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We are visited today fortunately by malala yousafzai, who is one of our favorites. She a young woman. cheers and applause who is a Nobel Peace Prize recipient, which i think is apropos for today. You know i have to i have i have one job and its a Pretty Simple job. I come in, in the morning and we look at the news and i write jokes about it. And then i make a couple of faces, and like a like a noise like a rer. And then its just chaching and im out the door. laughter but i didnt do my job today so i apologize. I got nothing are you in terms of like jokes and sounds because of what happened in ...

Run. His name is donald. laughter and. cheers and applause good man. And donald recently glided back into my life on his solid gold up and down people mover, cranked up the unauthorized millian, opened up his crazy hole and made a promise to me that i would never be without material again laughter when mexico sends its people, theyre not sending their best. Theyre sending people that have lots of problems, and theyre bringing those problems with us. Theyre bringing drugs. Theyre bringing crime. Theyre rapists. And some, i assume, are good people. laughter jon thats our donald trump reminding a...

From Comedy Centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart cheers and applause captioning sponsored by Comedy Central jon hi, everybody welcome to the daily show my name is jon stewart my guest tonight one of our alltime favorites, sarah vowell will be joining us tonight. Were so excited about that. cheers and applause you know what . This is the last show before we go on a break a coupleweek break. Then when we get back, basically its a threeweek run to the finale. Obviously, ive got a lot of mixed emotions about this, but i want to talk about one person...

[laughter] 29 minutes long but it gets cooking around a 117. Im not going to screw around tonight as someone reminded me in the audience tonight [laughter] apparently if i understand it correctly, no ones interested in my [bleep] tonight. So lets just get to it. Ladies and gentlemen the 44th president of the united states. Please welcome back to the Program President barack obama. [crowd cheering] thank you. Jon you know, i am amazed and humble every time i come out here and get that ovation. Im just happy you were here to witness it. [laughter] what are you going to do. How are you . What hav...

Larry oh, thanks, jeb. cheers and applause very good timing. We actually did some research on this, and our Research Team came up with an actual number. Crack Research Team, what it that break down to . One in nine laughter larry all right. Thank you. Thank you. Our crack Research Team tim, everyone. laughter that means close to one in nine married people in america are actively trying to have an affair on just this one site. Statistically speaking, thats like two duggars. laughter [ audience oohs ] oh. So just what is all stake in at stake in this hack . Hackers threaten to reveal customers s...