watch it. wan't hurt yourselves with all clapping. happy wednesday, everyone. so, hunter biden, noww a convicted felon. >> oa convh, well, family membey he's upbeat and is already looking forward to the cavity search. >> democray lookt will be holdir events in swing states to court. young votersat where they'll offer free beer and emergency birth contro donorl. and em >> guests are hoping to increase joe's already substantial lead amonger drunken . >> the governing body world governing body world aquaticsrning bo upheld in on transgender women who've been through male puberty from competing in women's races, whic bh means leah thomas willgr not be competing in the olympics. leah responded by saying, fine, i'll just take my and go home o . >> glad i got through that. say whoopi goldberg suggesteinl tak >> that congress make a law to stop men from, promptingshoud men who've seen the view to say, you've already done enough. a do a new study says vegan meat is linked to heart disease and early death, which proveh s what i've been saying all along. >> stop eating vegans. >> a new paper from harvard researchers theorizes that extraterrestrials could be disguised ized and living among us. >> well, i hate to burst your bubble. harvard researchers s, s th but they're not in disguise due to budget restraints. >> night with seth meyers won't have a live band next season,hae but keeping with the show's theme, the band will be replaced. a >> a bucket of diarrhea. that made no sense. >> the honolulu policeulu departmentpoli is advising tours to bring their valuables into the ocean with them rather thant leave them on the beach to be stolen. >>able for larry kudlow, his belongings can float by. >> why? i don't know. competitive eatesr chestnut says he's gutted after being banned from the nathan's hot dogbanned eating contest. >> however, he will begin mentoring a local hero f to take his place. okay. and finally, a new york woman says she quit her 9 to 5 job to become a professional toy tester. she says the only downside is that her bosses are always up her .es a >> all right.re upper end on a low note. so if trump wins in november, your tips will no longerur be taxed. e se >> you work in the service industry. donald, if want me to start stripping again, all you got to do is askl yo. >> but this might seem like th. all thing to you but for millions of people it's not. and it says something larger about and his campaign. trump talks about stuff realce h americans experience in the real world, not the world of hypothetical fantasy, where democracy is always under attack by trump in races. hideby trump every rock the plat will implode in ten years. >> and this is considere yearsd female. that's what separates dems and republicans these days. >> they live in the fantasy of luxury beliefve is, which tat priority over real world concerns. whil e trump ways to grow gro your paycheck, the dems push fancifulycheck, rooted in a oned utopia where we bugs and drive cars powered by happy thoughts and placate terrorists with scholarship apps and free falafel. and if you can't afford to put food in tht e they have a solution, take away your oven. weanwhile, trump says terrorists will come here through our open border. itrrorists comes true in mere me because his predictions traffic in reality which makes trump the big paradox. he's a billionaire who talks about costs that americans understand, like food, fuel, baby formula, and diapers. >> do you seriously thinku thin joe biden is worried about the cost of diapern s? with joe, it's more of a comfort issue, but trump's made the republican party intofor th the party for the worker. the democrat party. o it for the woke. a sanctuary for protected elitesr woke whose closest experiencee clos to crime is when someone writes washes on their helicopter. >> look at how the twow th candidates talk on the campaign trail. biden claims that electing taltn trump will mean the end of democracy. apparently, biden has a noticecy that trump won in 2016, democ but democracy is still with us . >> barely. now, biden's never really explained what the end of democracyen look like because he can't. and not just because his train thought derails like a freighter in east palestine, ohio. it's because everythingts i joe predicts predicts are like his sentences. they never end well. and like his pants, his predictionkes are backwards until someone has to fix them. >>ed meanwhile, trump talks about real things crime, inflation, immigrations. g as in deporting the millions of illegals, taking advantage adva governmenlst to stupid and incompetent to secure its own border. mento stupidand if you're a term tajikistan, then yes, trump will endo g ka your democa quicker than you can say. you does.has a nice >> the biden campaign is also committed to spending battling so-called climate change. they're concernesd, sir, basedw on predictions that have a zero batting average in coming truehn . and yet they want to take away want modern conveniences whilede keep theirs. meanwhile, trump's talks about lowering gas prices by drilling, how trump wouldl in drill in mar a lago if he thought there was oil downwn there. and that's the point, because common there people actually benefit and from it. see the difference? and trump wants to remove the tax on tips while biden wants to college debt.debt one rewards hard workers and their families. the other steals from them to pay off. left-wing freeloaders.s so and so the electorate seestorats trump taking their side as they see biden taking the side exact of who? exactly. that's the mystery. th mystery is why trump is why winning, which is why so many never traffic in the imaginary. what have trump selected? the it's world war three. the end of democracy. see biden'racys, campaign is bad on what ifs. but trump is based on what is. but not everyone can see it. or they refuse to see it.st the opportunity cost of their anti-trump is too much for themh to abandon. take former speaker of then theh house paul ryan. here he is commenting but on the what ifs but not the what is. i do think character is an impo really important issue. >> if you put yourself above the constitution as he has done . >> but what happened? what i want to do on office. but i think it is his character at the end of the day and the fact that if you're willing to put yourself about the if y, an oath,wearth you swear when you take office in federal office, whether it's presidentwhen ye fede, memr of congress, you swear an oath to the constitution. and if you're willing to suborn it to yourself, i think that makes you unfit for office. >> does it? he's talking about theabou constitution being undermined, which it wasn'tht. he's talking about character. fine prattle on character. some waitress at the golden corral in sparks, nevada mayt nt go home with more money, but no thanks to your principal take on charactertoperson. sorry, that's a luxury belief. so it's no wonder is up in every battleground state and that we could be lookingnd e at a landslide because the only place the dem agenda actually works is in joe biden's mind where there's plenty of room ple. e tonigh >> let's welcome tonight's guest. they say good looking can't be funny and he's here to prove them right. h herjeff dye, she can spin thh like a centrifuge. republican strategist aaron burr perine that grim graffiti says for a good time, don't call kat timpf. "new york times" best selling authort call and fox news contrr candace. and you can see his callingscopy us copy on imacs. "new york times" best selling author imaauthor, , comedian anc jack. >> did you notice the difference betweenfs the parties? that one is always about the what ifs. while trump just talks about the word is. >> yeah, i like the trump thing . people keep talking about his character. why don't we criticize? we likr we le people with bad character, right? we look, we love nicki minaj. terrible character. we lov we love we love a lot of peoplel math bad care. trump cares about things that matter. i like that is is showing people the tipy showing peoplesb yes. right. is is is is doesn't think they should be taxed on theixe tips. me and trump have that in common. we botin cmon h love big old ti. >> waitresses with big tip get the love tips. show us your tips whichsometh is something we both have in common. you knowinn., way to take this show into the gutter. >> what do you mean? that'sow my job about tips. that's what we're talking about. big old is. >> and it seems like i think that the dems are paying the price fohe arer of luxurye beliefs. fi, ces when times are fine you can you can chase these stupid ideas and policief thess but not when you got 19% of inflation. well, that's the thing, though, for joe biden. >> he knows he can't actually pass the policy. soknow pass t he's just unilaterally dg it and he's doing it for the that he needs the voterss and right the voting bloc. so he needs young voters. student loans are going to takte care of that. he needs the donors that exist within the greendonors energy community. so he's taking care of that. whatehat do you know his lik one of his advisors now is george clooney. he's just not attachedg with george clooney is calling the white house and yelling about the fact that amal thy was slighted about the icc. like, this is just not what the american people are facing, because if democrats actually have to stand there and acknowledg e ar e the failures of their policies, they're going to lose catastrophic. so instead, they justep keep trying to like find little pockets to drop things in and tr tryinpockety win votes that i >> mm. won do inder what i would do if clooney called me and put it>> t on speaker phone. >> yeah, i wouldn't pu speakert. all right. i think we're avoiding the bigots. what if what if joe biden dies before the electiodiesn. >> that's like the what if that could happen? oh, no. >> what's your problem? him living in realits your py. >> have you seen him lately? hop i really hope noe not. >> yeah. yeah, i really hope not. i mean, i think. right. >> kamala harris of all areas, people i thought he died already. >> yea h. >> do you not see him lately? it's like weekend at bernie's part seven. no, it's like. it's sad to watch. yeah. yeah. to what? what do you make about their policy or their lack of policies in the campaign? welles in , i suppose i, i, i de whenever someone says they're going to stopdoin something, which is not very often. so we're going like we're going to lets you keep your tips. >> where you going to get to keep your money? your moneyr mo. right. which it's also i was a waitress just, a regularo it waitress.er >> i didn't have the tips to do it another way, as you could say. >> tip me out on here. you and. yee.s. h but it's so dehumanizing to, like, wait a tablewait a and hau to smile at people who are, like, maybe really mean to you. although i did get the most mos tips the day that i was crying like the wasn' t who mymy boyfriend broke up with me right before my shift that i went home with like so cash jus twentsot to pay for it that way. but i. i can't. i can't emotion. >> but i do.ut it ei but i also can't control it either. so, you knowth. >> great tip, though, for the waitresses. you think that smiling will getu you tips waiting until you cry. >> yea wait h, i'm serious. i but i was, like, sobbing. yfrn >> snorting. i mean, this was my boyfriend of, like, four years. to be fair s to. he actually broke up with me via text messages, like hours before the shift. and thenmessage shif, i mean, we all friends. we all just share this. and then, um, and then i wentero to go to meet up with him in person. he just sat in the car and broke up with mee ca more.ift and then i drove to the that i was shopping the whole time. and so people are like, what's wron g? on and boy, was i happy to talk to someone. i didn't really have any friends out there at that timeye in my life. >> so yeah, that's how that, that's how you mak e more. you have to get someone to break up. you got to figure out a way to maks makee yourself, cry on demand. >> i would i would love to. to make her stop talking. yeah. yeah. i'm saying, like, she's not bubble crying over money. i was onion soupcrying. i'm going to make sure it's like here you know what? you fill out the checkt yo, sign it. what do you think about trump understanding the prior more than the democrats do? >> i think he was forced to. i think at one time he wass th one of the elites, the elites. he was the guy who was firingug you and he could make you. and then he went through the last eight years of them just going at him and humbling him and trying to break him. and during that time, who was he talking to? he was talking the regular guysk like us. he was doing rallies and going around the countryus and meetinr people and hearing their problems and seeing stuff. probs and seeing stunning and unfortunately for them, they're still running against the guy who went down escaescalatot r in 16. they're not running against this guy who is literally had the entire one half of the country going out of their way to find something wrong with him to get him ou wayt of,h which then leads to him going down to the ground with us. nt yeah. and now he's saying, like, you want to keep your chips, let' s dos do that.u want you want this, you want that, you want to make sure that we're self-reliant. so you hav e are job. let's open that pipeline because he's in touch with americain. e in >> the other guys live in fantasyland. and the funny thing is, like biden'in thes team needs to redt everything. they need to go after old stops people because when he stops and does the squat. yeahes, and grabs his pants, ans old person will understand that a young person will laugh like there's nothing you telle a 22 year old to vote for you when they're like, bro, diwd he just drop a deuce? oh my god, jean. and you will love this. here's a little fun fact. you know what the most looked up thing is right noat the mp w on pornhub and all this other kind of stuff, people taking on other people. craig and who do we have to thank for that? out of mhoe toy i learned so muh here. all right. >> we're going to move on up next hour. silly new game that puts biden to shame this bathroom so musty. >> everybody dance with everybody. yo drop in tab attracts and traps excessurosion an moisture, elimg musty odors, body tapping your best defense against erosion and cavities is strong erosion and cavities is strong enamel nothing beats it. i recommend pro enamel active shield because it actively shields the enamel to defend against erosion and cavities. i think that thi s product is a game changer for my patients. >> it really works. >> you know what's crazy? this is better than cooking at home. i mean, more affordable than groceries, of course. okay. groceries expensive. >> but i was in trouble there for a sec. oh, you are a heart attack. >> do they have life insurance? no, but we have life insurance, john. i'm trying to find we can afford. >> fortunately, in only a few minutes, selectquote found john a $500,000 policy for only $29 a month. and his wife and a $500,000 policy for only $21 a month. go to select qualcomm now and get the insurance family needs at a price you can afford. >> select we shop you save guys feeling tired, getting soft, growing old wake up and grab ageless mail max with a non-prescription ingredient to help boost your total testosterone. be the man you want to be. >> hello, i'm former arkansas governor mike huckabee. a lot of times you can't control the amount of sleep that you're getting. i know it's scary unless you use relaxium sleep relaxium. sleep is a product that's made from natural ingredients and it usually works from the very first night. you try it. relaxium sleep is studied, tested and designed by a neurologist to help you fall asleep faster, stay asleep longer and wake up refreshed. >> relaxium work from the very first night i took, i had more focus and mental clarity than i've had in years. i wake up feeling alert and like i've had the best night's sleep. >> stop being and start sleeping your fears away with relaxium your body and your mind will thank you. take relaxium sleep. it'll work. i promise you it'll work. >> mike huckabee is so confident that relaxium will work for you. he's asked us to give away 1000 bottles. visit, try relaxium dot com. call 808 011737 tomorrow. >> trump's been gagged in a cage all spring but now he i craig here pays too much for verizon wireless. so he sublet half his real estate office... [ bird squawks loudly ] to a pet shop. meg's moving company uses t-mobile. so she scaled down her fleet to save money. and don's paying so much for at&t, he's been waiting to update his equipment! there's a smarter way to save. comcast business mobile. you could save up to 70% on your wireless bill. so you don't have to compromise. powering smarter savings. powering possibilities. increase your mobility, flexibility and balance. plus healthy circulation so you don't rush. so i try to pressure and don't engage. okay. it's time to play what he's saying. welcome to what he's saying.ne we's a fun new game where we try make sense of biden's inane gibberish. >> all right, i'll play a shortf clip from a juneteenth event and each guest will have to guessnt what the he just said. >> roll ite. they're all ghost. new guards trying to take back.e well, they're taking your freedoms. make it harder for black people to vote orvote have your vote. count it. closing doors of opportunity, attacking the valuesconclu of diversity, equity and inclusion. if you can it banning books about black experience in america, trying to racete and rewrite history. >>histor all right. >> here you go. yeah. i'm going to go to you first, aaron. i kind of get the gist.ed t but what just happened there?he rei definitely heard somethingai regarding ghosts. yes. and garments and possiblng ghostsy taking us back. so i think he's hallucinating in publi sc. kno >> i don't know what else would be happening involving ghosts and garments. ppening lvingall right, jeff, dg something like his mouth decided to leave his body? >> yeah. this guy has with words. sure. yes, i believe he was saying. >> that goats are somehowomehow black people and they're taking it back for equity and diversity he did i win?d i don't know. i don't know. i had no idea. let' ides play it one more times kate and tyrus. >> then we'll go to discussionsn . they're all ghost and new guards trying to takare ale us . well, they're taking away. peo your freedoms make it harder for black people to vote or have vote counted. closing doors of opportunity, closg the valuesf di of diversity, equity and inclusion. ify you can believe it, banningexpn books about black experience in america. >> drive your race and rewrite history to cars. >> he's talking about a group of very he's talking about me. >> yeah. okay. that was the most racist partlla in my life. he called us ghosts. he said we're kicking in doors and taking away everyone's opportunities. ghe said we need to go back onuu the bull. >> did you go here to say i'm hereys[ blee stealing books? we sell? yeah, we steal books. we don't kno>> ww what computer are. >> this is ridiculous. it horrible. but i try to bring out who he>>a was. >> i mean, i'm assuming he's talking about republicans. n: i'm ass republicthe one time he was in e right place. he came of thing is june 5th. the juneteenth. e audi good chance. 97% of the audience is black. this was a goos d time for him to tell how it is. and apparently stealingand we everyone's opportunities. and we need to go back on the boat. i understand that speech right there. he just said he just h told america. he just told america to ghost the blackst of ghosts. i don't know. all right, cat you've heard it twice now. i just thought he said, like republicanguessis, a