night live" and an author. he's even got his own ice cream flavor. behind all the laughter is another jimmy fallon. >> piers, i saw what you did to oprah, and you are not going to make me cry, buddy. >> the real jimmy fallon. >> properly in love? properly in love, what are you saying? what are you -- >> jimmy fallon, the prime-time cable exclusive, this is "piers morgan tonight." jimmy fallon, your new book is called "thank you notes." we all know them from your show. brilliant, simple idea. >> very quick. you know, when you start a talk show, a late night talk show, you always hope for like the top ten list or the headlines like leno has or whatever like that. we try different things every week. this guy jeremy bronston came up with the thank you notes. it was with one off. we tried it, wrote sarcastic thank you notes, twitter, facebook blew up. my god, we love thank you notes. do it again. guys, we might have a hit. it's cool. >> is it like all things in comedy, especially with the running things, is it the simpler the idea, often the more effective it is? >> yeah. seriously, ideas you think of off the street, like last week i really went into a store and bought a pack of gum. the receipt for the gum was two feet long. i go, you've got to be kidding. i pay with a credit card, nothing i paid, cash, i go, what is this? coupons. i'm killing the rain forest to get fresh breath. this is insane. >> who are you most likely to write a thank you note to right now as a comedian, anthony weiner or arnold schwarzenegger? tough one. >> oh, gosh, they've both been great for me. great comedy. i would say schwarzenegger because everyone has the schwarzenegger impression. mildred, get over here, get over here now! mildred, you forgot to polish something! get over here! it's me just being friendly with you! oh, hi, maria. just joking with mildred. >> but on "saturday night live," for example, could you ever have imagined a political sex scandal rocking america where the guy's name was weiner and he was sending photos of his wiener over the internet? >> the worst is we haven't heard from his aide gary butole, who is -- he hasn't admitted anything, but look at those pictures, you're, like, oh, gary. >> like christmas comes early when this kind of thing happens. >> they are off for the summer. >> good for you guys, brilliant. >> it is fuel to the fire. it is the best. i had tiger woods on the show and i said, look, i know it's been pain and anguish for your personal life, but as a comedian, i've got to say thank you. because, i mean, the double entendres for golf and sex, holes, strokes, foursomes, i mean you name it, balls. i don't have to write anything. >> the texas scramble. >> something i don't have to say -- they are not even jokes. they are actual things. >> you have this remarkably free life you've had, happy existence. >> yeah. >> nothing bad seems to have ever happened to you. then i thought, that's why he's so happy all the time. that's why you're always smiling. >> yeah, i guess. of course bad stuff has happened to me here and there. but it's, like, i really don't embrace the bad stuff. i honestly purposely have not gone to therapy because i know some crazy stuff is going to be dragged up. i'll be, like, wait, what? >> instinctively your protective shield is comedy. you don't really want to answer that question, do you? >> no. i mean, i guess it is. i mean, probably if anything i'm irish catholic upbringing, i think it's probably that guilt thing floating somewhere. but i can relate with a bunch of people out there. >> even in other interviews i've read that you do, there's nothing really there to go for outside of your comedy. >> i guess not. why not? that's not really my job. i had that attitude since i started. i go, this is my job, it's what i want to do. when the whole conan/leno thing went down, same thing. i go, my job is not to be serious, it's my job to make people laugh and go to bed. my show is on at 12:30 a.m. >> i love that. >> eastern. >> love that. 12:39. >> the weirdest time. tivo if you don't watch the show. dvr it. if you have a vcr, good for you. let me show how it's still going. >> the whole conan/leno thing, the offer is you can go on at 12:01. it's not even tonight. how can -- "the tonight show" starts tomorrow. >> it's tomorrow show, exactly. they said to me, would you mind moving an hour later? i said, yeah, of course. what time am i on now? are you kidding me? i'm basically on at 3:00 in the morning. i'm up against the slap chop commercials. >> i can't imagine anybody disliking you. i asked everybody about jimmy fallon. they were all like, great guy, great guy. even if they don't watch your show, they like you. >> people have disliked me. you know, high school i wasn't the most popular kid. i wasn't the nerdiest kid. i was kind of in the middle. >> why weren't you that popular? >> i don't know. i don't think i had the -- i don't know. i never had the -- i didn't want to go with the crowd. i just wanted to do my own thing. i'd be friends with you and then be friends with some headbanger, burnout kid. sitting next to a truck drinking 151. what's up, buddy? how are you doing, man? what are you up to? i'm 16. he's like, try this, man. i'm friends with him but i'm friends with the nerds who like math. i loved the math team. i was obsessed with that. i think i have a -- >> were you drawn to the absurd and the potential comedian always? >> i think so. i think so. my parents are both from brooklyn, new york. they're both from brooklyn. they're very city people. they don't know how to drive. my dad has a license, but he's awful. and he taught me. so i'm second generation. >> why would anybody drive in new york anyway? >> they don't have to. >> i don't get it. >> makes no sense. but once you move out, you have to be prepared for the rest of the world, so you drive. so my dad taught me. now i'm just second generation. i'm awful. >> did you have a happy childhood? >> it was so happy. it was great. me and my sister, gloria. very happy. my parents, very entertaining irish people. very fun. my sister, very funny, and my grandparents lived right next door to our house, almost in our backyard but they had their own house. so they didn't live in a shack or anything. weird story there. no back woods thing. we fed them through a slot in the door. shut up! but they kind of helped raise me. so i would go hang out with my grandparents. i'd go to church all the time. i wanted to be a priest for a while. >> did you? >> yeah. i thought it was fun. i was thinking about it recently, i never thought about it until recently, but it probably was my first time i was on stage, you know. because i was an altar boy and you go out and come back from the curtain and stand next to the priest and ring the bells and do all of the things and people are watching you and it's like oh. and parents would come and watch me and come see my shows. he's the best bell ringer. you ought to see him ring those bells. my baby is the best. >> interesting talking to you. it sort of confirms my theory that you were surrounded by love and happiness and comedy and all of this kind of thing, a strong religion and so on. most comedians i've interviewed have an element of something in their lives which has made them go into comedy. i mean, i interviewed sarah silverman, for example, who was open about a very difficult upbringing. she was drawn to comedy because she got this sucker from an audience laughing at her and giving her warmth. and so many comedians i've met are quite tormented characters. >> yeah. i mean, there's probably some angle to me somewhere that's tortured or whatever, but i don't dwell on that. i just accept it, it happened or whatever, and i just move forward. >> i want to play you a clip of your first ever stand-up comedic routine. >> hi, i'm jimmy fallon. welcome to the audition for the commercial. we need a star to sponsor a new line of troll dolls. okay? let's start. first, mr. john travolta. thanks a lot. hair is really frizzy. like i don't know how you guys expect to sell these things. >> apart from the hair, which is outrageous, what do you think when you watch that? >> the striped shirt. >> everything, the fashion disaster. >> i took that act, i had that act, that was my only act. i had -- someone bought me a troll doll for my high school graduation. my senior year in high school they bought me a troll doll with the frizzy hair. first of all, i don't know what i'm going to do with the troll doll. thank you for the present but what agoing to do. i remember my mother heard about this impression contest on the radio and said, jimmy, you should enter this contest. it's at bananas comedy club. i know you do all those voices up in your room. >> did you love the buzz of laughter coming from people? >> i think that was the thing. it was that pleasing people type of thing. you told a joke and you got a laugh and it's like, that's cool. i got a good reaction. there's nothing like it. it's an adrenaline rush. you know from doing "america's got talent," in front of a crowd. there's nothing like it. when you finish, if it's a good bit, if you have a good quip and the crowd goes nuts, nothing like it. >> that's absolutely true. there's also nothing like the terrible black hole of when you do a quip and nobody laughs. >> yeah. that's -- the first time it happens, it's shattering. the second time, awful. third time, worst. fourth time, i can't believe this is happening. fifth time, you go, not too bad. sixth time, you go, this is kind of fun. then you kind of look forward to the silences where it's like, i don't mind bombing a joke. i'll do a joke in the monolog that i know won't get a laugh. >> when we come back, we'll talk about "saturday night live" which obviously propelled you into the stratosphere. >> love it. love it. love it. >> and slow jamming. let's not forget that. [ man ] natural gas vehicles are used somewhere... but not in my neighborhood. ♪ [ female announcer ] we're throwing away misperceptions about natural gas vehicles. more of the vehicles that fuel our lives use clean american natural gas today. it costs about 40 percent less than gasoline, so why aren't we using it even more? start a conversation about using more natural gas vehicles in your community. start a conversation about using more natural gas vehicles good night, frank. good night. desperate for nighttime heartburn relief? for many, nexium helps relieve heartburn symptoms caused by acid reflux disease. talk to your doctor about your risk for osteoporosis-related bone fractures if you take multiple daily doses of nexium for a long time. possible side effects include headache, diarrhea, and abdominal pain. other serious stomach conditions may still exist. talk to your doctor about nexium. if you can't afford your medication, astrazeneca may be able to help. agents, these crustaceans are like gold to a restaurant owner. so? water damage can spell disaster for a small business. and restaurants have over 4 million slip and falls every year. that's why we work with our clients and help them find coverage for stuff like this. oh! hey, what are you going to do with these guys? we'll release them into the wild so they can live long, fulfilling lives. aw, really? no. [ male announcer ] we are insurance. ♪ we are farmers ♪ bum, ba-da-bum, bum, bum, bum ♪ the president did assert the need to focus our national energy strategy on renewable resources. >> yeah, baby. let's get together and build some wind turbines. you know all they want to do is get blown or, damn, girl, we could build a dam, girl. >> that is cool, one of your signature slow jams. promise me one thing. >> yeah. >> at some stage in my life i can do that with you. >> please. >> seriously. >> deal. >> deal? i would love to do that. again, so simple, so funny. >> that was -- we did that in our very first show, slow jam the news without brian williams. we started out and did it, these two great writers, they did this bit, slow jam the news. then we did it and we asked brian if he would do it, just brian williams, he's -- >> of course. >> so he said, yeah, i'll come down and do it. and now he's addicted. he's hooked because he's great at it and he just destroys. he plays a straight man so perfectly. >> the big break for you obviously was "saturday night live." when you were growing up, i know you worshipped the show, watched it all the time. >> yeah, that was it. >> when you actually discovered you had the possibility of being on it, what was that moment like for you? >> i think it was like -- you know, i actually auditioned for the show -- i dropped out of school, college, went to l.a. to join the groundlings like the second city of l.a. improv group. i learned how to act with other people because when you do stand-up, you don't know how to act with other people because you're on stage by yourself. and they really taught me a lot. i got to audition for snl and i did the troll bit, i did the celebrities impersonating -- like endorsing the troll dolls. i would do bill cosby, the thing about the troll you take the -- and do whatever, you know. so i'd do the whole bit and i bombed. like you were saying, it was awful. so i was at the comic strip in new york city. bombed. i didn't get it. tracy morgan got the job that year. two years later, they asked me back to audition again. they said, don't do the troll bit. we've seen that. think of something else. i did something else. i did a celebrity walk-a-thon, a bunch of celebrities walking for charity. so i do jerry seinfeld, i say, like, isn't this great? why don't we all take a bus. we're all in the same place. why are we all walking? we're all going to end up in the same place, you know. so i do that. i remember doing the audition for snl -- >> did you do your de niro? one of my favorites. >> i did not do the de niro. >> de niro is fantastic. >> excuse me? nope. okay. okay. yep. nope. okay. he's my first guest on our show. >> you see that as your dark streak because you know he is renowned to be this terrible guest. i would love to have him on because i love de niro. when you watch him, it's torture for everybody when he's doing interviews. >> he doesn't like to talk. >> so you choose the guy when you get your massive gig for your first show and it's robert de niro. why would you do that? >> when you start a show, publicists, they control the actors, what publicity they do. so publicists basically run actors' lives and what they do in a weird way. so when you go out to publicists when you're first starting out, publicists are afraid of you. they're like, this show is going to probably flop. i don't want my client near a flop, i don't want my client to go on a sinking ship. so you have to call in friends and favors, for the first week at least. so i had tina fey, justin timberlake. tina was like, i'll do the first show, second show. whatever show you want me to do. i was like, whatever is hardest to book, i'll do for you, buddy. don't worry about me. don't make me feel good by making me the first guest. so i wanted an a-list actor, someone from new york city. so i called robert de niro. i was, like, look, i've done charity things with him before. he was the coolest guy. nothing to promote, nothing to come out. he was working on movies. really no reason to come on. he goes, okay. yep. i'll do it. yeah, i'll do it. the best guy ever. i'll never forget it as long as i live. robert de niro is the coolest human being on the earth. i'll never forget it. >> it's an amazing favor. i wouldn't care if he sat there and didn't say anything. he's robert de niro. >> he basically did. he sat there and said nothing. that's what i wanted. we recently had him back on and played password with him because it's perfect because you only have one-word hints. i was, like, ha-ya! and he goes, karate? there was the perfect gig. he's the best sport. my first show, i remember we wanted u2 because i'm friendly with bono and edge. i've done bits with those guys. i asked them but they were doing a whole week on letterman. letterman just booked them for the whole week, trying to go ahead against us, like who can get the better guest. what a bummer, man. because they would have totally done me a favor. i'm like, okay. who else can we get? and that's why the world works the way it works. just so happened that van morrison was in town. so it's de niro, justin timberlake, van morrison, first show. >> brilliant. >> just luck would have it, just the way it works. >> what really makes you laugh? >> i like -- of course i love comedians, any comedian. i love any comedian. >> what can make you laugh out loud? what kind of thing? >> british humor. i'm a big fan of chris morris "the day today," mighty busch. you know those guys? >> yeah. >> mighty busch is really funny. we had them on the show and they didn't have their visa so they weren't allowed to perform legally. i don't know what that means. they couldn't perform on stage. they had to sit in their chairs. i did the secret policemen's ball five years ago in england. they did this bit, it was so funny, where they came out and one was a very glam guy, one is very straight. have you seen this new hair dryer? he's, like, no, i haven't seen it. you must know the ads. jean-claude puts his jacket on. he goes, no, i don't know. he's said, come on. ♪ then all of a sudden they both start talking. oh, a stylist. "walking around paris with a tiny rug sack." they do this whole bit and they did it sitting down, which is legal i guess. and, man, it killed, it destroyed. i just loved watching that cross over to america because they're brilliant comedians. i love -- >> when you watch ricky gervais, at the globes, say, you know where he's going to go with this. it's like having a shark for dinner. everyone is complaining. everyone knew what he would do. i found it hilarious. >> i think that's with everyone who hosts. they go, chris rock, he was so irreverent. i can't believe it. i go, that's what chris rock does. what do you want him to do, billy crystal's act? billy crystal, he's the best at billy crystal. steve martin is the best at steve martin. >> i went to the emmys when you were the host, and what they really want is they don't want it to ever feel uncomfortable or nasty. and your genius that day is you were coming out with lots of stuff, just knifing people, but it all felt so warm and celebratory, that everyone felt they could laugh. >> yeah. >> that's your trademark, i think, isn't it? >> i think that's my thing. i don't like to kick people when they're down. i like to kick people when you're up. i'll take care of you until you're up again. then i'll take a shot. if you're in on the joke, i know everybody can take a good joke, if you're in on it, then why not do that. that's the fun of it. i remember we had ted danson, i had to introduce ted danson, great guy, great sense of humor. i was, like -- they played the "cheers" theme. ♪ i go, ladies and gentlemen, wherever this guy goes, everyone knows his name, give it up for mr. tim dinson. he came out. he immediately got the joke. people are, like, what? tim dinson. the fact that you screw up ted danson's name, that makes me laugh. we did a bit when i hosted teh mtv va years ago, i said, this next singer has a number one song, give it up for shakira pinkelstein. she lost the last name? shouldn't use the last name? sorry. give it up for shakira. she's a good sport. those type of things where you're like, i gotcha. when we come back, i want to talk to you about donald trump and also about late night wars. >> beautiful! >> bruising battles. >> 24-carat, beautiful wars. marble, gorgeous. discover customersl are getting five percent cashback bonus at the pump... and at many of the places their summer plans take them. it pays to switch, it pays to discover. [ male announcer ] they'll see you...before y