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Appreciate that. I miss you already. Very nice. Thank you very much. We are coming to you from thank you, thank you. Please, now its embarrassing. Sit back, relax. We are coming to you from las vegas, nevada. We are in the zappos theater. I came in on an airplane, ill be leaving on a mobility scooter. Heres why vegas is number one. [cheers and applause] ill explain it. Its not just one city. All the great cities of the world are represented here. Youve got new york, paris, rome, margaritaville. Vegas is the city thats been jacked up on red bull for 48 hours straight. There is alcohol everywher...

Jimmy i love you welcome. [ cheers and applause hey i love you, welcome. Thank you for being here welcome everybody. Thank you. Have a seat. Enjoy yourself welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome to the tonight show. Youre here. [ cheers and applause you made it to the show. Give it up for the roots right there, ladies and gentlemen. [ cheers and applause you guys, its the weekend and theres so much is going on. Avengers is in theaters. [ cheers and applause yeah theres an all new game of thrones. [ cheers and applause and the nfl draft is under way right now. [ cheers and applause at some point ne...

These good boys deserve a treaty. Coming this summit. Announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight he said, xi said. Plus stephen welcomes bill hader. And musical guest james bay. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen whooo. Hello thanks, everybody, thank you so much. Welcome, welcome one and all. Ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages, welcome to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. Remember during the campaign in 2016, when the president said that wer...

China. Stephen do you know anything about Winston Churchill . That is a great woman. Stephen lets move one. Now, this morning, you got in a tweet fight with bette midler. Tell me about that. That may have been the greatest battle ever in history. Stephen okay. Related question how does your staff put up with you . They take massive amounts of drugs. They have to. Stephen that makes sense. Now, i want to ask you about the u. S. S. John mccain. When were you in japan, your staff hid the mccain from your view. You say you did not ask them to do that. What did you ask them to do with the u. S. S. ...

Havent lost very much in my life. Dude, you lost a billion dollars in ten years [ laughter ] thats like the team that plays the globetrotters saying they havent lost very much [ laughter ] according to reports, senator Bernie Sanders is preparing for this weeks democratic primary debate by reading opposing policy positions instead of doing drills or mock debates while President Trump is preparing by consulting a rhyming dictionary [ light laughter ] orourke, dork. Thats good. Write that down. [ laughter ] former pennsylvania congressman joe sestak announced yesterday he is running for presiden...