really want to get rid of me, don't ask me. because i'll say -- no is hard for me to say. i used to be able to say it when i was younger. i said no quite a bit. not often enough. >> and vanessa williams. beautiful, brainy, talented, and a bit of a rebel. tonight she reveals what drives her. from miss america to stage, screen, and music stardom. ♪ and i was standing face to face ♪ ♪ isn't this world a crazy place ♪ ♪ just when i thought a chance had passed ♪ ♪ you go and save the best for last ♪ ♪ >> the signature song from a multitalented superstar, vanessa williams. actress, singer, and of course a former beauty queen. she's now written a candid, moving, and revealing memoir titled "you have no idea." and vanessa williams joins me now to tell me what i have no idea about. >> that's right. >> what do i have no idea about? >> the title of the book originally came to me because i had gotten some interested about doing a memoir for years and i kept putting it off and asking, you know -- i would recollect things. i'd ask my mom what happened here and there. and i was on the road. what was going on. it was such a more compelling piece involving my mother's recollection, what she was doing at home and what i was doing on the road -- >> i love this twist. because this is you and your mum on the -- she looks like your younger sister. >> well, she's -- >> mum, you are looking fabulous. so great cover. but i love the introduction because talking of sales pitches for a book, "throughout my life mum's lessons have helped me survive it all. scandal, love, marriages, divorces, disappointments, children, death, failure, success." >> mm-hmm. >> wow. >> yeah. >> we've got aw lot to talk about. >> we have a lot to talk about. but you have no idea, it came from when i had won miss greater syracuse as a sophomore, my sophomore year at syracuse, and when they crowned me all my friends who were watching and in the audience cheering me on, i said they have no idea who they just chose. because i was a normal kid. i was not this archetypal beauty queen who had been groomed her whole life. i was a new york chick who was in my sophomore year studying musical theater, and i had lived my life. and it's in the book. >> you certainly had lived your life. and we'll come to some of that. let's get back to september 1983, when you're crowned the first ever black miss america. >> mm-hmm. >> did you have any concept in that moment of just what was going to happen with your life, your career? because it went crazy after that. >> no idea. i was 20 years old, about to start my junior year abroad, actually, in london. syracuse, their musical theater department has a junior year abroad option. and i was really excited about starting my year. and i thought i would, you know, get some scholarship money and be able to go back. and i had no idea what would happen. >> there you are. you're the winner. and you immediately start getting attacked by almost everybody. you get racist whites who threaten to throw acid on you. you get messages from -- >> kill me. >> yeah. unbelievable. you also get the black community saying you're too white, they used lighting to make you look whiter, that's why you won. you're getting it from everybody. there you are, fresh-faced, beautiful young woman. you should be having the great moment of your life, and it's like hell. what are you thinking when it all starts erupting like this? >> well, there was a large part that was fantastic and positive and overwhelming. and you know, at 20 years old, i mean, again, this wasn't my dream, to be a beauty queen. my dream was to finish school, go to yale for graduate work, and be on broadway. so the fact that i was sidetracked and became this symbol overnight, every comment that i made was going to be scrutinized and every comment that i made was going to be the symbol of an entire race. it was a lot of pressure. >> huge pressure. >> yeah. so that's when i started getting my battle wounds. you know, when i wasn't black enough. people didn't think i had the black experience. and it doesn't mean we're any less or more black than anybody else. >> nine months after you win you're engulfed in scandal. >> engulfed. >> i love that phrase. nude pictures published in "penthouse" magazine. let's look at you resigning here. >> i must relinquish my title at miss america. it has never been and it is not my desire to injury in any way the miss america title or pageant. i feel at this time i should expend my energies in launching what i hope will be a successful career in the entertainment business. i feel my new career will be the greatest challenge in my life. >> a dramatic moment for you. probably a pretty sad and awful moment in many ways. you write, "you have no idea who i am and what i can do." this is what you're thinking at the time. "one day the dust will settle. you'll see what i'm made of. you'll accept me for who i really am." do you feel that's happened? do you feel you achieved that goal? >> yeah. partly. i think it's always a constant challenge to prove who you are. my whole career, you know, when i first got acclaim on broadway, oh, i didn't know she could sing and dance and act. when i first had a recording hit, oh, i didn't know she could sing. so i've always had to kind of prove myself. and right now i'm in my six years i've been on television, it's been fantastic, and i've gotten three emmy nominations. oh, i didn't know she could act. i didn't know she was funny. so i'm used to it. >> do you feel like a little part of you has constantly been having to prove people wrong? >> but there's no pressure. you know, when you're always underestimated -- >> satisfying, too, isn't it? >> exactly. i love it. >> your mother always said to you, whatever you do, darling -- i don't know if she called you darling. my mother calls me darling. don't pose for nude pictures. >> that's starts the chapter. >> what happened? why didn't you listen to your mum? >> because i'm a rebel. you know, we start the book off, and it's called "thrill rides." and we start off the book talking about me as a 9-year-old getting on a bike and going as fast as i can with my cousin on the back. and my mom said don't put your cousin on the back, hold on to the handlebars and be safe. and of course i put her on the back as soon as i rounded the corner where she couldn't see me, and we raced down the hill as fast as we could. and that's who i am. and i drive a maserati. i know you prefer fine cars as well. i love to ride fast horses. there's part of me that loves -- i mean, as a kid i would go on a roller coaster 13 times in a row just to see how many times we could do it. >> what i loved about it is your schoolteachers clearly had no idea who they were teaching because they described you as a kid who obeyed rules and followed directions. in fact, you smoked pot and inhaled, drank beer, had premarital sex, and posed for nude pictures. you weren't quite what your teachers thought, were you? >> you have no idea. >> let's take a little break. let's come back with more shocking revelations. there's so much in here. >> there's a lot. 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this is big news. what are you waiting for? ♪ [ acou[ sighs ]ar: slow ] [ announcer ] all work and no play... will make brady miss his favorite part of the day. ♪ [ upbeat ] [ barking ] [ whines ] that's why there's beneful playful life, made with energy-packed wholesome grains... and real beef and egg. to help you put more play in your day. beneful. play. it's good for you. will you be wrestling a lion? take those off. burn these. you are fired. >> vanessa williams in "ugly betty." she was nominated for three emmys for her part as wilhelmina. that was a great part. >> i loved wilhelmina. >> the stuff you dream of. >> wearing fabulous clothing and bossing people around. it doesn't get better than that. >> it's a very rich book in terms of the content, the detail. it's very inspiring in many ways. and actually sad in many ways as well. it's very moving to read it. you had this awful experience when you were molested. you were 10 years old. it was another woman. she was 18. a young woman. tell me about that and the effect it had on your life as you got older. >> well, it was one of those things where as a mother of four kids, you know, and also as my mother read it, she didn't know about it before i wrote the book -- >> is that right? >> no. she had no idea. >> when did you have that conversation? >> actually, we never had it. we did our pages separately and then read each other's pages, so -- >> so your mother read it? >> read it, yeah. >> wow. well, tell me what happened. >> and knowing that we're both lionesses, that's probably one of the reasons why i never told her, because i knew that she'd go and kick some ass. but also, you know, you don't want to divulge those kind of things because they're -- you know, they're shameful. >> tell me what happened. >> well, you know, i was on a summer vacation with a family friend, and the people that were visiting were our family friends' friends. so we really didn't know them, but we knew our family friends. and this particular -- there was a sister and brother that we were visiting. and the girl, who was 18, was kind of our tour guide and took us to disneyland and, you know, all the sights out here in california. and we were in new york. and one particular night she snuck into where myself and my friend were sleeping and she told me to get down on the floor, and she went down on me. and i was 10 years old. and i knew i shouldn't be doing -- or she shouldn't be doing it, and i didn't say anything. and i knew that it was wrong. and i might have said something once i finished our vacation, but i remember coming down the jetway, coming back to new york, and my uncle, my dad's younger brother, had just died. and i saw his face, and i knew that it was a major catastrophe in our family. and i said, you know what, i'm not even going to bring any of this up because i don't even know how to deal with it myself. and i was 10. and i really didn't reflect on it until i was in college, you know, with my boyfriend and i don't know how it came up. i said, you know what? i think i was molested. i mean, i shouldn't have had that happen to me at such a young age by somebody who was 18. i was taken advantage of. so you know, i didn't really think about how wrong it was until i was an adult. >> when your mother read it, what did she say to you? >> she didn't say anything. i think she was saddened and shocked. and i'm glad that i told her now once my dad had passed because you know, my dad was very sensitive. and again, as a parent all you want to do is protect your child. and it's a lot to handle because you feel like you're out of control. >> what happened to that woman? because you -- >> i have no idea. >> you do name her in the book. >> well, no, that's not her real name. no, legal wouldn't let me use the real name. >> you haven't had any contact again? >> no. no, no, no. no. >> you mentioned your father. he clearly was a hugely influential figure in your life. i mean, so much so that your mother believes that this pedestal that you put him on made it very difficult, i think, for other men because no one ever lived up to your dad, who was clearly this strong, independent-minded, proud, you know -- >> talented, smart, could do anything. yeah. >> a hard act to follow. >> it's a hard act to follow. and -- but i did marry lovely men. so i don't want to say that everyone paled in comparison. but my dad could do practically everything. i mean, he was a musician. he could take an engine apart and put it back together again. he could build a deck, put on a roof. he could garden and grow anything. he knew current events. he could play trivial pursuit with you and sing a song. i mean, he was so skilled that -- and it was always there. >> of all the things that you did, what made him the proudest, do you think? >> oh, i would say broadway. because he knew that that was my dream. and i had always sang and danced and act and put on shows whenever we could, after any dinner me and my cousins or me and my brother would sing songs and perform. so i think opening night on broadway was his -- was the best for us. >> what did he say to you afterwards? >> we had a reception at my parents' house, and he just said that he was very proud and he knew that i accomplished a dream and he was very proud of me and i worked really hard and he was just proud that night. >> amazing moment, to watch your daughter play on broadway-i think. >> yeah. live a dream. >> i always think broadway, if you're an actress and you do television, movies, whatever, when you go on broadway it's the ultimate test, isn't it? there's no escaping. >> no escaping. you have a star quality or not. you can captivate the stage or not. and the role that i was in as aurora in "kiss of the spiderwoman," the spiderwoman, you can't fake your dancing, you can't fake the singing. you can't fake the appeal. and i got laughs where there hadn't gotten laughs before, and i wore these fantastic outfits. and also, besides having my family there, i had all my musical theater majors who'd gone to syracuse with me who had shared the stage with me, you know, when we were in college. and i got a chance to live the dream for all of us. >> do you think you would have achieved all this if it hadn't been for the notoriety and fame of the scandal, of the miss america scandal? do you think you would have had the platform to realize your dreams? >> absolutely. i don't think i would have had the initial platform at age 21. or, you know, at 20. but i -- it didn't take away my talent. it was actually -- it kind of negated a lot of talent or any kind of hope that i had to be taken seriously for a long time. people who had performed with me knew what i could do, but people that did not just thought i was a pageant girl and one-dimensional and i was lucky and one-hit wonder. it took a long time to have longevity. >> did you lose a lot of parts because of that? were you slightly stigmatized by what happened? >> oh, very stigmatized. >> really? >> yeah. i don't think slightly. because not only was i coming in the door az a former beauty queen but a scandalized beauty queen. so i was taking a lot of meetings with people just to check it out and say they brought me in the room. >> if you've had a good relationship with your father as a daughter, i just had a baby daughter, it must be pretty hard to be caught up in a nude photo scandal. what did your dad say to you? >> my dad -- i was in hiding. the press was -- this is before i made my announcement. and i had come off the road straight from little rock, arkansas was my last miss america appearance. and they whisked me into my lawyer's house at the time, which was right down the street from my parents' house. so the press was camped out on my parents' lawn, trying to get pictures of anything, any kind of movement in and out. and i was staying down the street at my lawyer's house, and my dad came to pick me up and go for a little talk. and we sat in the car and he said, well, ness, you really blew it. i said yeah, dad, you're right, i did. and that's all i needed. >> great way to handle it. >> exactly. >> why try and hide what's happened? >> i knew my parents were there. they love me. everyone makes mistakes. mine was on a grand scale. and they never said i told you not to do that and you're an idiot and look what you're doing to your life. he they said wow, you're the one who's going to have to handle this, we can't protect from you this. >> was it any comfort to you that it was a massively successful publication, the vanessa williams nude pictures? >> no. >> did any part of you go, at least i didn't bomb? >> no, no, no. i didn't clock that at all. >> let's take a break. i want to come back and talk "desperate housewives." i want to know how you all really got on. you can tell me. >> i will. >> you can take me into your confidence. 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