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Detailed text transcripts for TV channel - KGO - 20110915:09:12:00

[ male announcer ] we did an experiment for febreze fabric refresher. [ experimenter 2 ] what do you smell? light floral, lilac. wispy white curtains. [ experimenter 1 ] okay take your blindfolds off. ♪ ♪ hello? [ male announcer ] febreze fabric refresher. breathe happy, guaranteed. [ laughter ] >> got to love the laugh track. >> cue the laugh track. thank god. we use it on the show all the time. >> are you ready? >> yes. >> knock-knock. >> who"s there? >> our favorite. >> our favorite who? >> our favorite story of the day. >> that wasn't funny at all. not at all. in a moment, we will introduce you to a comedian/street performer who really thinks his jokes are funny. >> his name is jason snyder, andnd he calls himself the dollar joke guy. take a look.

Announcer , Experimenter , Light-floral , Experiment , Curtains , Febreze-fabric-refresher , Febreze , Blindfolds , 1 , 2 , Fabric-refresher , Guaranteed

Detailed text transcripts for TV channel - MSNBC - 20110914:20:42:00

to clear up a little bit of confusion, yesterday a comedian, emphasized a comedian, jeff chrysler, joined us for a segment on his book and a comedy tour about how you get rich cheating. it appears that some of our viewers didn't quite catch on to what i was saying. i'm not endorsing cheating. i am not endorsing corporate greed, i'm not even endorsing psychopathism or socioopathy that might cause harm to human beings. in fact, it's presented by a satire, a running joke. the colbert report or, if you live in the new york area, the mets. we actually continued the comedy act, if you will, last night on his live show here in manhattan. >> the other assumption is we're all alone. born alone, die alone, et cetera. i believe quite the opposite is in fact the case, that there is only one group of us. that we are -- that no one is alone and that the indulgence of

Bit , Comedian , Jeff-chrysler , Confusion , Americans , Cheating , Book , Greed , Viewers , Comedy-tour , Segment , Fact

Detailed text transcripts for TV channel - FOXNEWS - 20110909:10:28:00

letting her kid, can you believe this, she let her kid ride a bike to school and he got cheers from both sides of the aisle for this one. >> i want to see more products sold around the world stamped with the three proud words that made it america. >> but there's one problem -- one of the president's guests last night, a g.e. businessman known for sending jobs not to cincinnati but to china. but first, happy birthday to adam sandler. the actor and comedian turns 45 years old. you know him but tell him we said hi, would you? >> sure. ♪ [ female announcer ] erybody loves that cushiony feeling.

Kid , World , Products , Bike , Sides , Words , Aisle , Cheers , Three , One , President , Jobs

Detailed text transcripts for TV channel - MSNBC - 20110905:01:51:00

damn. i wish you wouldn't have crashed our plane. >> in the year since the plane crash, the fisher brothers have recovered from their injuries. but neither has set foot in ra small plane again. the accident has given them a new lease on life. >> it made us both realize that time is more important than anything, you know, time and your family. time goes fast. and i want to use it the best i can. >> mark and ron spend that time together. since the crash, their's closer than ever. >> it's definitely made us tighter. i mean, i still don't like him a lot, but i like him more than i did. he's a good dude. >> coming up, a comedian gets a whole new definition of the word, punch line. >> i just remember someone coming in out of the light and just a fist. >> when caught on camera, watch at your own risk, continues. whether it can be done safely and responsibly.

Ra-small-plane , Life , Plane-crash , Foot , Injuries , Plane , Accident , Fisher-brothers , Lease , Anything , Crash

Detailed text transcripts for TV channel - MSNBC - 20110905:01:40:00

>> two rodeo employees suffer minor injuries from hardball's wild run. but those who were there know things could have been much worse. >> with all those children attending the jonas brothers concert in that parking lot, there could have been a lot more mayhem, a lot more injury, perhaps even death because a bull loose in a parking lot after being tasered is not something you want to mess with. >> spectator sarah marie is thankful that no one was seriously injured, and gains a valuable lesson for jonas brothers fans. >> my word of advice, when you go to a jonas brothers concert, watch out for screaming fans and bulls. >> coming up, fans watch in horror as a plane comes crashing down near a baseball field. >> at that point, you realize there's no tomorrow. >> and later, a heckler attacks a comedian onstage.

Parking-lot , Cowboys-ropes-hardball , Injuries , Concert , Children , Things , Jonas-brothers , Rodeo-employees , Wild-run , Two , Something , One

Detailed text transcripts for TV channel - MSNBC - 20110905:01:55:00

a comedian faces the ultimate nightmare. not an audience that doesn't laugh but an aud yensz that attacks. >> i just ren someone coming in out of the light and just a fist being thrown. >> now as many of you may have already realized, i'm not a doctor. >> jim jeffrey says australia a bad boy of comedy. >>. [ inaudible ] you go, why don't you drink? and i go, i don't like the taste of it. nobody does. no one likes the taste of it. we drink because we [ bleep ] have to. >> the foul-mouthed funny man books hundreds of dates a year. bringing his act to comedy clubs across the globe. >> no one ever add shot of tequila and goes, oh, that's loverly. next time i'll have that instead of pudding.

Comedian , Audience , Attacks , Nightmare , Aud-yensz , Doesnt-laugh , Someone , Fist , Being , Jim-jeffrey , Many , Comedy

Detailed text transcripts for TV channel - FOXNEWS - 20110901:07:17:00

does j.c. penney make you sick by caving in? you are a comedian and you have to apologize for anything. >> i don't have to apologize. i don't understand. it is not a poisonous mentality to promote. it is not like 7 and 16-year-old girls are the snotiest girls ever. they are not adding fuel to the fire here. i don't see what the big deal is. >> i saw the t-shirt and it is promoting incest. >> that is offensive. >> bill, would you buy this tee for your three i will legitimate daughter. >> i wish they made t-shirts that said "too pretty for school, period." because my three daughters have not been seen at school in over three months.

Anything , Caving , Jc-penney , Comedian , Girls , Mentality , Snotiest , 7 , 16 , Bill , Fuel , T-shirt

CBS Evening News With Scott Pelley-20110826-00:47:00

we asked ben tracy to find out. >> reporter: when employees arrived for work today at apple's california headquarters, it looked as though nothing had changed, but everything has. >> thank you very much. >> reporter: steve jobs was much more than the company's c.e.o. he was its c.p.u., its central processing unit, the brain of the computer. brian cooley is editor at cnet. >> jobs runs that place in a singular fashion with a singular vision that is pretty fearless. he's okay saying no to a lot of things. that's a unique quality. >> iphone is like having your life in your pocket. >> reporter: jobs reportedly rejected the first two versions of the iphone-- until his team got it right. >> it's the ultimate digital device. >> reporter: it's always been about the details. jobs dropped out of college, but not before taking a calligraphy class. it gave him his love of fonts and design-- signature elements of his computers. >> the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers. >> reporter: jobs practiced what

Car , Transport , Vehicle , Newsreader , Speech , Mode-of-transport , Public-speaking , Spokesperson , Motor-vehicle , Newscaster , Structure , Official

Detailed text transcripts for TV channel - MSNBC - 20110819:02:54:00

ponzi scheme. he compared to it a bad disease and said it is, quote, a crumbling monument of failure of the new deal. even better, he suggested that social security violates the constitution. needless to say author rick perry is making it real difficult for candidate rick perry these days on the trail. 98 new hampshire, a lady asked him about his stance on social security. and perry said he couldn't answer it because his mouth was full. see, he started eating when that question came up. joining me now is comedian and co-author of "the daily show." and ring of fire mike papantonio. lizz, let's start with you. so rick perry can't answer questions on social security because he's eating. what's happening here? >> because his mouth is fulfill the republicans could just make a 500% improvement if they would just find a candidate who didn't

Rick-perry , Social-security , Constitution , Deal , Ponzi-scheme , Disease , Failure , Quote , A-crumbling-monument , It , Mouth , Lady

Detailed text transcripts for TV channel - MSNBC - 20110819:05:54:00

crumbling monument of failure of the new deal. even better, he suggested that social security violates the constitution. needless to say author rick perry is making it real difficult for candidate rick perry these days on the trail. 98 new hampshire, a lady asked him about his stance on social security. and perry said he couldn't answer it because his mouth was full. see, he started eating when that question came up. joining me now is comedian and co-author of "the daily show." and ring of fire mike papantonio. lizz, let's start with you. so rick perry can't answer questions on social security because he's eating. what's happening here? >> because his mouth is fulfill the republicans could just make a 500% improvement if they would just find a candidate who didn't have a photo op of something with their mouth.

Rick-perry , Social-security , Constitution , Deal , Failure , A-crumbling-monument , It , Question , Mouth , Lady , New-hampshire , Stance