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Look at that little guy. Look at that little gentleman. During his Senate Testimony today, attorney general Jeff Sessions said that any suggestion he colluded with russia during the election is quote, an appalling and detestable lie. And he blamed it on those golddarn duke boys. [ light laughter ] former House Speaker Newt Gingrich has published a new book titled understanding trump. And i have to say its a pretty quick read. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] a new poll found that only 37 of voters think President Trump is honest. Or as trump put it 100 . [ laughter and applause ] seth the ...

[ cheers and applause ] thank you for joining us right here on a special night. You join us on what is hands down our wettest show of the year. Our most beloved summer tradition happens tonight. Directly behind our theater we have erected this beautiful aboveground swimming pool. It cost us more than 40 million to build this. And it was worth every penny. [ laughter ] because tonight were going to grab random people off the street, ask them to disrobe and do a belly flop on television for you. It is our 11th annual [ cheers and applause ] pedestrian belly flop competition. It started back in 2...

Give a special welcome to those of you who are here on your way to comiccon in san diego, which started today. Comiccon as you know is the Worlds Largest gathering of adults wearing onesies and the reason your i. T. Guy didnt answer his phone today. [ laughter ] theyre expecting a number of big movie trailers Like Justice League and maybe aqua man. Maybe the avengers will be unveiled there this week. Trailers used to be something you had to sit through before the movie you wanted to see started. Now because of comiccon, people sit on the sidewalk in Storm Trooper outfits to see them. [ laughte...

[ cheers ] let me ask you something. I dont know. Maybe its just me. Does anybody feel a little bit lighter today like some weight maybe has been lifted off of your body . [ cheers ] well, President Trump is out of the country today. [ cheers and applause ] he is coming back. So calm down. The president and the first lady arrived in paris today at the invitation of french president emmanuel macron. There they are together. Last time they had a handshake it lasted longer than like two of trumps marriages. [ laughter ] so all eyes were on this one. It went without incident. There was one uncomfo...

Thank you for joining me. [ cheers and applause ] on a Major International holiday. Today, in case you didnt know, and im pretty sure you didnt know, today is world emoji day. So i think i speak for all of us when i say thumbs up thumbs up champagne bottle party hat goats, right . [ laughter ] today is also the day we try to figure out what the hell happened on game of thrones. Did you watch the season premiere . A Record Number of people more than 16 people watched i was one of them. Never thought i would be so excited to see someone empty a bed pan. [ laughter ] but i was. I loved it. Even t...