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Kauai leonard somehow wound up on the clippers. I didnt feelitr of the earthquakes. I dont know. I was driving once and the other one i was like people were like did you feel that . I didnt feel anything but a lot of people did. And you know what you do when theres a big earthquake . You have to get your phone out and start rolling cameras, because this earthquake, everyone was taping. It shook up some kind of weird school performance. I dont know what was going on there. This apartment the apartment lost a television set. Even at dodgers stadium they felt the earthquake. You can see there the...

[laughter] again, i had already slept with im not a great person. Im just making the point. Wait, wait. What is the point again . The point is, like my girlfriend, all the liberals screaming and shouting annoys people so much it makes them vote for trump. Well, but wait. Isnt there a double standard here, michael . I mean, like, the president s supporters want civility, but hes out there calling people bitches and saying that some women are too ugly to assault. Hes just telling it how it is. I mean, sorry if it triggers you, but its funny. Okay, but then Robert De Niro saying [bleep] trump at ...

Space force. Mother packed his pjs and everything. How he got stuck with this space force job, i do not know. While hes here, maybe we can put him on the millennium falcon ride at disney land and tell him its the space force up and running. Meanwhile, back in the white house, the president is pumping his tiny fists. The uk ambassador to the United States resigned today. Private comments were leaked and revealed to a tabloid and referred to our stable genius as clumsy, inept and insecure. It did not go over well with his majesty, he called him a stupid guy and banned him from the white house. 2...

Conflicts coughing youre talking yourself into prison he said theres no collusion. He didnt say theres no collusion. He said no collusion coughing shut your mouth, you crazy bastard coughing announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert tonight, trumps poll dance. Plus, stephen welcomes dax shepard. Preet bharara. With special appearance by jon stewart. And musical guest lukas nelson and promise of the real. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen whoo happy monday thanks, ever...

She was a professional con artist. Robbing lonely men of money with the promise of sex. Someone said you should put a bullet through her head. Many people think he is in jail, he is convicted. Im still here, you bastards. A witness in the case thinks he knows who the killer really is. Smoke that let me tell you about hollywood. When something bad has to happen, like a husband or a wife has to be eliminated, or an executive has to be eliminated and believe me, show business, theres a lot of strange things that happen. But the way they happen is like, i would talk to my lawyer, now thats confide...