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Pray to me from home. What words can i speak that they will heed . Um, try flatten the curve or dont be a jerk. Also, people are going to ask what theyre supposed to do all day while theyre quarantined. How shall i answer them . Tell them they Just Announced a new episode of tiger king. Also, worry not, i will send down a savior. They will ask what is his name . His name is jared kushner. silence gotcha oh, moses, you should have seen your face nit, mk onmaffber a sucker anne also stephen welcomes chance the rapper and musical guest jim james, with a special appearance by lady gaga, featuring jon batiste and sta stay homin. Now, live on tape from a safe distance, its Stephen Colbert stephen hey, everybody, and welcome to the late show. Im your shows Stephen Colbert. I hope youre safe and sound. Were enderring week four ....
Person bunker but turns out guys from parasite are living there. Very nice folks. The big story tonight is all you people. People all over america have hunkered down in their own houses to ride out the the coronavirus. The c. D. C. Is saying this might go on for the next eight weeks. So get comfortable, and try to look on the bright side, youre finally going to get a chance to binge watch all that toilet paper you bought, and you better watch it, jack, because im coming for it. I did not plan well. The government remember them . The government is telling all of us to avoid human contact indefinitely. On behalf to have the socially anxious everywhere, let me just say way ahead of you. I have been avoiding human contact since before it was cool. Keep in mind, this is not the first time humanity has had to sequester itself to prevent the spread of infection. Did you know sir isaac newton retreated to his home in the countryside when the great plague of 166 1665 hit london . During that is ....
The ref at least ten times. But in the end, he was still the ref. No harm, no foul. Next thing you know, theyll say its a crime to attempt murder. Attempted murder is a crime. News to me. For all of us at cbs news sports boom goes the democracy. Anner its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, mulling mueller. Plus, stephen welcomes Jeff Goldblum and aisha tyler, featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause theme song playing stephen whoo thanks, everybody please have a seat very nice delightful. What a lovely group of people here tonight. Welcome to the late show. Im your host Stephen Colbert. Everyone is still talking. cheers and applause everybody out ther ....
We have distraught white men, upset asian men, or men feeling unnerved together, an auditorium full of anxious men. Even a worried guy on a toilet. So visit menwithhandsontheir foreheads. Com today and find the perfect image that says, ill never be able to retire. Now hiring for head models. Its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight the leave us alone star state. Plus, stephen welcomes Amanda Seyfried, Jacob Tremblay brady noon, and keith l. Williams. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert a cheers and applause stephen come on hi i ran a little faster. Beautiful wonderful how delightful thank you so much. Please, have a seat, everybody. Welcome. Welcome, one and all, in ....
Announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight d. J. T. Day plus, stephen welcomes mindy kaling. And seth green. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause band playing stephen oh hey good to see ya whats going on . cheers and applause happy thursday, everybody audience stephen, Stephen Stephen whoo got to get these people on the straight and narrow here, back on the path. cheers and applause thanks, everybody please cheers and applause nice. Thats nice. Hello, all. Hello, all. Please have a seat, everybody. Thank you so much for being here. Welcome one and all to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. It is the cheers and applause piano riff ....