama currently has.n reagan s recession was also a fairly induced recession in order to ring inflation out of the economy, and it happened and began on his watch obama inherited a financial collapse recession which of their nature lasts longer, think that helps explain the difference. if you look at the gallup poll of approval of reagan and obama, u will see they re the closest of any two presidents in the last 50 yrs except that reagan sank lower in his fst term than oma ever di he w d t 35%. and obama s highs are less high. so it s still a struggle, i agree, but i think what obama has been able to do is say, look, i m not giving you sugar high morni in america. i m telling you we re gritt back to thesi, rld america, and i know it s tough, but that is finally a different kind omessage. people realize that reagan s recovery was the sugar high, and we still had to deal with its debt. we, the question i have first of all, i m not sure you re right because paul vor anthair by jimmy carter and he began squeezing the money supply under carter, i know about it, i was there. but the recession started in 81. you call the misy index. the strongest element is the unemployment rate up around 8.3%. inatiodoesn helpet d ofolalf it isn t around. nobody gives you credit for not having inflation. they give you anger if you have but they were predicting it. every right wing economist was predictinghyperinflation by now because of debt. we have a probl of deflatio but i m just sing if pple doacth ty accept he s done the best he can and what s interesting in the polls is that they know it s tough, but they think he s got the better plan to fix it. let s talk about the two ings we argue about on this show. let s start with immigration. how do you get through a reay good immigration bill that has both progress i- terms of letting people come in the country, recognizing who is already in the country, allowing people to come in on shorter periods of time. how do you put it all on per and stop the under the table stuff? you do it the way reagan did it g b pties together and you figure it out. and you do it in the congress. and the reason we haven t done it is because the republicans have blocked it. and that s the other thing. if republicans lose the latino votehis time by the kind of ine s ow e are many people in the republican party h karl rove chief among them, jeb bush chief among them, who understands if they alienate this constituency permanently they re headed for minority status rever, regional minority white party. and the ndat. so i think there s enough of a group of people, especially in the senate, and possibly even in the house, to actually move immigration forward, and i think obama should make it the first prioty. i d like to see some teeth involved with it because the didim and the teeth fell out. are you confident as andrew is that there can be some big deal on spending and revens that the republicans will come to the table they belly up and say, damn it, obama won twice in a row, we have to deal with him or will they go to the right having lost a lot of moderates the nexecrh eiocomi up, and say, no, we re going to continue with the korched earth policy of bringing this guy down. if we can t keep him from being elected a couple times, we re still going to destroy his legacy. i think it depends on the margin. i think if it s considered on r pren i we post late that hypothetical, then they say, well, the only problem was paul ryan should have been first on the ticket, should have been more conservative, and you know that argument. i think if it s a blowout and these are all ifs, you have a gold water type reassessment, then, yes, a, you have a desire toanufture oue pe i tarty like a tet cruz that the president can go out and talk to and say let s be reasonable. you re a tea party guy, but let s do something that people like your parents can have a path to citizenship and that s a good idea. i m for that. thank you, gentlemen. andrew sullivan, amazing piece. i ll read itevalim. thank you. ari mel ber, thank you. it took a wild ending for last night s game to get wisconsin governor scott walker to finally side with union workers. lotime, this bad call.show this is hardball, the place for politics. 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[ beeping ] .that helps remind you that the ghway might not be as desolate. s yoou and every day since, two years ago, the people of bp made a commitment to the gulf. we ve worked hard to keep it. bp has paid over twenty-three billion dollars to help people and businesses who were affected, and to cover cleanup costs. da the bchndf fand many areas are reporting their best tourism seasons in years. we ve shared what we ve learned with governments and across the industry so we can all produce energy more safely. i want you to know, there s another mmitment bp takes jus riously: o bp supports nearly two-hundred-fifty thousand jobs in communities across the country. we hired three thousand people just last year. bp invests more in america than in any other country. in fact, over the last five years, no other ergy company has invested more in thes th bp. in fact, over the we re working to fuel america for generations to come. today, our commitment to the gulf, and to america, has never been stronger. back to hardball. a lot of buzzbout that refs call in last night s game between the packers and the final play. wilson lob to the end zone. which is fumbled by tate with jennings simultaneous. who was it? who did they give it to? touchdown! ll ref., you sawwofe one interception, one touchdown. quite a lot of outrage from people who say the replacement refs should have called that an interception not the touchdown that wonhe game for seattle. the replacement refs are filling in during the labor dispute. the onslaught of calls to get the permanent guys backn th fid isro a l nit, of course, even from the political people. president obama said earlier today he wants the permanent refs to come back, but a few nuggets from the gop as well. wisconsin governor scott walker, no friend of labor, tweeted, quote, after catching a few hours of sleep, the packers game still just as painful,ith thsh rn ea refs. paul ryan also a wisconsinite and a packers fan agreed. i mean, give me a break. it is time to get the real refs, d y knoat it reminds me of president obama and the economy. if you can t get it right, it s time to get out. i half think that these refs work part time for the obama administrationnd the budget office. they see a debt crisis and they just ignore and protend it didn t even ppen nnerand losers, and they don t even do that very well. what a cheap exploitation of something people really care about. anyway, what are the anti-union guys like walker and ryan trying to get the refs back on the field. b sh writing. he was reading it off the lectern. next the story of chris christie and a reporter. the first one of the season zwraen way. at oon event yesterday one reporter pressed christie on his state s full foreclosureaw itsci do you have a follow-up question? who who are you by the way? jim. from where? channel 7. i m not sure that rings true. nt question. this is an urgent next questi. w wld you b i please. why would you do me a favor don t show up once in every blue moon and think you re going to dominate my press conference. thank you very much. your agency at that same event christie down pladheffth romney s 47% comments racking it up to a bad week for romney but conceding the governor that if the election were tomorrow, that would be a problem. he said that one straight. fckback to 1960. this ad hit averi kennedy s face-off with nixon. kennedy, kennedy. do you want a man for president who is seasoned through and through but not so dog gone seasoned he won t try something new a m w ono to know but young enough to do it s up to you, up to you, it s strictly up to you the 2012 obama version has arrived thanks to a website dyouan man for jingle. president who sees him through and through but not to doggone seasoned he won t try something new a manho s old enough to do but young enoh to do t tyou, it s up to you tough not to feel refreshed boo poll tiges a after that one. has any a big pl ithe pdel mpaign than mr. bill clinton, bubba? both president obama and mitt romney spoke at the clinton global initiative up in new york today and that s ahead. they re all genuflecting to the big guy, elvis. he s back. watching hardball, the place for politics. if you are one of the millions of men who have used androgel 1%, if you are one of the he bewns of men presenting androgel 1.62%. both are used to treat men with low testosterone. androgel 1.62% is from the makers of the number one prescribed testosterone replacement therapy. it raises your testosterone levels, and. onra ould lge and with androgel 1.62%, you can save on your monthly prescription. [ male announcer ] dosing andpplication sites between these products differ. women and children should avoid contact with application sites. discontinue androgel and call your doctor if u see unexpeedns arub ih or, signs in a woman which may include changes in body hair or a large increase in acne, possibly due to accidental exposure. men with breast cancer or who have or might have prostate cancer, and women who are, or may become pregnant or are breast feeding shod not use drogel. ine engs of an enlarged prostate, possible increased risk of prostate cancer, lower sperm count, swelling of ankles, feet, or body, enlarged or painful breasts, problems breathing during sleep, and blood clots in the legs. tell your doctor about your medical conditions and medications, especially insulin, corcosteroids, or medicines to dree blclng talk to your doctor today about androgel 1.62% so you can use less gel. og on now to androgeloffer.com and you could pay as little as ten dollars a month for androgel 1.6. what are you waiting for? this is big news. i m sue herera with your cnbc market wrap. a late-day sell-off sinks stocks today. the dow drops 101 points. ths&p fls 15 a nasdaq loses 43. caterpillar slid citing the global economy and it was another rough day for facebook which lost more than 2%. meanwhile, september consumer confidence rose to i hst ve i snths and home prices ticked up for a sixth straight month in july, that according to the s&p case-shiller report. now back to chris and hardball. welcome back to hardball. one thing came through loud and clear today at thclinton global initiative up in new york, bill clinton is the m to see. he s the boss of the democratic party. he so influentialven t idf poe opposing party, mitt romney, took tame away to attend his big event. president obama, too, praised the former president. let s listen to president obama. i am grateful for your friendship and your extraordinary leaderip, and i think i spea forhent coyhen we say that you continue to be a great treasure for all of us. [ applause ] so what will the power of bill clinton mean for the 2012 election lking aad f six hlema is new york magazine national affairs editor and an msnbc contributor. and i must give you congratulations, john. i was out there with you, you and mark halperin wrote the book that picked up four, count them, four emmys this weekend, this sunday night. we all watched. it must bemazi to pof sw ncd that first hour or so of that show and then it got intellectual when you got up there. it was pretty pressive. congratulations. it s all part of television. susan page, thank you. i m sure you ll get your emmy come day for front page reporting with usa today. an sti ask you about a game i know you don t want to give away your next book. it seems bill clinton s speech in charlotte not only changed the political sort of feel but people gab to feel coming ou the of that according to some polling i have seen feeling better about the economy objectively. yes. tell me about that. tugor that speech. i think in a way even conservatives have ok nageed the speech was kind of a game changing moment in the election. he did two different things. i mean, he reallyid lay out the choice with incredible clarity. he laid out the argument for the facthat it reayefuta powerful, concrete way and answered the question that the obama campaign was having trouble answering, which was are you better off now tn you were four years ago. he said yes and let me show you why. that was huge. there s a lot of polling that suggested thathe bunch that nvon atll due to bill clinton. you now see him almost like a running mate if you look at the obama ads. you see obama ads across the country, president clinton is in almost all of the ones that are running heavily in the swing states right now, and they run the video runs ck-to-ckthendth ads. you see president clinton speaking, president obama speaking. it s almt as if they are running mates. that s how powerful the obama complain thinks bill clinton is as a kind of champion of the notion that in fact things are onheight track. rtit f the great o a daily show which won its tenth emmy i think the other night. here is jon stewart and he talked about it was an understated reference to clinton tour de force in crlotte. seny g speeches lately? susan, that is now so well-known that that speech was so good that all stewart, who is brilliant at this, just tees that. you know, it s really remaable. remember, these are two men, barack obama and bill ton, who, you know, have a history and not a good one. they have a history as being rivals, some bitterness from the primary battle four years ago, and yet if president obama wins a second term, some of the credit is going to go to bill clinton, and you saw in the d minutes on sunday, he said here is a quality i admire in presidents i have studied who are successful, persistence, it s an underrated virtue. who do you think he was talking about. there s no person in public life who has been more psistt bcln gng knocked down and getting right back up. and that is the key. oliver wendell holmes said you can t change everything in your life, but you can have a big heart, you can keep trying. this sunday bill clinton was noncommittal in his way on whether hilla wil ro 2016. he left no doubt that he thinks she s in the right job now and, of course, we know what he s thinking about the future. let s watch him in action. i just don t know. she s an extraordinarily able person. i never met anybody i thought was a better pubc rvanut ha n earthly idea what she ll decide to do. you know he s really good at that. john, i just i fd him so fascinating to watch. just to listen to him and his iq must be in the 200 range and he s there saying what he knows he has to say, don t speak for hehe autonomous figure, happened to be married to him, but she s a politician in her own right. don t preclude anything she does t i thought it was very much a cheerful message about her. well, look, infrastructure clearly wants his wife to run i don t think there s any doubt about that. i spent the day todayver a cgdre a of the old clinton network around that operation. you talk to those folks, there s a lot of people who want her to run. they don t have any doubt that president clinton wants her to run, that he thinks she would be a great president, he thinks she s been a gat secretary of state. i think president clion is speanghe truth whene d tnoathe soing to do. i think she has made a very conscious decision, even with the people closest around her, to say i m not talking about that right now, i m not thinking about that now. i want to take some time off. i think the question becomes a year from now whenhe s aad 5in and she s seen as being the only one who can raise the kind of money you would need to be able to run, whether she if she decides to get in, she clears the field with anyone else. i don t see any other democrat in position to take her on. speaking from my native state, pennsylvania, shaeld win wi 70% agnstanybody. les ta a lat hpe tobee i think at the global initiative i think she s trying to do very subtly a little help to the president. here she is talking away about i am balan of power and the wealth and the elite, how they don t carry their weight around the world in a way she s very supportive of what the presint has been say being taxness th issues that i have been preaching about around the world is collecting taxes in an equitable manner, especially from the elites in every country. u know, i m out of american politics, but it is a fact that around the world the elites of every country are making money. there are rich people everywhere, and yet no contribute to the growth of their own countries. so susan, was she talking about argentina, borneo, or the go old u.s. of a. i think she was doing some home consumption there. that doesn t seem like such a subtle message to me. i assume hiary intoun foeaechy shodn t she? any man in that situation would be running. joe biden is talking about running, and, you know, here is a change from four years ago. four years ago when she ran we thought of bill clinton as a mixed blsing, a guy who carried some baggage. whatoe think we ll think abouhim fou y. itms m he s going to be probably a total asset for her if and when she decides to make another bid. we ll see. you know, he s always the comeback kid and he always has to be. so maybe he s made his final comeback. it s an awful big one. you re right, susan,ut you never kn. hniln,usge ank u both. up next, today is national voter registration day. couldn t be more important given all this voter suppression out there. let s find out how the democrats are fighting back again that republican effort in so many states, 17 of them suppress the minority vote. this ishardball, the place for politi. nk iwaything. d i n jwo taw i was spotting, but i had already gone through menopause. these symptoms may be nothing. but they coulde early warning signs of a gynecologic cancer, such as cervical, ovarian, or uterine cancer. feeling bloated for no reason. that s what i remember. rnsiart e same for everyone. if you think something s wrong. see your doctor. ask about gynecologic cancer. and get the inside knowledge. oh, hey alex. just picking up some, brochures, posters copies of my cceptce speech. reatitlwgo tveacpl in case i get hit by a meteor. wow, your hair looks great. didn t realize they did photoshop here. hey, good call on those mugs. can t let em see what you re drinking. you know, i m glad we re both running a nice, clean race. no need to get nasty. looks good. 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[ crowd gasps ] [ woman ] reverend? ca i have some? we re exactly six weeks out from the election right now. today nate silver of thenew york times crunchedhe numrs to s wtholls tel abouthich which this race is headed. since 1936 of the 19 presidential candidates who led in the polls at this point in the campaign, 18 of the 19 won the popular vote, 17 won the electoral college. the exceptions, tom d poor al gore back in 2000. if you eliminate the candidates with double digit leads at this point, the front-runner s record is 8 wins out of 10 a winning percentage of 80%. so where they stand now is very portant. we ll be right back. this country was built by worng people. the economy needs manufacturing. hines, too,pe ngff companies have to invest in making things. infrastructure, construction, production. we need it now more than ever. chevron s putting more than $8 billion dollars back in the u. economy this year. in pipes, ment, stee jobs, energy. n to get the wheels turning. i m proud of that. making real things. for real. .that make a real difference. for real. .that make a real difference. my name is adam frucci and i m the i love new technology,om. so when i heard that american express and twitter were teaming up, to your twitter account, turtweet specific hashtags, ic expss cselyinterested. and you ll get offers on things you love. this totally changes the way i think about membership. saving money on the things you want. to me, that s the membership effect. nice boots! hey, bro. or engaging. conversations help us learn and grow. at wls fargo, we believe you can never underestimate theower of a coeron. it s this exchange of ideas that helps you move ahead with confidence. so when the conversation turns to your financial goals. turn to us. if you need anything else, let me know. [ female announcer ] wls fargo. together ll go far. w cannot let anyone discourage ufrom casting our ballots. we cannot let anyone make us feel unwelcome in the voting boot itupo make sure that in every election, every voice is heard and every vote is counted. that means making sure our laws preserve that right. wow. welcome back to hardball. that was michelle obama speaking at the congressial black cauc thiurt. waer to the concerted effort since 2010 of course to make it more difficult to vote, especially minoritiemi. this map shows the 17 states where laws have been passed since then making it tougher to vote now than it was in the last harder than the last eltion. so this year is or portant that everyone who is eligible to vote i think get registered to vote and fight for that right to vote. today is national voter reg strikes day in this country. it s a two-pronged effort to get people register nded and make sure people know what sorts of documentation they need to vote rkelthe president of ier. the urban league and sponsored the national voter registration day, victoria is an nbc latino contributor. i wt to talk, mark, thank you so much for coming on. here is your chance to makthe case to people who might be llne dur usthey ve heard about disillusioned or discouraged because they heard of the sue expressi suppression. let s not be discouraged, pushed back, even though there s been a tremendou effort to make it more difficult for people to vote. we want to encrage people to ant to encourage people who believe they are registered to check their reg registration, make sure they know what the requirements are. 17 statesassed law. of 17 states where lha beas w waged a vigorous effort to stop those laws in their tracks. this is about democracy and this is about the right to vote. we shouldn t make it more difficult. we should make it simple and clear and plain for people to be able to register and participate in decrac ct, lalbo latino and latino vote and the feelings they as minorities facing this onslaught of new days, new dates, closed doors, closed windows to voting. it s a steep hurdle for millions of peop. les ele p laws. 60% of latinos do not have the requisite documents to vote with a photo i.d., compare that to 6% of nonlife latinos. ralid,orne - absolutely. what reason would they have for not having it, a photo i.d. card? first of all, the cost of getting that identification. here in texas where they tri to pass a strgent rule it vear godmv if you re a rural latino voter. they say, it s a free photo i.d. what they don t tell you, it costs you up to $22 to get a birth certificate in order to get that free photo i.d. one way ort other it sike p tax? exactly. it is a poll tax. exactly a poll tax. let me ask you about this the do you have a sense, mark, whether this was i don t know if conspiracy is the right wordut concerted effort thete a the democrats weren t watching the candy store when all these people got elect. were they all working together when this this was an orchestrated, planned attack. an orchestrated planned avalanche that took place. giivha council who were behind this. you had large numbers of people who determine that it was part of the 2012 strategy to make it more difficult for people to vote. we need to understand that there have been scant cases of voter impersonation inhis country, that have turne. tha tioo f prlem. this is a set of legislative initiatives behind a phoney smoke screen of voter fraud. we want people to understand what it is. we want people to be informed. we want people to vote. here s congressman the great congressman john wis, w talking at voter registration event in georgia today, encouraging people to fight voter suppression. he s been great on this. let s listen. there are forces in america today, not just in the american south, but all across our land, th is yioakar and difficult for people to register and vote, for people to cast their vote. for all across america tay, members of the congressional ack caucus at this hour and later during the day, ardoin the same thing. but we have 44 members in each congressional district. we have until what, october 9th? to get people registered. , victoria, it seems to me the worst thing that could come of this con certifieded effort of 17 states to try to close the door to americans and legitimate voters is people s no to themselves. i was at howard to the commencement, i said to the ds, don t ever s no to yourself. af mpe - mark, they would say, this is going to be the biggest pain in the butt, too complicated, i m not going to go this year, even if it s obama. is that a danger out there, they ll be intimidated out of voting? it s a danger. the irony of its iate no using technological advances to automate our systems. a handful of states have used automated registration systems where i can go online and register to votes. the bulk of the states are going in i retrogress of manners. this is most frurating to m onhi o national voter registration. chris, you know, there are many of us across the nation who have campaigns and efforts. ours is called occy the vote. we have a website that provides information that people need. we have a hot line people can go to at 1-866-vote-one. we need everyone tt loves freedom, understands democracy and understands that voting is the foundation of democracy, to get out there and make sure people are not frusated ws message out, too, almost as much as you. thank you, mark of urban league and victoria, who work with us. we ll be right back in a minute. americans are always ready to work hard for a better future. since ameriprise financial was founded back in 1894, ey ve been committed to putting clies firs since hpienioise financial was tghghes back in 1894, good times. never taking a bailout. there when you need them. helping millions of americans over the centuries. the strength of a global financial leader. the heart of a one-to-one relationship. gether for your future. 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[ male announcer ] yes, it is, business pro. yes, it is. go national. go like a pro. let me finish with this. we ve said it before and we ll say it again. the republican party should be ashamed of trug to suppress vong o african-americans. 17 states have required more documents or shut down voting opportunities. it s a multistate effort you have to be wonder is run out of the national republican committee itself. not, they might get out there and think about condemning it. i think that will happen when hell freezes over. puanontrled ganizedampans legislatures at the state level with the single ambition to cut down on voting by african-americans and other minorities. in some cases the courts have been able to stop
show ! my name is jon stewart. from the film five year engage. jason segel will be joining us. for those of you wondering at home what am i scribbling on the table, i can just show you, it s a. a scribble. (laughter) i wish it was more impressive. actually, it s a treasure map to a giant chest of scribbles. (laughter) all right, last night mitten king romney viii swept a five state primary to all but clinch the republican nomination thus beginning the six month general election slog to the white house and, try as i might, i am having difficulty giving a (bleep). (laughter and applause) this is this should be the top story. obama v. romney, it is on! (laughter) in all likelihood, it s predominantly what we re going to be talking about for the next few months. we ll probably talk about it later in the show. but right now. (laughter). .. i m ditching it because i watched the news today and i saw something so awesome! i m calling an audible. i m calling an audible. i m going to break open my emergency script jug i have that for emergencies. (laughter) (cheers and applause) i m going to hire somebody at this show whose sole job it is that when i come up with an idea that involves breaking something sharp their entire job is to just go i don t think you should do that. (laughter) you always end up hurting yourself because you re. you re kind of clumsy. (laughter) (laughs) role 212. this may seem like science fiction but today a group of space pioneers announced plans to mine asteroids for precious minerals. jon: spice pioneers going to mine mother (bleep)ing asteroids! (cheers and applause) for precious materials! boom, boom! (cheers and applause) yes! stew beat is all in! you know how rarely the news in 2012 looks and sounds how you thought news would look and sound in 2012! the only thing missing from this story in my kid fantasy is newsman skoept s non-futuristic sense of style. yeah! nano-nano shazbot. this asteroid retrieval project is being handled by eccentric billionaires. they are some of the most influential and wealthiest men on the planet. google s larry page and eric schmidt, director james cameron, and billionaire ross pro, jr. if you put two google billionaires with the microsoft billionaires and some astronauts together you can t go wrong. (laughter) except in an orgy. (laughter). jon: but even that guy, even that enthusiastic scientist looked like he s from the future. in the future people will all have really cool hair! thank you, man of tomorrow. so why are these dashing spend-o-nauts doing it? fame? knowledge? love of tang? the orange drink. (laughter) not the tang you perverts all thought of. since my childhood i ve wanted to do one thing, be an asteroid miner. (laughter) jon: did not see that coming. (laughter) you know who really probably thinks that that soundbite was weird? earth miners. (laughter) earth miners are like really? you want to be a miner? but without the oxygen we enjoy in the earth mine? i have an idea, why don t you work in our earth mines and just pretend you here in space? how about that? that s what everybody else does down here. hank over there, pretends, you know, he s on a beach. richie thinks he s queen elizabeth. now, you pretend you here in space, keep your eye on the canary and get back to (bleep)ing work. how about that? (laughter) although i will say this, everything is more glamorous in space. here s earth mining. (laughter) and now, ladies and gentlemen, asteroid mining. i don t want to close my eyes i don t want to fall asleep cause i miss you, baby and i don t want to miss a thing jon: actually, space mining seems less pleasant. look, i m telling you, what could go wrong with billionaires, famed director james cameron and miners in space? (screaming) well, there is that. if i could interrupt here, jon? jon: what s that? oh, hey, it s one of my writers, eliot, eliot, what s up? only the first alien movie directed by ridley scott had aliens killing workers in the spice mining industry. specifically mineral or transport for the wayland corporation. jon: you re fired, eliot. oh! oh! jon: i see, you re bringing out special effects and an alien is going to burst out from your chest, bravo, eliot. i wish. the interns got regular milk instead of lactaid and now my tummy hurts. jon: you should probably lie down. okay, thank you for letting me use the couch in your office. jon: no! back to the space mines. how does that guy continually interrupt me? on a variety of different episodes. so what are we going to be mining up there, diamonds? space diamonds? unobtainium. we ll start with water because in actual fact the water is worth something like $20,000 to $50,000 a pound in deep space. yes, who amongst us wouldn t pay $50,000 for a pound of space water? (laughter) at the space convenience store. oh, you know what? i m light, just give me a half of pound of space water and one of the space us weeklies and are those space condoms? i ll take one of those. (laughter) are you sure that s the only reason we re going there? space water? these asteroids, as tom will tell you, have lifetimes of 30 million years. we need to grab them, quite frankly, before they do some damage to us. (laughter) where have i heard that pitch before? we will fight them overseas so we do not have to fight them here at home. (applause) jon: oh, my god, billionaires have just declared a preemptive war on asteroids. (laughter) this is awesome! until we get there and find out there was never any water in the first place. (laughter) look, i love this story. (cheers and applause) i love this story. but let s face facts, it seems a little farfetched. that s why it s a perfect candidate for our brand new segment bull (bleep) or no bull (bleep) with astrophysicist neil degrasse tyson. let s put 60 seconds up on the clock. (cheers and applause) good evening, jon. dr. tyson. dr. tyson, tonight s question, asteroid mining. bull (bleep) or no bull (bleep)? jon, in this case, the answer is no bull (bleep). jon: amazing. jon, your opening credits still show the earth rotating in the wrong direction. i m just saying. (laughter) (cheers and applause) (cheers and applause) jon: welcome back to the show. i don t know if you noticed this, by the way, neil degrasse tyson was holding a rubik s cube. i swear to you that thing was not solved when we gave it to him maybe 25 seconds before he walked out here. (laughter) he s e.t . i believe he is e.t . i think he did one of these. solve it. (laughter) listen, having spent the first act of tonight s show on asteroid mining which i did we turn now reluctantly to the 2012 presidential campaign. today stunning new development. this just into cnn. we have confirmed that newt gingrich will, indeed, drop out of the presidential race next week. (cheers and applause) jon: no, not yay. not yay. (laughter) anyway, he announced he was dropping out next week. (laughter) that is so gingrich. (laughter) today i am calling off this grotesque and hopeless charade of a campaign seven days from now. gingrich 2016! gingrich s news came on the heels of willington millington rom-nillington the 23rd big news sweeping primaries in new york, delaware, pennsylvania, rhode island and connecticut, ironically sewing up the republican nomination for president if five non-real america states. (laughter) now in the primary, romney ran as a severe conservative. the general election looming, how will romney make the pivot to more moderate voters? i don t know how. oh, my god, he s going for the full reboot! (laughter) (applause) tonight is the start of a new campaign. jon: you know, the other way to reboot romney is you stick an unbent paper clip in his urethra. (audience reacts) that is an appropriate reaction, by the way. simultaneously as one they just went oh! (laughter) that would hurt your pee pee. what would mark general election romney s appearance? easing of his immigration rhett stphreubg softening on taxes? today the hill before us is a little steep. but we ve always been a nation of big steppers. in the america i see, character and choices matter. i see an america with a growing middle-class. i see children even more successful than their parents. we believe in america. we believe in ourselves. our greatest days are ahead. we are, after all, americans! jon: ooh, a little light pro-america foreplay. america s good and a romney administration will like it! getting there. more like the version you d hear of reagan in an elevator, you know what i mean? if you d have gone up 11 floors before you re like is that reagan in the background? so if romney is this election s reagan, what is his opponent going for? now is not the time to make school more expensive for our young people. (cheers and applause) oh, yeah. (laughter) you should listen to the president. or, as i like to call him, the preezy of the united steezy. jon: what the. the president slow jamming the news on late night! so romney is this year s reagan, obama is this year s clinton. (laughter) wait a minute. normally brian williams slow jams. romney s running to replace obama, obama s running to replace brian williams! and brian williams wants my job! this has to end! somebody s got to be an adult around here! mr. president, you re the president! you don t have to do this (bleep) anymore! (laughter) although we d obviously love to have you back. (laughter) so i guess this is the two campaigns we re left with. obama/romney. there we go. it s going to be slim picks material wise. ron paul has promised to keep going, as i mentioned, until the convention. he s still raising that money, adding debt gatts. jon: help us, ron paul. you re our only hope. (cheers and applause) we ll be right back. (spoken in mandarin) i ve still got hours of battery life. it s an ultrabook. you bring great shame upon this coffee hut. with a long-lasting ultrabook, everything else seems old fashioned. ultrabook. inspired by intel. (cheers and applause). jon: welcome back, my guest tonight, very funny actor, his new film is called the five year engagement. the men whether wear ya as and all eligible christians will serve communion. at my son s wedding? it s our wedding, pete, and i mean seeing as everyone s going to be wearing yarmulkes. actually, only the men will be wearing yarmulkes. well i ve never heard you say the word yarmulke until today. excuse me, i say yarmulke all the time. you don t. babe, have you seen my yarmulke. you don t have a yarmulke. i have a whole. it s in my jewish drawer. (laughter). jon: please welcome jason segel. (cheers and applause) jon: they love you. they re very fond of you. thank you. thank you very much. they are incredibly fond of you. nice to see you. thank you. it s my first time here. thank you for having me. jon: we re delighted to have you. i ve been wanting to be here forever. jon: we ve wanting you to be here forever. i m doing an improv game with you. i m yes anding. okay, thanks. jon: okay, thank you. you wrote this. cowrote this. with nick. we wrote muppets together. (applause). jon: i want to thank you for that. it is unusual for an adult to go with something with his children and enjoy it in a manner that is not enjoying it. like. because they re happy and they re eating candy. , no i know what you mean. jon: i loved it. thank you. you know, it s funny when you re talking about puppets it starts to feel weird as an adult. but muppets were my first come commitment 2012 mick influence. when you re a comedian, muppets were monty python to me and they were saturday night live so when i saw that the muppets weren t the muppets that i grew up with i wanted to bring them back. it meant a lot to me. jon: that s very nice because. and how did they respond to that because. it s not funny. it s very sincere. jon: our audience does not deal well nor do i with earnest emotions. (laughter) so what they expected you to do. by the way, that s the next movie i m doing earnest emotions. (laughter). jon: as a writer. because you are doing t.v. shows and you re writing. that was a jim varney joke. jon: was it really? ernest. jon: oh, ernest goes to emotional. (laughter) did you stop enjoying entertainment in, like 1978? because these are references that are take megalike. that s a beverly hillbillies reference. (laughter) that s all i got for you. jon: as a writer, how far ahead are you working? are you executing a film while writing the next one? because i know that process is tedious, time consuming and takes a lot of creative energy. yeah, well, i do a t.v. show called how i met your mother. (cheers and applause) and so basically what i do is during that t.v. season i write the movie i m going to do during the hiatus. so i spend every night. i come home from the show and i write what i m going start shooting when i get a break. jon: shouldn t you be out doing blow and getting into fights? (laughter) these are. these are not. jon: i think i know hollywood a little better than you do. (laughter) i m pretty sure that s what you re supposed to do. these are not mutually exclusive. jon: (laughs) all right, fair enough. is it now. does it hurt your focus. and, by the way, how did he meet the mother? because i ve been watching it for many years now and they have yet to tell how they actually met. do they tell you? i have no idea. i do kind of think at some point we re going to be, like, in our mid-50s and he should probably meet the mother or it s going to get weird. jon: i think it s going to be a jacob s ladder situation where they realize it s just the last minute of his life. do you remember jacob s ladder where they take you through that whole thing and at the very end it s like oh, he s just dying. i pitched a story to them that they thought was ridiculous. jon: let s hear it. i thought in the final episode it should be like that s how i met your mother. and then the windows should open because it test future and it should just be a postapocalyptic war. (laughter). jon: i like that! (makes bomb sopbdz). (laughter). jon: but they thought that was not romantic. (laughter) that is how even tv show should end. the end of every episode they should open the window. and, kid, that s how i met your mother. (laughter) let s get them! . jon: i like that. do you still. you re not going to do another muppet movie but. i worked on the muppets for about three quarters of a decade. this is seven and a half years i wrote that movie and got it made and i would just like to do some human-related project. jon: i think that s a wise choice. i remember doing. i taped a music special with sesame street , so it wasn t necessarily the muppet characters but it always freaked me out that the puppet actors who are so good at what they do continue when you say cut to do this so it s like one, two, three, i love you. . it s the weirdest thing of all time because you want to respect them as people. (laughter) i mean, they re talented. (laughter) jon: you are going to get your ass kick bid kermit. but when i did forgetting sarah marshall we ended with a lavish puppet musical and. (cheers and applause) thank you. but i remember one lady came up and. (laughs) she was like thanks for doing the movie. and i was like, oh, no, of course, you re welcome, human woman. (laughter) and then she was like no, thank you, sweetheart. (laughter) okay, human woman. come back to me. come back, human woman, come back. jon: well five year engage. is a human movie. it was just voted by international film magazine as the best film of all time. jon: oh, my god, that s my favorite magazine! i never miss an episnowed. catch it on your ipads. jon: i do. five your engagement, the best film of all time, it will be in theaters on
predominantly what we re going to be talking about for the next few months. we ll probably talk about it later in the show. but right now. (laughter). .. i m ditching it because i watched the news today and i saw something so awesome! i m calling an audible. i m calling an audible. i m going to break open my emergency script jug i have that for emergencies. (laughter) (cheers and applause) i m going to hire somebody at this show whose sole job it is that when i come up with an idea that involves breaking something sharp their entire job is to just go i don t think you should do that. (laughter) you always end up hurting yourself because you re. you re kind of clumsy. (laughter) (laughs) role 212. this may seem like science fiction but today a group of space pioneers announced plans to mine asteroids for precious minerals. jon: spice pioneers going to mine mother (bleep)ing asteroids! (cheers and applause) for precious materials! boom, boom! (cheers and applause) yes! stew beat is all in! you know how rarely the news in 2012 looks and sounds how you thought news would look and sound in 2012! the only thing missing from this story in my kid fantasy is newsman skoept s non-futuristic sense of style. yeah! nano-nano shazbot. this asteroid retrieval project is being handled by eccentric billionaires. they are some of the most influential and wealthiest men on the planet. google s larry page and eric schmidt, director james cameron, and billionaire ross pro, jr. if you put two google billionaires with the microsoft billionaires and some astronauts together you can t go wrong. (laughter) except in an orgy. (laughter). jon: but even that guy, even that enthusiastic scientist looked like he s from the future. in the future people will all have really cool hair! thank you, man of tomorrow. so why are these dashing spend-o-nauts doing it? fame? knowledge? love of tang? the orange drink. (laughter) not the tang you perverts all thought of. since my childhood i ve wanted to do one thing, be an asteroid miner. (laughter) jon: did not see that coming. (laughter) you know who really probably thinks that that soundbite was weird? earth miners. (laughter) earth miners are like really? you want to be a miner? but without the oxygen we enjoy in the earth mine? i have an idea, why don t you work in our earth mines and just pretend you here in space? how about that? that s what everybody else does down here. hank over there, pretends, you know, he s on a beach. richie thinks he s queen elizabeth. now, you pretend you here in space, keep your eye on the canary and get back to (bleep)ing work. how about that? (laughter) although i will say this, everything is more glamorous in space. here s earth mining. (laughter) and now, ladies and gentlemen, asteroid mining. i don t want to close my eyes i don t want to fall asleep cause i miss you, baby and i don t want to miss a thing jon: actually, space mining seems less pleasant. look, i m telling you, what could go wrong with billionaires, famed director james cameron and miners in space? (screaming) well, there is that. if i could interrupt here, jon? jon: what s that? oh, hey, it s one of my writers, eliot, eliot, what s up? only the first alien movie directed by ridley scott had aliens killing workers in the spice mining industry. specifically mineral or transport for the wayland corporation. jon: you re fired, eliot. oh! oh! jon: i see, you re bringing out special effects and an alien is going to burst out from your chest, bravo, eliot. i wish. the interns got regular milk instead of lactaid and now my tummy hurts. jon: you should probably lie down. okay, thank you for letting me use the couch in your office. jon: no! back to the space mines. how does that guy continually interrupt me? on a variety of different episodes. so what are we going to be mining up there, diamonds? space diamonds? unobtainium. we ll start with water because in actual fact the water is worth something like $20,000 to $50,000 a pound in deep space. yes, who amongst us wouldn t pay $50,000 for a pound of space water? (laughter) at the space convenience store. oh, you know what? i m light, just give me a half of pound of space water and one of the space us weeklies and are those space condoms? i ll take one of those. (laughter) are you sure that s the only reason we re going there? space water? these asteroids, as tom will tell you, have lifetimes of 30 million years. we need to grab them, quite frankly, before they do some damage to us. (laughter) where have i heard that pitch before? we will fight them overseas so we do not have to fight them here at home. (applause) jon: oh, my god, billionaires have just declared a preemptive war on asteroids. (laughter) this is awesome! until we get there and find out there was never any water in the first place. (laughter) look, i love this story. (cheers and applause) i love this story. but let s face facts, it seems a little farfetched. that s why it s a perfect candidate for our brand new segment bull (bleep) or no bull (bleep) with astrophysicist neil degrasse tyson. let s put 60 seconds up on the clock. (cheers and applause) good evening, jon. dr. tyson. dr. tyson, tonight s question, asteroid mining. bull (bleep) or no bull (bleep)? jon, in this case, the answer is no bull (bleep). jon: amazing. jon, your opening credits still show the earth rotating in the wrong direction. i m just saying. (laughter) (cheers and applause) (cheers and applause) jon: welcome back to the show. i don t know if you noticed this, by the way, neil degrasse tyson was holding a rubik s cube. i swear to you that thing was not solved when we gave it to him maybe 25 seconds before he walked out here. (laughter) he s e.t . i believe he is e.t . i think he did one of these. solve it. (laughter) listen, having spent the first act of tonight s show on asteroid mining which i did we turn now reluctantly to the 2012 presidential campaign. today stunning new development. this just into cnn. we have confirmed that newt gingrich will, indeed, drop out of the presidential race next week. (cheers and applause) jon: no, not yay. not yay. (laughter) anyway, he announced he was dropping out next week. (laughter) that is so gingrich. (laughter) today i am calling off this grotesque and hopeless charade of a campaign seven days from now. gingrich 2016! gingrich s news came on the heels of willington millington rom-nillington the 23rd big news sweeping primaries in new york, delaware, pennsylvania, rhode island and connecticut, ironically sewing up the republican nomination for president if five non-real america states. (laughter) now in the primary, romney ran as a severe conservative. the general election looming, how will romney make the pivot to more moderate voters? i don t know how. oh, my god, he s going for the full reboot! (laughter) (applause) tonight is the start of a new campaign. jon: you know, the other way to reboot romney is you stick an unbent paper clip in his urethra. (audience reacts) that is an appropriate reaction, by the way. simultaneously as one they just went oh! (laughter) that would hurt your pee pee. what would mark general election romney s appearance? easing of his immigration rhett stphreubg softening on taxes? today the hill before us is a little steep. but we ve always been a nation of big steppers. in the america i see, character and choices matter. i see an america with a growing middle-class. i see children even more successful than their parents. we believe in america. we believe in ourselves. our greatest days are ahead. we are, after all, americans! jon: ooh, a little light pro-america foreplay. america s good and a romney administration will like it! getting there. more like the version you d hear of reagan in an elevator, you know what i mean? if you d have gone up 11 floors before you re like is that reagan in the background? so if romney is this election s reagan, what is his opponent going for? now is not the time to make school more expensive for our young people. (cheers and applause) oh, yeah. (laughter) you should listen to the president. or, as i like to call him, the preezy of the united steezy. jon: what the. the president slow jamming the news on late night! so romney is this year s reagan, obama is this year s clinton. (laughter) wait a minute. normally brian williams slow jams. romney s running to replace obama, obama s running to replace brian williams! and brian williams wants my job! this has to end! somebody s got to be an adult around here! mr. president, you re the president! you don t have to do this (bleep) anymore! (laughter) although we d obviously love to have you back. (laughter) so i guess this is the two campaigns we re left with. obama/romney. there we go. it s going to be slim picks material wise. ron paul has promised to keep going, as i mentioned, until the convention. he s still raising that money, adding debt gatts. jon: help us, ron paul. you re our only hope. (cheers and applause) we ll be right back. you were born an original. there s a health company that can help you stay that way. what s healthier than that? [ man ] when i went to get my first new car, my dad said to get a subaru because they last. he drives a legacy, but i m nothing like him. i got the new impreza. maybe i should have picked a different color. [ male announcer ] the all-new subaru impreza. experience love that lasts. (cheers and applause). jon: welcome back, my guest tonight, very funny actor, his new film is called the five year engagement. the men whether wear ya as and all eligible christians will serve communion. at my son s wedding? it s our wedding, pete, and i mean seeing as everyone s going to be wearing yarmulkes. actually, only the men will be wearing yarmulkes. well i ve never heard you say the word yarmulke until today. excuse me, i say yarmulke all the time. you don t. babe, have you seen my yarmulke. you don t have a yarmulke. i have a whole. it s in my jewish drawer. (laughter). jon: please welcome jason segel. (cheers and applause) jon: they love you. they re very fond of you. thank you. thank you very much. they are incredibly fond of you. nice to see you. thank you. it s my first time here. thank you for having me. jon: we re delighted to have you. i ve been wanting to be here forever. jon: we ve wanting you to be here forever. i m doing an improv game with you. i m yes anding. okay, thanks. jon: okay, thank you. you wrote this. cowrote this. with nick. we wrote muppets together. (applause). jon: i want to thank you for that. it is unusual for an adult to go with something with his children and enjoy it in a manner that is not enjoying it. like. because they re happy and they re eating candy. , no i know what you mean. jon: i loved it. thank you. you know, it s funny when you re talking about puppets it starts to feel weird as an adult. but muppets were my first come commitment 2012 mick influence. when you re a comedian, muppets were monty python to me and they were saturday night live so when i saw that the muppets weren t the muppets that i grew up with i wanted to bring them back. it meant a lot to me. jon: that s very nice because. and how did they respond to that because. it s not funny. it s very sincere. jon: our audience does not deal well nor do i with earnest emotions. (laughter) so what they expected you to do. by the way, that s the next movie i m doing earnest emotions. (laughter). jon: as a writer. because you are doing t.v. shows and you re writing. that was a jim varney joke. jon: was it really? ernest. jon: oh, ernest goes to emotional. (laughter) did you stop enjoying entertainment in, like 1978? because these are references that are take megalike. that s a beverly hillbillies reference. (laughter) that s all i got for you. jon: as a writer, how far ahead are you working? are you executing a film while writing the next one? because i know that process is tedious, time consuming and takes a lot of creative energy. yeah, well, i do a t.v. show called how i met your mother. (cheers and applause) and so basically what i do is during that t.v. season i write the movie i m going to do during the hiatus. so i spend every night. i come home from the show and i write what i m going start shooting when i get a break. jon: shouldn t you be out doing blow and getting into fights? (laughter) these are. these are not. jon: i think i know hollywood a little better than you do. (laughter) i m pretty sure that s what you re supposed to do. these are not mutually exclusive. jon: (laughs) all right, fair enough. is it now. does it hurt your focus. and, by the way, how did he meet the mother? because i ve been watching it for many years now and they have yet to tell how they actually met. do they tell you? i have no idea. i do kind of think at some point we re going to be, like, in our mid-50s and he should probably meet the mother or it s going to get weird. jon: i think it s going to be a jacob s ladder situation where they realize it s just the last minute of his life. do you remember jacob s ladder where they take you through that whole thing and at the very end it s like oh, he s just dying. i pitched a story to them that they thought was ridiculous. jon: let s hear it. i thought in the final episode it should be like that s how i met your mother. and then the windows should open because it test future and it should just be a postapocalyptic war. (laughter). jon: i like that! (makes bomb sopbdz). (laughter). jon: but they thought that was not romantic. (laughter) that is how even tv show should end. the end of every episode they should open the window. and, kid, that s how i met your mother. (laughter) let s get them! . jon: i like that. do you still. you re not going to do another muppet movie but. i worked on the muppets for about three quarters of a decade. this is seven and a half years i wrote that movie and got it made and i would just like to do some human-related project. jon: i think that s a wise choice. i remember doing. i taped a music special with sesame street , so it wasn t necessarily the muppet characters but it always freaked me out that the puppet actors who are so good at what they do continue when you say cut to do this so it s like one, two, three, i love you. . it s the weirdest thing of all time because you want to respect them as people. (laughter) i mean, they re talented. (laughter) jon: you are going to get your ass kick bid kermit. but when i did forgetting sarah marshall we ended with a lavish puppet musical and. (cheers and applause) thank you. but i remember one lady came up and. (laughs) she was like thanks for doing the movie. and i was like, oh, no, of course, you re welcome, human woman. (laughter) and then she was like no, thank you, sweetheart. (laughter) okay, human woman. come back to me. come back, human woman, come back. jon: well five year engage. is a human movie. it was just voted by international film magazine as the best film of all time. jon: oh, my god, that s my favorite magazine! i never miss an episnowed. catch it on your ipads. jon: i do. five your engagement, the best film of all time, it will be in theaters on i m drinkin dunkin . we re drinkin dunkin . dunkin iced. some people wake up with an alarm clock, i wake up to dunkin . sometimes, when i need a little pick-me-up, i ll go get a dunkin . it hits the spot. you re ready to go. dunkin keeps me going. america runs on dunkin coffee. we sure,mile i had a salad for lunch but a miller 64 at dinner? oh yes, cause i ve worked off my paunch cause we live a life of balance and no one can say that we re wrong so here s to good miller, who cut out the filler and made a beer worthy of song to miller 64 to miller 64 to love, sweat and beers and well deserved cheers to miller 64 (cheers and applause) jon: that s our show. here s your moment of zen. only in america could a man like my dad become governor of a state where he once sold captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh acc
jon: welcome to the daily show ! my name is jon stewart. from the film five year engage. jason segel will be joining us. for those of you wondering at home what am i scribbling on the table, i can just show you, it s a. a scribble. (laughter) i wish it was more impressive. actually, it s a treasure map to a giant chest of scribbles. (laughter) all right, last night mitten king romney viii swept a five state primary to all but clinch the republican nomination thus beginning the six month general election slog to the white house and, try as i might, i am having difficulty giving a (bleep). (laughter and applause) this is this should be the top story. obama v. romney, it is on! (laughter) in all likelihood, it s predominantly what we re going to be talking about for the next few months. we ll probably talk about it later in the show. but right now. (laughter). .. i m ditching it because i watched the news today and i saw something so awesome! i m calling an audible. i m calling an audible. i m going to break open my emergency script jug i have that for emergencies. (laughter) (cheers and applause) i m going to hire somebody at this show whose sole job it is that when i come up with an idea that involves breaking something sharp their entire job is to just go i don t think you should do that. (laughter) you always end up hurting yourself because you re. you re kind of clumsy. (laughter) (laughs) role 212. this may seem like science fiction but today a group of space pioneers announced plans to mine asteroids for precious minerals. jon: spice pioneers going to mine mother (bleep)ing asteroids! (cheers and applause) for precious materials! boom, boom! (cheers and applause) yes! stew beat is all in! you know how rarely the news in 2012 looks and sounds how you thought news would look and sound in 2012! the only thing missing from this story in my kid fantasy is newsman skoept s non-futuristic sense of style. yeah! nano-nano shazbot. this asteroid retrieval project is being handled by eccentric billionaires. they are some of the most influential and wealthiest men on the planet. google s larry page and eric schmidt, director james cameron, and billionaire ross pro, jr. if you put two google billionaires with the microsoft billionaires and some astronauts together you can t go wrong. (laughter) except in an orgy. (laughter). jon: but even that guy, even that enthusiastic scientist looked like he s from the future. in the future people will all have really cool hair! thank you, man of tomorrow. so why are these dashing spend-o-nauts doing it? fame? knowledge? love of tang? the orange drink. (laughter) not the tang you perverts all thought of. since my childhood i ve wanted to do one thing, be an asteroid miner. (laughter) jon: did not see that coming. (laughter) you know who really probably thinks that that soundbite was weird? earth miners. (laughter) earth miners are like really? you want to be a miner? but without the oxygen we enjoy in the earth mine? i have an idea, why don t you work in our earth mines and just pretend you here in space? how about that? that s what everybody else does down here. hank over there, pretends, you know, he s on a beach. richie thinks he s queen elizabeth. now, you pretend you here in space, keep your eye on the canary and get back to (bleep)ing work. how about that? (laughter) although i will say this, everything is more glamorous in space. here s earth mining. (laughter) and now, ladies and gentlemen, asteroid mining. i don t want to close my eyes i don t want to fall asleep cause i miss you, baby and i don t want to miss a thing jon: actually, space mining seems less pleasant. look, i m telling you, what could go wrong with billionaires, famed director james cameron and miners in space? (screaming) well, there is that. if i could interrupt here, jon? jon: what s that? oh, hey, it s one of my writers, eliot, eliot, what s up? only the first alien movie directed by ridley scott had aliens killing workers in the spice mining industry. specifically mineral or transport for the wayland corporation. jon: you re fired, eliot. oh! oh! jon: i see, you re bringing out special effects and an alien is going to burst out from your chest, bravo, eliot. i wish. the interns got regular milk instead of lactaid and now my tummy hurts. jon: you should probably lie down. okay, thank you for letting me use the couch in your office. jon: no! back to the space mines. how does that guy continually interrupt me? on a variety of different episodes. so what are we going to be mining up there, diamonds? space diamonds? unobtainium. we ll start with water because in actual fact the water is worth something like $20,000 to $50,000 a pound in deep space. yes, who amongst us wouldn t pay $50,000 for a pound of space water? (laughter) at the space convenience store. oh, you know what? i m light, just give me a half of pound of space water and one of the space us weeklies and are those space condoms? i ll take one of those. (laughter) are you sure that s the only reason we re going there? space water? these asteroids, as tom will tell you, have lifetimes of 30 million years. we need to grab them, quite frankly, before they do some damage to us. (laughter) where have i heard that pitch before? we will fight them overseas so we do not have to fight them here at home. (applause) jon: oh, my god, billionaires have just declared a preemptive war on asteroids. (laughter) this is awesome! until we get there and find out there was never any water in the first place. (laughter) look, i love this story. (cheers and applause) i love this story. but let s face facts, it seems a little farfetched. that s why it s a perfect candidate for our brand new segment bull (bleep) or no bull (bleep) with astrophysicist neil degrasse tyson. let s put 60 seconds up on the clock. (cheers and applause) good evening, jon. dr. tyson. dr. tyson, tonight s question, asteroid mining. bull (bleep) or no bull (bleep)? jon, in this case, the answer is no bull (bleep). jon: amazing. jon, your opening credits still show the earth rotating in the wrong direction. i m just saying. (laughter) (cheers and applause) (cheers and applause) jon: welcome back to the show. i don t know if you noticed this, by the way, neil degrasse tyson was holding a rubik s cube. i swear to you that thing was not solved when we gave it to him maybe 25 seconds before he walked out here. (laughter) he s e.t . i believe he is e.t . i think he did one of these. solve it. (laughter) listen, having spent the first act of tonight s show on asteroid mining which i did we turn now reluctantly to the 2012 presidential campaign. today stunning new development. this just into cnn. we have confirmed that newt gingrich will, indeed, drop out of the presidential race next week. (cheers and applause) jon: no, not yay. not yay. (laughter) anyway, he announced he was dropping out next week. (laughter) that is so gingrich. (laughter) today i am calling off this grotesque and hopeless charade of a campaign seven days from now. gingrich 2016! gingrich s news came on the heels of willington millington rom-nillington the 23rd big news sweeping primaries in new york, delaware, pennsylvania, rhode island and connecticut, ironically sewing up the republican nomination for president if five non-real america states. (laughter) now in the primary, romney ran as a severe conservative. the general election looming, how will romney make the pivot to more moderate voters? i don t know how. oh, my god, he s going for the full reboot! (laughter) (applause) tonight is the start of a new campaign. jon: you know, the other way to reboot romney is you stick an unbent paper clip in his urethra. (audience reacts) that is an appropriate reaction, by the way. simultaneously as one they just went oh! (laughter) that would hurt your pee pee. what would mark general election romney s appearance? easing of his immigration rhett stphreubg softening on taxes? today the hill before us is a little steep. but we ve always been a nation of big steppers. in the america i see, character and choices matter. i see an america with a growing middle-class. i see children even more successful than their parents. we believe in america. we believe in ourselves. our greatest days are ahead. we are, after all, americans! jon: ooh, a little light pro-america foreplay. america s good and a romney administration will like it! getting there. more like the version you d hear of reagan in an elevator, you know what i mean? if you d have gone up 11 floors before you re like is that reagan in the background? so if romney is this election s reagan, what is his opponent going for? now is not the time to make school more expensive for our young people. (cheers and applause) oh, yeah. (laughter) you should listen to the president. or, as i like to call him, the preezy of the united steezy. jon: what the. the president slow jamming the news on late night! so romney is this year s reagan, obama is this year s clinton. (laughter) wait a minute. normally brian williams slow jams. romney s running to replace obama, obama s running to replace brian williams! and brian williams wants my job! this has to end! somebody s got to be an adult around here! mr. president, you re the president! you don t have to do this (bleep) anymore! (laughter) although we d obviously love to have you back. (laughter) so i guess this is the two campaigns we re left with. obama/romney. there we go. it s going to be slim picks material wise. ron paul has promised to keep going, as i mentioned, until the convention. he s still raising that money, adding debt gatts. jon: help us, ron paul. you re our only hope. (cheers and applause) we ll be right back. (cheers and applause). jon: welcome back, my guest tonight, very funny actor, his new film is called the five year engagement. the men whether wear ya as and all eligible christians will serve communion. at my son s wedding? it s our wedding, pete, and i mean seeing as everyone s going to be wearing yarmulkes. actually, only the men will be wearing yarmulkes. well i ve never heard you say the word yarmulke until today. excuse me, i say yarmulke all the time. you don t. babe, have you seen my yarmulke. you don t have a yarmulke. i have a whole. it s in my jewish drawer. (laughter). jon: please welcome jason segel. (cheers and applause) jon: they love you. they re very fond of you. thank you. thank you very much. they are incredibly fond of you. nice to see you. thank you. it s my first time here. thank you for having me. jon: we re delighted to have you. i ve been wanting to be here forever. jon: we ve wanting you to be here forever. i m doing an improv game with you. i m yes anding. okay, thanks. jon: okay, thank you. you wrote this. cowrote this. with nick. we wrote muppets together. (applause). jon: i want to thank you for that. it is unusual for an adult to go with something with his children and enjoy it in a manner that is not enjoying it. like. because they re happy and they re eating candy. , no i know what you mean. jon: i loved it. thank you. you know, it s funny when you re talking about puppets it starts to feel weird as an adult. but muppets were my first come commitment 2012 mick influence. when you re a comedian, muppets were monty python to me and they were saturday night live so when i saw that the muppets weren t the muppets that i grew up with i wanted to bring them back. it meant a lot to me. jon: that s very nice because. and how did they respond to that because. it s not funny. it s very sincere. jon: our audience does not deal well nor do i with earnest emotions. (laughter) so what they expected you to do. by the way, that s the next movie i m doing earnest emotions. (laughter). jon: as a writer. because you are doing t.v. shows and you re writing. that was a jim varney joke. jon: was it really? ernest. jon: oh, ernest goes to emotional. (laughter) did you stop enjoying entertainment in, like 1978? because these are references that are take megalike. that s a beverly hillbillies reference. (laughter) that s all i got for you. jon: as a writer, how far ahead are you working? are you executing a film while writing the next one? because i know that process is tedious, time consuming and takes a lot of creative energy. yeah, well, i do a t.v. show called how i met your mother. (cheers and applause) and so basically what i do is during that t.v. season i write the movie i m going to do during the hiatus. so i spend every night. i come home from the show and i write what i m going start shooting when i get a break. jon: shouldn t you be out doing blow and getting into fights? (laughter) these are. these are not. jon: i think i know hollywood a little better than you do. (laughter) i m pretty sure that s what you re supposed to do. these are not mutually exclusive. jon: (laughs) all right, fair enough. is it now. does it hurt your focus. and, by the way, how did he meet the mother? because i ve been watching it for many years now and they have yet to tell how they actually met. do they tell you? i have no idea. i do kind of think at some point we re going to be, like, in our mid-50s and he should probably meet the mother or it s going to get weird. jon: i think it s going to be a jacob s ladder situation where they realize it s just the last minute of his life. do you remember jacob s ladder where they take you through that whole thing and at the very end it s like oh, he s just dying. i pitched a story to them that they thought was ridiculous. jon: let s hear it. i thought in the final episode it should be like that s how i met your mother. and then the windows should open because it test future and it should just be a postapocalyptic war. (laughter). jon: i like that! (makes bomb sopbdz). (laughter). jon: but they thought that was not romantic. (laughter) that is how even tv show should end. the end of every episode they should open the window. and, kid, that s how i met your mother. (laughter) let s get them! . jon: i like that. do you still. you re not going to do another muppet movie but. i worked on the muppets for about three quarters of a decade. this is seven and a half years i wrote that movie and got it made and i would just like to do some human-related project. jon: i think that s a wise choice. i remember doing. i taped a music special with sesame street , so it wasn t necessarily the muppet characters but it always freaked me out that the puppet actors who are so good at what they do continue when you say cut to do this so it s like one, two, three, i love you. . it s the weirdest thing of all time because you want to respect them as people. (laughter) i mean, they re talented. (laughter) jon: you are going to get your ass kick bid kermit. but when i did forgetting sarah marshall we ended with a lavish puppet musical and. (cheers and applause) thank you. but i remember one lady came up and. (laughs) she was like thanks for doing the movie. and i was like, oh, no, of course, you re welcome, human woman. (laughter) and then she was like no, thank you, sweetheart. (laughter) okay, human woman. come back to me. come back, human woman, come back. jon: well five year engage. is a human movie. it was just voted by international film magazine as the best film of all time. jon: oh, my god, that s my favorite magazine! i never miss an episnowed. catch it on your ipads. jon: i do. five your engagement, the best film of all time, it will be in theaters on i think we should put this on a deck. we re doubleday and cartwright. .and we re brainstorming on the next round of skateboards. now you re going to see the magic. look at this. you know, to click all day is not that rewarding. .like i have to use my hand. i m going to cut this so i got my graphics. it s pretty sweet! now, i can send it to fool s gold for approval. i think it looks pretty metal. it s refreshing to be able to create something unique. that s max! the revolutionary galaxy note. .from samsung.
jason segel will be joining us. for those of you wondering at home what am i scribbling on the table, i can just show you, it s a. a scribble. (laughter) i wish it was more impressive. actually, it s a treasure map to a giant chest of scribbles. (laughter) all right, last night mitten king romney viii swept a five state primary to all but clinch the republican nomination thus beginning the six month general election slog to the white house and, try as i might, i am having difficulty giving a (bleep). (laughter and applause) this is this should be the top story. obama v. romney, it is on! (laughter) in all likelihood, it s predominantly what we re going to be talking about for the next few months. we ll probably talk about it later in the show. but right now. (laughter). .. i m ditching it because i watched the news today and i saw something so awesome! i m calling an audible. i m calling an audible. i m going to break open my emergency script jug i have that for emergencies. (laughter) (cheers and applause) i m going to hire somebody at this show whose sole job it is that when i come up with an idea that involves breaking something sharp their entire job is to just go i don t think you should do that. (laughter) you always end up hurting yourself because you re. you re kind of clumsy. (laughter) (laughs) role 212. this may seem like science fiction but today a group of space pioneers announced plans to mine asteroids for precious minerals. jon: spice pioneers going to mine mother (bleep)ing asteroids! (cheers and applause) for precious materials! boom, boom! (cheers and applause) yes! stew beat is all in! you know how rarely the news in 2012 looks and sounds how you thought news would look and sound in 2012! the only thing missing from this story in my kid fantasy is newsman skoept s non-futuristic sense of style. yeah! nano-nano shazbot. this asteroid retrieval project is being handled by eccentric billionaires. they are some of the most influential and wealthiest men on the planet. google s larry page and eric schmidt, director james cameron, and billionaire ross pro, jr. if you put two google billionaires with the microsoft billionaires and some astronauts together you can t go wrong. (laughter) except in an orgy. (laughter). jon: but even that guy, even that enthusiastic scientist looked like he s from the future. in the future people will all have really cool hair! thank you, man of tomorrow. so why are these dashing spend-o-nauts doing it? fame? knowledge? love of tang? the orange drink. (laughter) not the tang you perverts all thought of. since my childhood i ve wanted to do one thing, be an asteroid miner. (laughter) jon: did not see that coming. (laughter) you know who really probably thinks that that soundbite was weird? earth miners. (laughter) earth miners are like really? you want to be a miner? but without the oxygen we enjoy in the earth mine? i have an idea, why don t you work in our earth mines and just pretend you here in space? how about that? that s what everybody else does down here. hank over there, pretends, you know, he s on a beach. richie thinks he s queen elizabeth. now, you pretend you here in space, keep your eye on the canary and get back to (bleep)ing work. how about that? (laughter) although i will say this, everything is more glamorous in space. here s earth mining. (laughter) and now, ladies and gentlemen, asteroid mining. i don t want to close my eyes i don t want to fall asleep cause i miss you, baby and i don t want to miss a thing jon: actually, space mining seems less pleasant. look, i m telling you, what could go wrong with billionaires, famed director james cameron and miners in space? (screaming) well, there is that. if i could interrupt here, jon? jon: what s that? oh, hey, it s one of my writers, eliot, eliot, what s up? only the first alien movie directed by ridley scott had aliens killing workers in the spice mining industry. specifically mineral or transport for the wayland corporation. jon: you re fired, eliot. oh! oh! jon: i see, you re bringing out special effects and an alien is going to burst out from your chest, bravo, eliot. i wish. the interns got regular milk instead of lactaid and now my tummy hurts. jon: you should probably lie down. okay, thank you for letting me use the couch in your office. jon: no! back to the space mines. how does that guy continually interrupt me? on a variety of different episodes. so what are we going to be mining up there, diamonds? space diamonds? unobtainium. we ll start with water because in actual fact the water is worth something like $20,000 to $50,000 a pound in deep space. yes, who amongst us wouldn t pay $50,000 for a pound of space water? (laughter) at the space convenience store. oh, you know what? i m light, just give me a half of pound of space water and one of the space us weeklies and are those space condoms? i ll take one of those. (laughter) are you sure that s the only reason we re going there? space water? these asteroids, as tom will tell you, have lifetimes of 30 million years. we need to grab them, quite frankly, before they do some damage to us. (laughter) where have i heard that pitch before? we will fight them overseas so we do not have to fight them here at home. (applause) jon: oh, my god, billionaires have just declared a preemptive war on asteroids. (laughter) this is awesome! until we get there and find out there was never any water in the first place. (laughter) look, i love this story. (cheers and applause) i love this story. but let s face facts, it seems a little farfetched. that s why it s a perfect candidate for our brand new segment bull (bleep) or no bull (bleep) with astrophysicist neil degrasse tyson. let s put 60 seconds up on the clock. (cheers and applause) good evening, jon. dr. tyson. dr. tyson, tonight s question, asteroid mining. bull (bleep) or no bull (bleep)? jon, in this case, the answer is no bull (bleep). jon: amazing. jon, your opening credits still show the earth rotating in the wrong direction. i m just saying. (laughter) (cheers and applause) slow. bet you think you re pretty quick? yeah, i guess it is pretty quick. jesse?!? jesse? jesse?! much obliged. suddenly, everything else seems old-fashioned. ultrabook. inspired by intel. (cheers and applause) jon: welcome back to the show. i don t know if you noticed this, by the way, neil degrasse tyson was holding a rubik s cube. i swear to you that thing was not solved when we gave it to him maybe 25 seconds before he walked out here. (laughter) he s e.t . i believe he is e.t . i think he did one of these. solve it. (laughter) listen, having spent the first act of tonight s show on asteroid mining which i did we turn now reluctantly to the 2012 presidential campaign. today stunning new development. this just into cnn. we have confirmed that newt gingrich will, indeed, drop out of the presidential race next week. (cheers and applause) jon: no, not yay. not yay. (laughter) anyway, he announced he was dropping out next week. (laughter) that is so gingrich. (laughter) today i am calling off this grotesque and hopeless charade of a campaign seven days from now. gingrich 2016! gingrich s news came on the heels of willington millington rom-nillington the 23rd big news sweeping primaries in new york, delaware, pennsylvania, rhode island and connecticut, ironically sewing up the republican nomination for president if five non-real america states. (laughter) now in the primary, romney ran as a severe conservative. the general election looming, how will romney make the pivot to more moderate voters? i don t know how. oh, my god, he s going for the full reboot! (laughter) (applause) tonight is the start of a new campaign. jon: you know, the other way to reboot romney is you stick an unbent paper clip in his urethra. (audience reacts) that is an appropriate reaction, by the way. simultaneously as one they just went oh! (laughter) that would hurt your pee pee. what would mark general election romney s appearance? easing of his immigration rhett stphreubg softening on taxes? today the hill before us is a little steep. but we ve always been a nation of big steppers. in the america i see, character and choices matter. i see an america with a growing middle-class. i see children even more successful than their parents. we believe in america. we believe in ourselves. our greatest days are ahead. we are, after all, americans! jon: ooh, a little light pro-america foreplay. america s good and a romney administration will like it! getting there. more like the version you d hear of reagan in an elevator, you know what i mean? if you d have gone up 11 floors before you re like is that reagan in the background? so if romney is this election s reagan, what is his opponent going for? now is not the time to make school more expensive for our young people. (cheers and applause) oh, yeah. (laughter) you should listen to the president. or, as i like to call him, the preezy of the united steezy. jon: what the. the president slow jamming the news on late night! so romney is this year s reagan, obama is this year s clinton. (laughter) wait a minute. normally brian williams slow jams. romney s running to replace obama, obama s running to replace brian williams! and brian williams wants my job! this has to end! somebody s got to be an adult around here! mr. president, you re the president! you don t have to do this (bleep) anymore! (laughter) although we d obviously love to have you back. (laughter) so i guess this is the two campaigns we re left with. obama/romney. there we go. it s going to be slim picks material wise. ron paul has promised to keep going, as i mentioned, until the convention. he s still raising that money, adding debt gatts. jon: help us, ron paul. you re our only hope. (cheers and applause) we ll be right back. fred: you re invited to an old navy one day wonder. with one day wonder dresses for $8! woman 1: when? fred: this saturday. woman 2: why? fred: like you need an excuse. woman 3: how much? fred: $8. girl: wonder-ful! fred: say yes to one day wonder dresses saturday only at old navy! (cheers and applause). jon: welcome back, my guest tonight, very funny actor, his new film is called the five year engagement. the men whether wear ya as and all eligible christians will serve communion. at my son s wedding? it s our wedding, pete, and i mean seeing as everyone s going to be wearing yarmulkes. actually, only the men will be wearing yarmulkes. well i ve never heard you say the word yarmulke until today. excuse me, i say yarmulke all the time. you don t. babe, have you seen my yarmulke. you don t have a yarmulke. i have a whole. it s in my jewish drawer. (laughter). jon: please welcome jason segel. (cheers and applause) jon: they love you. they re very fond of you. thank you. thank you very much. they are incredibly fond of you. nice to see you. thank you. it s my first time here. thank you for having me. jon: we re delighted to have you. i ve been wanting to be here forever. jon: we ve wanting you to be here forever. i m doing an improv game with you. i m yes anding. okay, thanks. jon: okay, thank you. you wrote this. cowrote this. with nick. we wrote muppets together. (applause). jon: i want to thank you for that. it is unusual for an adult to go with something with his children and enjoy it in a manner that is not enjoying it. like. because they re happy and they re eating candy. , no i know what you mean. jon: i loved it. thank you. you know, it s funny when you re talking about puppets it starts to feel weird as an adult. but muppets were my first come commitment 2012 mick influence. when you re a comedian, muppets were monty python to me and they were saturday night live so when i saw that the muppets weren t the muppets that i grew up with i wanted to bring them back. it meant a lot to me. jon: that s very nice because. and how did they respond to that because. it s not funny. it s very sincere. jon: our audience does not deal well nor do i with earnest emotions. (laughter) so what they expected you to do. by the way, that s the next movie i m doing earnest emotions. (laughter). jon: as a writer. because you are doing t.v. shows and you re writing. that was a jim varney joke. jon: was it really? ernest. jon: oh, ernest goes to emotional. (laughter) did you stop enjoying entertainment in, like 1978? because these are references that are take megalike. that s a beverly hillbillies reference. (laughter) that s all i got for you. jon: as a writer, how far ahead are you working? are you executing a film while writing the next one? because i know that process is tedious, time consuming and takes a lot of creative energy. yeah, well, i do a t.v. show called how i met your mother. (cheers and applause) and so basically what i do is during that t.v. season i write the movie i m going to do during the hiatus. so i spend every night. i come home from the show and i write what i m going start shooting when i get a break. jon: shouldn t you be out doing blow and getting into fights? (laughter) these are. these are not. jon: i think i know hollywood a little better than you do. (laughter) i m pretty sure that s what you re supposed to do. these are not mutually exclusive. jon: (laughs) all right, fair enough. is it now. does it hurt your focus. and, by the way, how did he meet the mother? because i ve been watching it for many years now and they have yet to tell how they actually met. do they tell you? i have no idea. i do kind of think at some point we re going to be, like, in our mid-50s and he should probably meet the mother or it s going to get weird. jon: i think it s going to be a jacob s ladder situation where they realize it s just the last minute of his life. do you remember jacob s ladder where they take you through that whole thing and at the very end it s like oh, he s just dying. i pitched a story to them that they thought was ridiculous. jon: let s hear it. i thought in the final episode it should be like that s how i met your mother. and then the windows should open because it test future and it should just be a postapocalyptic war. (laughter). jon: i like that! (makes bomb sopbdz). (laughter). jon: but they thought that was not romantic. (laughter) that is how even tv show should end. the end of every episode they should open the window. and, kid, that s how i met your mother. (laughter) let s get them! . jon: i like that. do you still. you re not going to do another muppet movie but. i worked on the muppets for about three quarters of a decade. this is seven and a half years i wrote that movie and got it made and i would just like to do some human-related project. jon: i think that s a wise choice. i remember doing. i taped a music special with sesame street , so it wasn t necessarily the muppet characters but it always freaked me out that the puppet actors who are so good at what they do continue when you say cut to do this so it s like one, two, three, i love you. . it s the weirdest thing of all time because you want to respect them as people. (laughter) i mean, they re talented. (laughter) jon: you are going to get your ass kick bid kermit. but when i did forgetting sarah marshall we ended with a lavish puppet musical and. (cheers and applause) thank you. but i remember one lady came up and. (laughs) she was like thanks for doing the movie. and i was like, oh, no, of course, you re welcome, human woman. (laughter) and then she was like no, thank you, sweetheart. (laughter) okay, human woman. come back to me. come back, human woman, come back. jon: well five year engage. is a human movie. it was just voted by international film magazine as the best film of all time. jon: oh, my god, that s my favorite magazine! i never miss an episnowed. catch it on your ipads. jon: i do. five your engagement, the best film of all time, it will be in theaters on
april 25, 2012. from comedy central s world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) jon: welcome to the daily show ! my name is jon stewart. from the film five year engage. jason segel will be joining us. for those of you wondering at home what am i scribbling on the table, i can just show you, it s a. a scribble. (laughter) i wish it was more impressive. actually, it s a treasure map to a giant chest of scribbles. (laughter) all right, last night mitten king romney viii swept a five state primary to all but clinch the republican nomination thus beginning the six month general election slog to the white house and, try as i might, i am having difficulty giving a (bleep). (laughter and applause) this is this should be the top story. obama v. romney, it is on! (laughter) in all likelihood, it s predominantly what we re going to be talking about for the next few months. we ll probably talk about it later in the show. but right now. (laughter). .. i m ditching it because i watched the news today and i saw something so awesome! i m calling an audible. i m calling an audible. i m going to break open my emergency script jug i have that for emergencies. (laughter) (cheers and applause) i m going to hire somebody at this show whose sole job it is that when i come up with an idea that involves breaking something sharp their entire job is to just go i don t think you should do that. (laughter) you always end up hurting yourself because you re. you re kind of clumsy. (laughter) (laughs) role 212. this may seem like science fiction but today a group of space pioneers announced plans to mine asteroids for precious minerals. jon: spice pioneers going to mine mother (bleep)ing asteroids! (cheers and applause) for precious materials! boom, boom! (cheers and applause) yes! stew beat is all in! you know how rarely the news in 2012 looks and sounds how you thought news would look and sound in 2012! the only thing missing from this story in my kid fantasy is newsman skoept s non-futuristic sense of style. yeah! nano-nano shazbot. this asteroid retrieval project is being handled by eccentric billionaires. they are some of the most influential and wealthiest men on the planet. google s larry page and eric schmidt, director james cameron, and billionaire ross pro, jr. if you put two google billionaires with the microsoft billionaires and some astronauts together you can t go wrong. (laughter) except in an orgy. (laughter). jon: but even that guy, even that enthusiastic scientist looked like he s from the future. in the future people will all have really cool hair! thank you, man of tomorrow. so why are these dashing spend-o-nauts doing it? fame? knowledge? love of tang? the orange drink. (laughter) not the tang you perverts all thought of. since my childhood i ve wanted to do one thing, be an asteroid miner. (laughter) jon: did not see that coming. (laughter) you know who really probably thinks that that soundbite was weird? earth miners. (laughter) earth miners are like really? you want to be a miner? but without the oxygen we enjoy in the earth mine? i have an idea, why don t you work in our earth mines and just pretend you here in space? how about that? that s what everybody else does down here. hank over there, pretends, you know, he s on a beach. richie thinks he s queen elizabeth. now, you pretend you here in space, keep your eye on the canary and get back to (bleep)ing work. how about that? (laughter) although i will say this, everything is more glamorous in space. here s earth mining. (laughter) and now, ladies and gentlemen, asteroid mining. i don t want to close my eyes i don t want to fall asleep cause i miss you, baby and i don t want to miss a thing jon: actually, space mining seems less pleasant. look, i m telling you, what could go wrong with billionaires, famed director james cameron and miners in space? (screaming) well, there is that. if i could interrupt here, jon? jon: what s that? oh, hey, it s one of my writers, eliot, eliot, what s up? only the first alien movie directed by ridley scott had aliens killing workers in the spice mining industry. specifically mineral or transport for the wayland corporation. jon: you re fired, eliot. oh! oh! jon: i see, you re bringing out special effects and an alien is going to burst out from your chest, bravo, eliot. i wish. the interns got regular milk instead of lactaid and now my tummy hurts. jon: you should probably lie down. okay, thank you for letting me use the couch in your office. jon: no! back to the space mines. how does that guy continually interrupt me? on a variety of different episodes. so what are we going to be mining up there, diamonds? space diamonds? unobtainium. we ll start with water because in actual fact the water is worth something like $20,000 to $50,000 a pound in deep space. yes, who amongst us wouldn t pay $50,000 for a pound of space water? (laughter) at the space convenience store. oh, you know what? i m light, just give me a half of pound of space water and one of the space us weeklies and are those space condoms? i ll take one of those. (laughter) are you sure that s the only reason we re going there? space water? these asteroids, as tom will tell you, have lifetimes of 30 million years. we need to grab them, quite frankly, before they do some damage to us. (laughter) where have i heard that pitch before? we will fight them overseas so we do not have to fight them here at home. (applause) jon: oh, my god, billionaires have just declared a preemptive war on asteroids. (laughter) this is awesome! until we get there and find out there was never any water in the first place. (laughter) look, i love this story. (cheers and applause) i love this story. but let s face facts, it seems a little farfetched. that s why it s a perfect candidate for our brand new segment bull (bleep) or no bull (bleep) with astrophysicist neil degrasse tyson. let s put 60 seconds up on the clock. (cheers and applause) good evening, jon. dr. tyson. dr. tyson, tonight s question, asteroid mining. bull (bleep) or no bull (bleep)? jon, in this case, the answer is no bull (bleep). jon: amazing. jon, your opening credits still show the earth rotating in the wrong direction. i m just saying. (laughter) (cheers and applause) so we re writing a whole bunch of different poems at the same time. i m a writer. i m a teacher. i m a poet. when i see somebody s handwriting i have an immediate connection to who that person is. pass! any new technology introduces new forms of expression. this is so cool. .and that moment of connection is really powerful. .that s all he s really pleased about. the revolutionary galaxy note. .from samsung. (cheers and applause) jon: welcome back to the show. i don t know if you noticed this, by the way, neil degrasse tyson was holding a rubik s cube. i swear to you that thing was not solved when we gave it to him maybe 25 seconds before he walked out here. (laughter) he s e.t . i believe he is e.t . i think he did one of these. solve it. (laughter) listen, having spent the first act of tonight s show on asteroid mining which i did we turn now reluctantly to the 2012 presidential campaign. today stunning new development. this just into cnn. we have confirmed that newt gingrich will, indeed, drop out of the presidential race next week. (cheers and applause) jon: no, not yay. not yay. (laughter) anyway, he announced he was dropping out next week. (laughter) that is so gingrich. (laughter) today i am calling off this grotesque and hopeless charade of a campaign seven days from now. gingrich 2016! gingrich s news came on the heels of willington millington rom-nillington the 23rd big news sweeping primaries in new york, delaware, pennsylvania, rhode island and connecticut, ironically sewing up the republican nomination for president if five non-real america states. (laughter) now in the primary, romney ran as a severe conservative. the general election looming, how will romney make the pivot to more moderate voters? i don t know how. oh, my god, he s going for the full reboot! (laughter) (applause) tonight is the start of a new campaign. jon: you know, the other way to reboot romney is you stick an unbent paper clip in his urethra. (audience reacts) that is an appropriate reaction, by the way. simultaneously as one they just went oh! (laughter) that would hurt your pee pee. what would mark general election romney s appearance? easing of his immigration rhett stphreubg softening on taxes? today the hill before us is a little steep. but we ve always been a nation of big steppers. in the america i see, character and choices matter. i see an america with a growing middle-class. i see children even more successful than their parents. we believe in america. we believe in ourselves. our greatest days are ahead. we are, after all, americans! jon: ooh, a little light pro-america foreplay. america s good and a romney administration will like it! getting there. more like the version you d hear of reagan in an elevator, you know what i mean? if you d have gone up 11 floors before you re like is that reagan in the background? so if romney is this election s reagan, what is his opponent going for? now is not the time to make school more expensive for our young people. (cheers and applause) oh, yeah. (laughter) you should listen to the president. or, as i like to call him, the preezy of the united steezy. jon: what the. the president slow jamming the news on late night! so romney is this year s reagan, obama is this year s clinton. (laughter) wait a minute. normally brian williams slow jams. romney s running to replace obama, obama s running to replace brian williams! and brian williams wants my job! this has to end! somebody s got to be an adult around here! mr. president, you re the president! you don t have to do this (bleep) anymore! (laughter) although we d obviously love to have you back. (laughter) so i guess this is the two campaigns we re left with. obama/romney. there we go. it s going to be slim picks material wise. ron paul has promised to keep going, as i mentioned, until the convention. he s still raising that money, adding debt gatts. jon: help us, ron paul. you re our only hope. (cheers and applause) we ll be right back. (cheers and applause). jon: welcome back, my guest tonight, very funny actor, his new film is called the five year engagement. the men whether wear ya as and all eligible christians will serve communion. at my son s wedding? it s our wedding, pete, and i mean seeing as everyone s going to be wearing yarmulkes. actually, only the men will be wearing yarmulkes. well i ve never heard you say the word yarmulke until today. excuse me, i say yarmulke all the time. you don t. babe, have you seen my yarmulke. you don t have a yarmulke. i have a whole. it s in my jewish drawer. (laughter). jon: please welcome jason segel. (cheers and applause) jon: they love you. they re very fond of you. thank you. thank you very much. they are incredibly fond of you. nice to see you. thank you. it s my first time here. thank you for having me. jon: we re delighted to have you. i ve been wanting to be here forever. jon: we ve wanting you to be here forever. i m doing an improv game with you. i m yes anding. okay, thanks. jon: okay, thank you. you wrote this. cowrote this. with nick. we wrote muppets together. (applause). jon: i want to thank you for that. it is unusual for an adult to go with something with his children and enjoy it in a manner that is not enjoying it. like. because they re happy and they re eating candy. , no i know what you mean. jon: i loved it. thank you. you know, it s funny when you re talking about puppets it starts to feel weird as an adult. but muppets were my first come commitment 2012 mick influence. when you re a comedian, muppets were monty python to me and they were saturday night live so when i saw that the muppets weren t the muppets that i grew up with i wanted to bring them back. it meant a lot to me. jon: that s very nice because. and how did they respond to that because. it s not funny. it s very sincere. jon: our audience does not deal well nor do i with earnest emotions. (laughter) so what they expected you to do. by the way, that s the next movie i m doing earnest emotions. (laughter). jon: as a writer. because you are doing t.v. shows and you re writing. that was a jim varney joke. jon: was it really? ernest. jon: oh, ernest goes to emotional. (laughter) did you stop enjoying entertainment in, like 1978? because these are references that are take megalike. that s a beverly hillbillies reference. (laughter) that s all i got for you. jon: as a writer, how far ahead are you working? are you executing a film while writing the next one? because i know that process is tedious, time consuming and takes a lot of creative energy. yeah, well, i do a t.v. show called how i met your mother. (cheers and applause) and so basically what i do is during that t.v. season i write the movie i m going to do during the hiatus. so i spend every night. i come home from the show and i write what i m going start shooting when i get a break. jon: shouldn t you be out doing blow and getting into fights? (laughter) these are. these are not. jon: i think i know hollywood a little better than you do. (laughter) i m pretty sure that s what you re supposed to do. these are not mutually exclusive. jon: (laughs) all right, fair enough. is it now. does it hurt your focus. and, by the way, how did he meet the mother? because i ve been watching it for many years now and they have yet to tell how they actually met. do they tell you? i have no idea. i do kind of think at some point we re going to be, like, in our mid-50s and he should probably meet the mother or it s going to get weird. jon: i think it s going to be a jacob s ladder situation where they realize it s just the last minute of his life. do you remember jacob s ladder where they take you through that whole thing and at the very end it s like oh, he s just dying. i pitched a story to them that they thought was ridiculous. jon: let s hear it. i thought in the final episode it should be like that s how i met your mother. and then the windows should open because it test future and it should just be a postapocalyptic war. (laughter). jon: i like that! (makes bomb sopbdz). (laughter). jon: but they thought that was not romantic. (laughter) that is how even tv show should end. the end of every episode they should open the window. and, kid, that s how i met your mother. (laughter) let s get them! . jon: i like that. do you still. you re not going to do another muppet movie but. i worked on the muppets for about three quarters of a decade. this is seven and a half years i wrote that movie and got it made and i would just like to do some human-related project. jon: i think that s a wise choice. i remember doing. i taped a music special with sesame street , so it wasn t necessarily the muppet characters but it always freaked me out that the puppet actors who are so good at what they do continue when you say cut to do this so it s like one, two, three, i love you. . it s the weirdest thing of all time because you want to respect them as people. (laughter) i mean, they re talented. (laughter) jon: you are going to get your ass kick bid kermit. but when i did forgetting sarah marshall we ended with a lavish puppet musical and. (cheers and applause) thank you. but i remember one lady came up and. (laughs) she was like thanks for doing the movie. and i was like, oh, no, of course, you re welcome, human woman. (laughter) and then she was like no, thank you, sweetheart. (laughter) okay, human woman. come back to me. come back, human woman, come back. jon: well five year engage. is a human movie. it was just voted by international film magazine as the best film of all time. jon: oh, my god, that s my favorite magazine! i never miss an episnowed. catch it on your ipads. jon: i do. five your engagement, the best film of all time, it will be in theaters on