sandra bullock, kat von d, his life. would you do the same again? jesse james, no holds barred. for the hour, this is a piers morgan exclusive. >> you thought i was going to hit you. love him or hate him jesse james puts it out there. he says his life is an open book and that's what it's become in "american outlaw." jesse joins me now. jesse, we met twice. once on "celebrity apprentice" when i guay youave you a bit of grilling. >> you thought i was going to hit you. >> i did actually. it was the one time in my recent television career when i thought, this is not going to end happily. you kept staring at me with a death stair. >> i'm sorry. >> i have a chilling death stare. >> i'm a pussycat. >> the second time we met was a more surreal situation. it was the oscars. i was doing the red carpet. you came down and we had fun about "the apprentice." i said, can i meet sandra. you brought her over and i checked yesterday. i made note of what she said. i said, i like jesse. she said i wake up every day and i remind myself how lucky i am to have him. >> mm-hmm. >> within four days it was over. the scandal broke. that was it. i find it sad when i read back the notes i had made then. >> i think it was sad. it's funny, like, how quick, you know, life can change and the things that are closest to you can be gone in the blink of an eye. it's not just for me. it's for anyone, you know? >> you're honest in the book and commendably so. you don't hide anything. you take all the criticism firmly on your chin. i suppose the overriding question for me when i read it was, if you had your time again, would you do the same thing? >> as far as like the infidelity stuff? >> as far as -- the key thing here is you talk about the relationship with sandra. you talk about what happened. i will come to that later in the interview. i wondered when i read it if you regret that it happened or you regret it being exposed or how you really feel. >> i think the whole book is hindsight. starting from when i was a kid i would rather get the football scholarship instead of bein jail when the scouts came around. you know? >> would you? >> yeah. >> these are interesting questions. >> if i could have went back and played football now and still get a college scholarship though i never would have turned pro because i was too small i would do that. as far as the relationship with sandy, you know, i should have did the honorable thing. i should have left her. you know? if i wanted to screw around i would have, you know, ended it. >> given where your life has ended up now, the question i'm really ask is whether you regret the course of events? forget your behavior for a moment or whether you wish you had never been unfaithful and were still with sandra. how do you honestly feel? >> i wouldn't go back and change things, you know. i'm not happy i hurt her and hurt so many people around her in my family and everybody else. i would never want to put anybody through that again. i'm a firm believer that things happen in life to teach us a lesson. there is obviously someone who thought, you know, i was a strong [ bleep ] to put this kind of adversity on me, you know, and push me to my -- damn near to my breaking point. things are, i think better now. you know, there's some sadness there and some regret and guilt, sorrow and every negative emotion you can imagine. i don't think -- you know, i mean, god. how do you -- you know, if i could go back through my whole life and not make all the mistakes i would make, sure. yeah. i would be a perfect person. >> i got as far as the very early part of the book where i start reading how your father hit you. >> mm-hmm. >> punched you. not just a smacked bottom. >> i probably deserved it. i was a bad kid. >> but a proper punch is different, isn't it? >> i think getting punched in the face by my dad was like, whoa, there is a lot of hate there. that wasn't love. >> horrible. i hated reading it. >> yeah. it sucked, you know? >> why was he so angry, do you think? >> i think it was probably learned behavior. people are taught everything, you know? he probably learned it from someone else or his dad or someone in his family. you know, i don't think that stuff comes out of the blue. i think there was problems with probably substance abuse and stuff like that. you know, i don't really blame him for his actions. you know, my dad -- you know, i still love my dad. he's like the white fred sanford. you know? he was a great guy. we were buddies when i was growing up. i just think that kids was an afterthought. it wasn't a priority. it was like, oh, [ bleep ], i've got kids. you know? he didn't control his actions. >> did he ever apologize to you for hitting you? >> no. >> do you think he should? >> no. i don't think so. i think i'm cool with it. you know, it's the dichotomy of me. it made me who i am. made me strong. made me never do it to my kids. >> your big dream was to be a footballer. you had real talent, but partly, i think -- >> now real football. not the kickball like you guys play. >> you big guys wearing the padding and helmets, unlike ours. to be serious this was a dream of yours and you were talented. reading the book you drift into a life of crime, partly because of the abuse you're getting at home. >> i think i was clinging to anything. i clinged to the wrong friends and the wrong crowd. on the football field i was a disciplined soldier. i would kill for my coaches and do everything perfect. every drill, every practice, everything. i would be the first one there and the last to leave. as soon as football season ended i didn't have any structure. i would just get in trouble, steal stuff, get in fights. you know, football was basically my family. that was my family structure and family life. i think that's why i have the work ethic i have. i like teamwork and leadership. it's because of football. >> the crime came at a rather crucial time in your football career. you end up in jail. >> mm-hmm. >> you carried out some form of armed robbery. >> mm-hmm. >> when you think back to what you were doing, do you recognize the young man you were then? >> yeah. i think it was foolish. if i could go back and change any one thing in my life, i would go back and get the scholarship to any of the hundred school that is recruited me. >> you think going to jail ruined that? >> oh, yeah, totally. i was in jail for 90 days and all the college scouts showed up at my high school to meet me two weeks after the season was over. my couch couldn't lie. hey, where's jesse? we want to see how fast he runs the 40-yard dash and all that stuff. he had to tell them, hey, i was in jail. >> when you were in jail, what were you thinking? >> it was sad. you know, i think it was -- i felt probably the most alone i have felt in my life. i didn't really have a lot of family to speak of. i just had the friends i made in there, you know. man, i'm glad i did it. it kind of -- >> aside from mundane jail life, aside from you and your values as a human being -- because you didn't go back to jail. you managed to get out of the cycle. when you were in there you must have been thinking, this is not a life i want to lead? >> i think my senior year in high school when i missed over a hundred days of the year and almost didn't graduate. i had to go to summer school to get my diploma and missed out on college scholarships. i had to go to junior college which was like a put-down to me because i was such a highly recruited player and i had to go to a small school. like where all the screw-ups go. it said, hey, i have to take care of business, you know, and not do it again. got to get a job, get responsible. >> how hard was it to get a job when you have todone time? not easy, was it? >> well, i was a juvenile. it wasn't really doing time. it was 30, 60, 90 days. wasn't really like convict time. so i'm not minimizing it, but i don't think when you're 18 or anything like that, i don't think people -- they don't look at a guy who moves furniture for a furniture store, you're not looking at his record. >> let's take a break. when we come back, i want to talk about this bizarre career move you made into becoming -- i think bizarre, given where you have come from, to become a rock star body guard. >> cool. beer and wine, and cupcakes. i was doing the corporate grind, like everyone else. but to be successful, i knew i had to be different. ink, ink, ink, ink, ink... i mean i love that card. it does things differently too. great customer service, going above and beyond to help me out as a small business. it's accepted in twice as many places around the world as american express, and if i ever need to give my employees ink cards, they're free. announcer: make your mark with ink. chase what matters. go to chase.com/ink. your advertising mail campaign is paying off! business is good! it must be if you're doing all that overnight shipping. that must cost a fortune. it sure does. well, if it doesn't have to get there overnight, you can save a lot with priority mail flat rate envelopes. one flat rate to any state, just $4.95. that's cool and all... but it ain't my money. i seriously do not care... so, you don't care what anyone says, you want to save this company money! that's exactly what i was saying. hmmm... priority mail flat rate envelopes, just $4.95 only from the postal service. a simpler way to ship. my special guest tonight is jesse james. jesse, you started doing various odd jobs. then you meet producer rick ruben. one of your first jobs is doing security for his bands including flava flav and your specific task is to stop him from smoking crack during performances. >> not during performances. he was recording an album. rick was doing public enemy's album. they had me drive around, follow him, make sure he didn't buy crack from anyone in l.a. for a week. >> the big break, the thing you really loved was motor bikes. >> mm-hmm. >> tell me how you got into it and realized you can make proper money at this. >> i never did it about the money. when i was on the road with bands like late '80s, early '90s i spent time in europe. i started going to every motorcycle shop i could all over england, france, germany and scandinavia. i started putting together, hey, i want to build motorcycles. when i was off the road, you know, i would work on my bikes. i always had a project going at home. you know, i just kind of -- that's what i loved. i loved building stuff. >> you not only made a living. you got a tv show, "monster garage," which became a huge hit. >> mm-hmm. >> the downside -- and you're honest about it. you got married at this stage but you're devoted to the new business and the marriage falls apart. >> i was married to the shop first and foremost. you know, i was married to west coast choppers for 17 years. anything else was secondary. >> you get remarried to a porn star, janine, who is abusive to you. >> mm-hmm. >> i read the book and started to see the seeds, perhaps, of a lot of problem that is follow you later. you have been punched by your father. you get beaten up by this adult entertainment star wife of yours. >> i think that's what was go g going -- you know, that relationship was going to what i know. chaos. it's what i grew up with. i'm going to what i'm comfortable with. >> you were drawn to it. >> that seemed like home to me. soon after that, sandy walked into my life and it was like the complete opposite of janine. you know? stable. has her own job and is well-spoken and kind of america's sweetheart. you know, the typical girl next door and compared to something that was chaos i was like, wow, that's what i need. that's the kind of person i need to be with. you know? >> when you first get together with sandra, tell me about the early days. where did you meet her? >> i met her at the shop. she met in her godson to meet me. he was a fan of the shop and "monster garage". >> you're not a likely couple, if you don't mind me saying that. when i first saw you together i thought you were clearly -- you know, exactly what you portray in the book. you're a bad boy with tattoos, used to being a security guy at concerts. >> well, wait a minute. >> she's america's sweet heart. you're not a natural fit. >> well, you can't pick and choose who you want to be with. when you fall in love with someone and it happens. >> was it love at first sight for you. >> i think it was for me, to a certain extent. i don't know. there was a courtship and we fell in love. you know, it was kind of -- it's pretty well-documented. >> yeah. that's been how your life's been ever since. >> yeah. >> you entered the goldfish bowl when you get together with a movie star, especially one of the biggest stars in the world, your life is no longer private. >> i have been like that since junior high school. i have been a person people like to tell stories about and talk about. i'm used to it. >> like a magnet for gossip. >> yeah. i'm always the guy that everyone wants to fight. i'm always the person people talk smack about. >> when you started going out together, as i say, you're an unlikely couple. what do you think made it work for so long? what were the things you had in common? >> definitely the kids and our like interests and, you know -- i don't know. i really loved her. i'm trying to look back now at what the one thing was that made it work? i can't name any one thing. >> when you asked her to marry you after six months, that's quick. >> mm-hmm. >> you must have been sure that this was the one for you. >> i was pretty sure. >> did any part of you think you've got a devil on your shoulder, given everything you have been through before? did you worry that although it seemed normal and nice and perfect for you, your personality doesn't allow that kind of thing? >> i don't think i had a devil on my shoulder or something like that. myself, i had no business being in a relationship with anyone. it could have been sandy, janine, carla or anyone. it would have never worked. >> why? >> because the problem was with me. it wasn't with them or the relationship or anything. you know, i never thought highly of myself or never loved myself. i was never comfortable in my own skin. you know? i was still trying to, like, put up this big front of, like, you know, i'm a bad ass bike builder, body guard, football player, any of the stuff i have tried to put out there. to try to maintain a relationship with someone when i don't like myself was doomed from the start. >> we're going to take a break. when we come back, i want to talk to you about the scandal that broke involving you and sandra. >> awesome. in the jeep grand cherokee has a best in class driving range of more than 500 miles per tank. which means you don't have to worry about finding a gas station. which is good... because there just might not be one. 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[ applause ] >> i'm with jesse james. that's painful to watch for me and i hardly know sandra. i met her once in my life. i think everyone feels for her because she clearly doesn't know what's coming. you didn't know what was coming but you knew what you were doing. when you watch that and it was her at the golden golden globes just before i saw you at the oscars, what do you think watching it now? >> it makes me sad. it's sad that not for myself, but for her to put her through what i put her through. >> do you hate yourself for doing that? >> i think i have forgiven myself. >> has she forgiven you? >> i think so. i think she's in a place of forgiveness. you know, i mean, it sucks to have these kind of problems that millions of couples have and everyone has but on such a global level, you know, because, you know, everything played out. you know, it was like wildfire. it played out in the media in such a horrible way, you know, like which -- you know, seemed kind of unfair to me at a point, but, you know, i stood up like a man and took it on the chin. >> are you completely to blame? i mean, is the life of being with a big hard-working movie star all it's cracked up to be? can it be lonely to be that guy? >> i don't know. well, for everything that happened, i'm 100% to blame. you know, i take full accountability for my actions. no one was holding a gun to my head to do what i did. >> i want to read you an extract from the book you wrote about the moment you tell sandra. it was very powerful, this. sandy came in and sat down on the chair. i closed the door and sat down myself. we starr stared at each other ad i admitted the affair. i let her know i had never loved this woman, never cared for her. sandy asked why i had done it but i had no answer for her. what do you think when you hear it back? >> it just takes me back to that day. it was sad. you know, it's tough to tell somebody -- someone that you love it's tough to tell them something when you know when you tell them you were never going to see them again. >> you knew it? >> i think so, yeah. >> did she have any inkling about what was going on? >> i think she had suspicions which were right on her part. you know, i think she was -- you know, it came out of left field. you know, she wasn't ready for it or anything like that. >> you say in if book you heard a voice in your mind, get out of this while you still can. >> yeah. i think, you know, i knew it was an internal struggle. i think turning to, like, infidelity or something to, you know, either stroke my ego or whatever it was. you know, i don't think it was a decision i made, you know, 100% willingly or vindictively or anything like that. it was a struggle. it made me feel worse than before it happened. >> sandra is a pretty private person. >> mm-hmm. >> how has she been about the book? >> i don't know. i don't talk to her. >> you don't talk to her at all? >> nope. >> literally nothing? >> nothing. >> when was the last time you spoke to her? >> several months ago. >> how do you know she's forgiven you? >> well, she told me before that she forgives me. >> do you think she understands you better perhaps than other people do? >> i think so. well, i don't know about other people. there are probably people i'm closer to now than i ever was to her. you know. >> your current partner? >> i think so. >> really, that's interesting. why do you think that is? have you changed? >> i think so. i think i was willing to do the hard work and take a look at the stuff i never wanted to look at or the stuff i wanted to ignore, stuff i talk about in the book. you know, a partner that's like -- you know, we're connected on a higher level. >> on a superficial level i look at kat and i look at you and i see a perfect fit. you're both covered in tattoos. she's a rock chick. you like your bikes. i get that. given your previous partners and then kat now, san tra sedra see a weird time in your life that was never going to work. >> was it just my ego? me trying to be a big shot like, oh, i'm jesse james . i'm a bad mother [ bleep ] and i can have a movie star for a wife? >> was it that?