police have spoken of multiple injuries. it follows the killing of nineteen children and two teachers at a school in texas. now on bbc news: jeremy cooke takes an in—depth look at mental health and drug addiction and is given exclusive access to a new approach. this programme contains graphic scenes of drug use. hello. hi. tony. jeremy. it is aril hello. hi. tony. jeremy. it is april 2021 — hello. hi. tony. jeremy. it is april 2021 and _ hello. hi. tony. jeremy. it is april 2021 and | _ hello. hi. tony. jeremy. it is april 2021 and i am - hello. hi. tony. jeremy. it is april 2021 and i am in - april 2021 and i am in north—west england meeting tony. north-west england meeting ton . ., , ., ,, , north-west england meeting tony-— we i tony. covid rules apply. we still have — tony. covid rules apply. we still have our _ tony. covid rules apply. we still have our masks - tony. covid rules apply. we still have our masks on. - tony. covid rules apply. we. still have our masks on. with tony. covid rules apply. we i still have our masks on. with a bit of luck we're getting the end of it. bit of luck we're getting the end of it— bit of luck we're getting the end of it. . ~ , ., end of it. thankfully we headed off and that _ end of it. thankfully we headed off and that is _ end of it. thankfully we headed off and that is good _ end of it. thankfully we headed off and that is good news - off and that is good news because for the next year or so i will see a lot of him. when we finish with this what would you like people to understand about you and people like you that we do not understand at the moment. we like everybody else, we are peoplejust like everybody else. we are human beings. most drug addicts have a reason they are addicted. for ton , a reason they are addicted. for tony, birkenhead is home. just across the riverfrom across the river from liverpool. there were drug problems here but also an understanding of this inextricable link between addiction and mental health problems. this is a community with its own challenges but also its own answers. as i'll be finding out. there is nothing wrong with this except for the c# key. tony has invited me around to his flat. he is busy and i have been roped in to help. just lengthways- _ been roped in to help. just lengthways. his _ been roped in to help. just lengthways. his music- been roped in to help. just - lengthways. his music keyboard needs fixing- — lengthways. his music keyboard needs fixing. i _ lengthways. his music keyboard needs fixing. i want _ lengthways. his music keyboard needs fixing. i want to - lengthways. his music keyboard needs fixing. i want to find - needs fixing. i want to find out what is that the root of tony's problems. he is 58 now. but it all started when he was a teenager and his mum and dad both died. , ., , , ~ both died. things happen like bereavement _ both died. things happen like bereavement of _ both died. things happen like bereavement of your - both died. things happen like bereavement of your parents | both died. things happen like - bereavement of your parents and your mates when you are a teenager. that turned you into schizophrenia and that is what happened to me. did this help you? happened to me. did this help ou? , , ., j , you? definitely! if tony's problems— you? definitely! if tony's problems start _ you? definitely! if tony's problems start with - problems start with schizophrenia they are linked to one complicated by heroin. and he has been on it for more than three decades. help? and he has been on it for more than three decades.— than three decades. how have ou than three decades. how have you been? _ than three decades. how have you been? up _ than three decades. how have you been? up and _ than three decades. how have you been? up and down. - than three decades. how have you been? up and down. i- than three decades. how have l you been? up and down. i have been too much at home. i left the house a couple of weeks before i saw you and i can do that again but i have let myself down. i look at it like i am self—medicating rather than getting high. you i am self-medicating rather than getting high.— than getting high. you say self-medication _ than getting high. you say self-medication do - than getting high. you say self-medication do you . than getting high. you say . self-medication do you think, self—medication do you think, possibly, from your point of view your mental health is better with the drugs and it would have been without? definitely, yes. what might have happened if you hadn't? i would have killed myself. i would have killed myself. i felt pretty low. how much time do you spend in this flat alone? , , alone? every day. i live here. i sleep on _ alone? every day. i live here. i sleep on my _ alone? every day. i live here. i sleep on my own _ alone? every day. i live here. i sleep on my own and - alone? every day. i live here. i sleep on my own and i - alone? every day. i live here. i sleep on my own and i wake alone? every day. i live here. i i sleep on my own and i wake up alone. i am i sleep on my own and i wake up alone. iam not i sleep on my own and i wake up alone. i am not good with women. i have no self—confidence so i am just single. it's the best policy for me. ., ., ., ., for me. you are tough on yourself. _ for me. you are tough on yourself, made. - for me. you are tough on yourself, made. do- for me. you are tough on yourself, made. do you | for me. you are tough on - yourself, made. do you consider yourself, made. do you consider yourself a failure?— yourself a failure? yeah. yeah, definitely- _ yourself a failure? yeah. yeah, definitely. you _ yourself a failure? yeah. yeah, definitely. you don't _ yourself a failure? yeah. yeah, definitely. you don't have - yourself a failure? yeah. yeah, definitely. you don't have to i definitely. you don't have to send definitely. you don't have to spend much _ definitely. you don't have to spend much time _ definitely. you don't have to spend much time with - definitely. you don't have to spend much time with tony| definitely. you don't have to i spend much time with tony to understand that his key worker, john, is a vitally important figure in his life.— john, is a vitally important figure in his life. when he was usin: it figure in his life. when he was using it the — figure in his life. when he was using it the impact _ figure in his life. when he was using it the impact it - figure in his life. when he was using it the impact it had - figure in his life. when he was using it the impact it had and l using it the impact it had and how— using it the impact it had and how manic he went, everything used _ how manic he went, everything used to— how manic he went, everything used to get to your lot more. it's used to get to your lot more. it's less— used to get to your lot more. it's less frequent than it was. john knows that getting tony stable — john knows that getting tony stable and settled is a long—term commitment. now are you happy? i long-term commitment. now are you happy?— you happy? i have had to be. youjust— you happy? i have had to be. you just wonder _ you happy? i have had to be. you just wonder where - you happy? i have had to be. you just wonder where he . you happy? i have had to be. you just wonder where he is | you just wonder where he is going — you just wonder where he is going with it all. it depends on how— going with it all. it depends on how he wakes up on which day and he _ on how he wakes up on which day and he has — on how he wakes up on which day and he has adhd and paranoid schizophrenia and i think he is autislic— schizophrenia and i think he is autistic as— schizophrenia and i think he is autistic as well but he has never_ autistic as well but he has never had that looked into. john— never had that looked into. john keeps across tony's medication that tony gets. he alsojust gets him. john is just one small part of the drug support network here that includes nhs services and specialist recovery programmes and voluntary organisations. and then there is the mental health side. it is crucial. in the wirral, 72% of the opiate users and 84% of the alcoholics are in treatment here are also living with serious mental health conditions. that is why i have come to seejoe. you i have come to see joe. you cannot see _ i have come to see joe. you cannot see it _ i have come to see joe. you cannot see it in _ i have come to see joe. you cannot see it in yourself- cannot see it in yourself sometimes when you look at me. he is the manager at this cafe. it might look like a coffee bar and it is coffee bar. but look again. this places also, an nhs funded a&e for those in mental health crisis.— health crisis. you're doing amazing- _ health crisis. you're doing amazing- i— health crisis. you're doing amazing. i am _ health crisis. you're doing amazing. i am not - health crisis. you're doing amazing. i am not strong | health crisis. you're doing - amazing. i am not strong enough to fiuht amazing. i am not strong enough to fight against _ amazing. i am not strong enough to fight against my _ amazing. i am not strong enough to fight against my head. - amazing. i am not strong enough to fight against my head. can - to fight against my head. can ou to fight against my head. can you keep _ to fight against my head. can you keep yourself safe? i - you keep yourself safe? think. you keep yourself safe? i think. you _ you keep yourself safe? i think. you think- you keep yourself safe? i think. you think so? - you keep yourself safe? i think. you think so? i - you keep yourself safe? i | think. you think so? i had won't let _ think. you think so? i had won't let me. _ think. you think so? i had won't let me. the - think. you think so? i had won't let me. the idea . think. you think so? i had won't let me. the idea is| think. you think so? i had - won't let me. the idea is that an one won't let me. the idea is that anyone can — won't let me. the idea is that anyone can come _ won't let me. the idea is that anyone can come through - won't let me. the idea is that i anyone can come through these doors, no questions asked, no delays. doors, no questions asked, no dela s. ~ ., ., delays. well done. i will going aet ou delays. well done. i will going get you a _ delays. well done. i will going get you a drink. _ delays. well done. i will going get you a drink. when - delays. well done. i will going | get you a drink. when someone comes— get you a drink. when someone comes in— get you a drink. when someone comes in hearing crisis we don't _ comes in hearing crisis we don't want them to wait an or two _ don't want them to wait an or two to— don't want them to wait an or two to see _ don't want them to wait an or two to see someone and at the moment— two to see someone and at the moment at this place if they go to a85 — moment at this place if they go to a85 if— moment at this place if they go to a&e if they go there they will wait for six or seven hours _ will wait for six or seven hours. here they can have a tea or coffee — hours. here they can have a tea or coffee but ultimately they need — or coffee but ultimately they need to— or coffee but ultimately they need to feel like they are being _ need to feel like they are being heard and listened to. it is a being heard and listened to. is a big being heard and listened to. it is a big achievement. i am on 30-40 is a big achievement. i am on 30—a0 cups of tea a day. $5 30-40 cups of tea a day. as most 30—40 cups of tea a day. as most people here and they will tell you this link between mental health and substance abuse is real. for this man it was the booze.— was the booze. vodka, everything. _ was the booze. vodka, everything, do - was the booze. vodka, everything, do not - was the booze. vodka, everything, do not i i was the booze. vodka, - everything, do not i mean? anything i could get my hands on, really. anything i could get my hands on. really-— on, really. that was five years. — on, really. that was five years. six _ on, really. that was five years, six months - on, really. that was five years, six months and i on, really. that was five i years, six months and four on, really. that was five - years, six months and four days ago and counting. dude has been off the drink since then. sometimes he is strong enough to volunteer and make the coffees, support others in crisis. but he is still working on his own recovery. i crisis. but he is still working on his own recovery.- crisis. but he is still working on his own recovery. i suffer a lot of ptsd — on his own recovery. i suffer a lot of ptsd and _ on his own recovery. i suffer a lot of ptsd and i _ on his own recovery. i suffer a lot of ptsd and i was - on his own recovery. i suffer a lot of ptsd and i was self - lot of ptsd and i was self harming, i have nightmares and stuff like that. i don't sleep well. ., ., , ., well. you are stuck in a difficult _ well. you are stuck in a difficult past? - well. you are stuck in a difficult past? and - well. you are stuck in a difficult past? and now| well. you are stuck in a i difficult past? and now it well. you are stuck in a - difficult past? and now it is recovery? _ difficult past? and now it is recovery? now _ difficult past? and now it is recovery? now it _ difficult past? and now it is recovery? now it is - difficult past? and now it is l recovery? now it is recovery, yeah. which is hard but i think it is hard for anybody, do you know what i mean? there is nothing easy about it. thank you for talking to us. thank you. you for talking to us. thank ou. , y ., , you for talking to us. thank ou. , , ., , you for talking to us. thank ou. , ., , you. keep yourself safe and try to net you. keep yourself safe and try to get back _ you. keep yourself safe and try to get back to _ you. keep yourself safe and try to get back to us _ you. keep yourself safe and try to get back to us if— you. keep yourself safe and try to get back to us if you - you. keep yourself safe and try to get back to us if you can. . you. keep yourself safe and try to get back to us if you can. i l to get back to us if you can. i was drinking every single night _ was drinking every single night i_ was drinking every single night. i came _ was drinking every single night. i came here - was drinking every single night. i came here as - was drinking every single night. i came here as a l was drinking every single i night. i came here as a man was drinking every single - night. i came here as a man who 'ust night. i came here as a man who just did — night. i came here as a man who just did not — night. i came here as a man who just did not know— night. i came here as a man who just did not know where - night. i came here as a man who just did not know where to - night. i came here as a man who just did not know where to go. . just did not know where to go. rob is— just did not know where to go. rob is another— just did not know where to go. rob is another who _ just did not know where to go. rob is another who arrived - rob is another who arrived hearing crisis. forjoe and his team it is all about making that first crucial connection, especially with men who can find it hard to ask for help. parts of my family don't understand _ parts of my family don't understand how- parts of my family don't understand how close . parts of my family don't understand how close ii parts of my family don't - understand how close i was, do you know — understand how close i was, do you know what _ understand how close i was, do you know what i _ understand how close i was, do you know what i mean? - understand how close i was, do you know what i mean? and . understand how close i was, dol you know what i mean? and this place _ you know what i mean? and this place did — you know what i mean? and this place did. they— you know what i mean? and this place did. they got _ you know what i mean? and this place did. they got it. _ you know what i mean? and this place did. they got it. they- place did. they got it. they understood _ place did. they got it. they understood when _ place did. they got it. they understood when i - place did. they got it. they understood when i sat - place did. they got it. they understood when i sat at i place did. they got it. they- understood when i sat at home crying — understood when i sat at home crying in — understood when i sat at home crying in the _ understood when i sat at home crying in the shower— understood when i sat at home crying in the shower on - understood when i sat at home crying in the shower on my- understood when i sat at home. crying in the shower on my own, these _ crying in the shower on my own, these get — crying in the shower on my own, these get it _ crying in the shower on my own, these get it— these get it. and something this simple _ these get it. and something this simple can _ these get it. and something this simple can save - these get it. and something this simple can save lives. l these get it. and something i this simple can save lives. can save lives. this simple can save lives. can save lives-— save lives. you really believe that? i know _ save lives. you really believe that? l know that. _ save lives. you really believe that? l know that. i'm - save lives. you really believe that? i know that. i'm living | that? i know that. i'm living proof — that? i know that. i'm living proof i'rn _ that? i know that. i'm living proof. i'm here, _ that? i know that. i'm living proof. i'm here, aren't- that? i know that. i'm living proof. i'm here, aren't i? it| proof. i'm here, aren't i? it is that— proof. i'm here, aren't i? it is that simple. _ proof. i'm here, aren't i? it is that simple. it— proof. i'm here, aren't i? it is that simple.— proof. i'm here, aren't i? it is that simple. it is one that is that simple. it is one that is in the _ is that simple. it is one that is in the pipeline, _ is that simple. it is one that is in the pipeline, to - is that simple. it is one that is in the pipeline, to share l is in the pipeline, to share that one. the human touch. take it easy, mate. that one. the human touch. take it easy. mate-— it easy, mate. important stuff. i am in birkenhead _ it easy, mate. important stuff. i am in birkenhead spending i it easy, mate. important stuff. i am in birkenhead spending a| i am in birkenhead spending a year getting to know tony. schizophrenic, addicted to heroin that so much more than that. of course, tony comes with plenty of baggage but it's not all bleak. do you want to hand with these ones as well? today we are out on the town. as soon as we get them out it will start raining again, you know? it probably will. a street showcase of his photography. street showcase of his photography-- street showcase of his -hotoara-h. ., , street showcase of his -hotoara-h. , , photography. nobody even stops to look. it has _ photography. nobody even stops to look. it has been _ photography. nobody even stops to look. it has been both - photography. nobody even stops to look. it has been both a - to look. it has been both a passion — to look. it has been both a passion and _ to look. it has been both a passion and a _ to look. it has been both a passion and a therapy. - to look. it has been both a i passion and a therapy. after setting up, a chance to catch up setting up, a chance to catch up and when tony says dabbling, what he means is using heroin. however you been? what he means is using heroin. howeveryou been? i'm what he means is using heroin. however you been? i'm 0k. what he means is using heroin. howeveryou been? i'm ok. i'm still dabbling but i haven't been as good as this for years. it is taking me a while to get off the cocaine.— it is taking me a while to get off the cocaine. crack cocaine? i have off the cocaine. crack cocaine? i have my _ off the cocaine. crack cocaine? i have my last _ off the cocaine. crack cocaine? i have my last nearly _ off the cocaine. crack cocaine? i have my last nearly a - off the cocaine. crack cocaine? i have my last nearly a year - i have my last nearly a year ago. a year in september it will be. the beginning of september last year i stopped. so off the crack and that is a relief because that was a thing that actually was threatening tony's life. that actually was threatening tony's life-— tony's life. here, hold this. 0k, he's— tony's life. here, hold this. 0k, he's still— tony's life. here, hold this. 0k, he's still on _ tony's life. here, hold this. 0k, he's still on the - tony's life. here, hold this. j 0k, he's still on the heroin. tony's mental health come a long way since the really bad times. fit. long way since the really bad times. �* .., long way since the really bad times. �* .. ., long way since the really bad times. �* ., ., ., times. a decade in and out of psychiatric — times. a decade in and out of psychiatric units _ times. a decade in and out of psychiatric units and - times. a decade in and out of psychiatric units and all - psychiatric units and all around the country. i psychiatric units and all around the country. i walk from here to oxford. _ around the country. i walk from here to oxford. did _ around the country. i walk from here to oxford. did you? - around the country. i walk from here to oxford. did you? it - here to oxford. did you? it took me — here to oxford. did you? it took me five _ here to oxford. did you? it took me five days. - here to oxford. did you? it took me five days. six - here to oxford. did you? it| took me five days. six days here to oxford. did you? it - took me five days. six days and five nights. and then to sleep in daytime walk at night because it was too cold to sleep at night even in the summer.— in the summer. tony told me often that — in the summer. tony told me often that he _ in the summer. tony told me often that he wants - in the summer. tony told me often that he wants to - in the summer. tony told me often that he wants to get. in the summer. tony told me j often that he wants to get off all non—prescription drugs and it would be great to see him get a fresh start away from the heroin and away from the stigma that goes with it. i heroin and away from the stigma that goes with it.— that goes with it. i get called a “unkie that goes with it. i get called a junkie and _ that goes with it. i get called a junkie and a _ that goes with it. i get called a junkie and a crackhead - that goes with it. i get called a junkie and a crackhead and | a junkie and a crackhead and what can you say? it is true, i am. it is not nice to be called in but at the end of the day thatis in but at the end of the day that is what i am. but in but at the end of the day that is what i am.— in but at the end of the day that is what i am. but if there is abuse there _ that is what i am. but if there is abuse there is _ that is what i am. but if there is abuse there is also - is abuse there is also kindness. fit. is abuse there is also kindness.— is abuse there is also kindness. �* ., ., kindness. a good man, i mean that. kindness. a good man, i mean that- thank — kindness. a good man, i mean that. thank you, _ kindness. a good man, i mean that. thank you, take - kindness. a good man, i mean that. thank you, take care. - that. thank you, take care. that is the _ that. thank you, take care. that is the nearest - that. thank you, take care. that is the nearest i - that. thank you, take care. that is the nearest i have i that. thank you, take care. i that is the nearest i have got into a sunset. it that is the nearest i have got into a sunset.— into a sunset. it does him aood. into a sunset. it does him good- he _ into a sunset. it does him good. he spends - into a sunset. it does him good. he spends a - into a sunset. it does him good. he spends a lot - into a sunset. it does him good. he spends a lot ofl into a sunset. it does him - good. he spends a lot of time in that flat on his own and when he is out on the street people giving compliments and i don't think people give him compliments about much in his life so it is nice to hear them say that that is a nice photograph, nice picture. it is good for him. the lesson i'm getting from birkenhead is that none of this is easy but it is worth the effort. at the spider project they have been added for decades and mel bowen has been here from the start. here there are activities and support to fill the hole that is left when the drugs and the booze history. and there is growing recognition of the vicious circle that links mental illness and substance abuse. .~.,, mental illness and substance abuse. ., , ,, mental illness and substance abuse. ., , ., abuse. pick any file you want ofthe abuse. pick any file you want of the bishop. _ abuse. pick any file you want of the bishop. every - abuse. pick any file you want of the bishop. every single i of the bishop. every single file had depression, anxiety, all kinds of mental health issues every single one. literally every single one. and the need became apparent of people coming through the door more and more in crisis. more so than everfelt more and more in crisis. more so than ever felt we needed to do something about this, really. do something about this, reall . , ., do something about this, reall. , ., , really. so they did do is something. _ really. so they did do is something. they - really. so they did do is i something. they founded really. so they did do is - something. they founded the mental health crisis cafe with an ethos that anyone and everyone would be welcome. we had a stigma no fear of judgement, is that a barrier for people coming through the doors? to for people coming through the doors? ., .. , for people coming through the doors? ., , ., doors? to carry that 'udgement with them * doors? to carry that 'udgement with them and h doors? to carry that 'udgement with them and then _ doors? to carry thatjudgement with them and then they - doors? to carry thatjudgement with them and then they come l doors? to carry that judgement. with them and then they come in and worry— with them and then they come in and worry that they will have that, — and worry that they will have that, that that will continue. so it— that, that that will continue. so it is— that, that that will continue. so it is really important to get — so it is really important to get it— so it is really important to get it right when you first come _ get it right when you first come through the door. are you ok, come through the door. are you 0k, tony? _ come through the door. are you 0k, tony? not— come through the door. are you ok, tony? not too _ come through the door. are you ok, tony? not too bad. - come through the door. are you ok, tony? not too bad. on - come through the door. are you ok, tony? not too bad. on a i 0k, tony? not too bad. on a sunday ok, tony? not too bad. on a sunday afternoon in september. i'm interrupting your lunch. i am back with tony.— am back with tony. having a look at the _ am back with tony. having a look at the diagram, - am back with tony. having a look at the diagram, the - am back with tony. having a i look at the diagram, the arrow is going back in time. why is that? .. . is going back in time. why is that? . , that? often when i catch up with him, — that? often when i catch up with him, he _ that? often when i catch up with him, he seems- that? often when i catch up with him, he seems to - that? often when i catch up with him, he seems to be i that? often when i catch up - with him, he seems to be having a good day, he seems to like the company. a good day, he seems to like the company-— a good day, he seems to like the company. they describe the universe. the _ the company. they describe the universe. the standard - the company. they describe the universe. the standard model. universe. the standard model starts at that period of time, turn to the —43 seconds. and starts at that period of time, turn to the -43 seconds. and he en'o s turn to the -43 seconds. and he enjoys bamboozling _ turn to the -43 seconds. and he enjoys bamboozling me - turn to the -43 seconds. and he enjoys bamboozling me with - enjoys bamboozling me with quantum physics and other deep science stuff. it quantum physics and other deep science stuff.— science stuff. it is 'ust a tiny bit fl science stuff. it is 'ust a tiny bit oft science stuff. it is 'ust a tiny bit of gap h science stuff. it isjust a tiny bit of gap between | science stuff. it isjust a - tiny bit of gap between that and absolute zero. but tiny bit of gap between that and absolute zero. but what i don't get _ and absolute zero. but what i don't get to _ and absolute zero. but what i don't get to see _ and absolute zero. but what i don't get to see is _ and absolute zero. but what i don't get to see is the - don't get to see is the everyday hard grind of his life. sometimes, when he's having a moment, he sends an e—mail. having a moment, he sends an e-mail. ,, ., ., having a moment, he sends an e-mail. ., ., ., e-mail. do you want to read my- -- 'i'm _ e-mail. do you want to read my... "i'm looking - e-mail. do you want to read my... "i'm looking forward i e-mail. do you want to read | my... "i'm looking forward to d int. i my... "i'm looking forward to dying- i am — my... "i'm looking forward to dying. i am done _ my... "i'm looking forward to dying. i am done with - my... "i'm looking forward to dying. i am done with this . dying. i am done with this world, the walls everywhere, religion causing more problems thanit religion causing more problems than it solves". yeah yeah, i remember saying that. "there is no such thing as god, there is no such thing as god, there is no such thing as god, there is no such place is heaven or hell. ., �* , no such place is heaven or hell-_ "no - no such place is heaven or hell._ "no one | hell. that's true. "no one cares what _ hell. that's true. "no one cares what happens - hell. that's true. "no one cares what happens to - hell. that's true. "no one . cares what happens to me, hell. that's true. "no one - cares what happens to me, they just put me off drugs. i don't think there is much more to say except i will try to stay off drugs from now on but to the detriment of my life". so you have told me before that you take drugs because you like taking them?— take drugs because you like taking them? take drugs because you like takint them? , ., ,, taking them? they make me feel better than _ taking them? they make me feel better than the _ taking them? they make me feel better than the feeling _ taking them? they make me feel better than the feeling i - taking them? they make me feel better than the feeling i get - better than the feeling i get when i'm straight. with all the things that have gone on in my life, you know. but things that have gone on in my life, you know.— life, you know. but the worst thing about _ life, you know. but the worst thing about this, _ life, you know. but the worst thing about this, the - life, you know. but the worst thing about this, the worst i thing about this, the worst thing, you say, "someone will find me. i can't put my neighbour through the ordeal of seeing a dead body. so i can't even and myself without doing harm to others". yeah that's right. "i'm going to bed now. i cannot stop crying".— cannot stop crying". yeah, i remember- _ cannot stop crying". yeah, i remember. that _ cannot stop crying". yeah, i remember. that is - cannot stop crying". yeah, i remember. that is the - cannot stop crying". yeah, i | remember. that is the deep depression i get in. that's what's wrong with me. yeah. do you feel suicidal? no, not at the moment. _ do you feel suicidal? no, not at the moment. but - do you feel suicidal? no, not at the moment. but you - do you feel suicidal? no, not| at the moment. but you have our at the moment. but you have your moments, _ at the moment. but you have your moments, don't - at the moment. but you have your moments, don't you? i at the moment. but you have - your moments, don't you? that's howl your moments, don't you? that's how i felt your moments, don't you? that's how i felt on _ your moments, don't you? that's how i felt on that _ your moments, don't you? that's how i felt on that night. - your moments, don't you? that's how i felt on that night. it's - how i felt on that night. it's hard. all your life becomes as around taking drugs. you don't know anything else.— around taking drugs. you don't know anything else. every time i talk to know anything else. every time i talk to you. — know anything else. every time i talk to you. i _ know anything else. every time i talk to you, i think _ know anything else. every time i talk to you, i think you - know anything else. every time i talk to you, i think you are - i talk to you, i think you are 100% honest with me. i feel ashamed. — 100% honest with me. i feel ashamed. i— 100% honest with me. i feel ashamed, i do _ 100% honest with me. i feel ashamed, i do feel- 100% honest with me. i feel. ashamed, i do feel ashamed. your truth today tony is not necessarily the same as your truth tomorrow. it necessarily the same as your truth tomorrow.— truth tomorrow. it isn't, thin . s truth tomorrow. it isn't, things change _ truth tomorrow. it isn't, things change for- truth tomorrow. it isn't, things change for me. i truth tomorrow. it isn't, - things change for me. you've caught me in a melancholy... attitude, and that shocked me. i'm mentally ill, and that's a fact. i wouldn't deny it. i'm good at looking normal and be a normal, but at the base level, and just, you know, istruggle to hang on to reality sometimes. iam back i am back in the coffee shop, which is also birkenhead's mental health crisis centre. 50 mental health crisis centre. so when people are just finding something to fidget with, they are there. , .., something to fidget with, they are there. , .. , .., �* are there. they can help, can't the ? are there. they can help, can't they? they're _ are there. they can help, can't they? they're they _ are there. they can help, can't they? they're they really - are there. they can help, can't they? they're they really can. | they? they're they really can. i am eating roxy. i they? they're they really can. i am eating roxy.— they? they're they really can. i am eating roxy. i have come straitht i am eating roxy. i have come straight from _ i am eating roxy. i have come straight from a&e, _ i am eating roxy. i have come straight from me, i _ i am eating roxy. i have come straight from me, i haven't i straight from a&e, i haven't had — straight from a&e, i haven't had a — straight from a&e, i haven't had a positive experience there _ had a positive experience there i_ had a positive experience there. i was discharged after quite — there. i was discharged after quite a — there. i was discharged after quite a serious overdose. listening to roxy and to others here... do you want to come upstairs? it feels like conventional mental health services are stretched to breaking point, and i'm thinking that's why the nhs has decided to fund this place. already in its first six months, it has seen more than 300 people. months, it has seen more than 300 people-— 300 people. this is probably the singularly _ 300 people. this is probably the singularly most - 300 people. this is probably i the singularly most substantial help that i've had my whole life. — help that i've had my whole life. and _ help that i've had my whole life, and it is not even... its — life, and it is not even... its not _ life, and it is not even... it's not clinical, it's not, ok, _ it's not clinical, it's not, ok. this _ it's not clinical, it's not, ok, this is how you deal with your— ok, this is how you deal with your problems. can we guide you through it, you know, setting small goals that might not even seem like a goat _ that might not even seem like a goat i_ that might not even seem like a goal. i don't think i would have _ goal. i don't think i would have made a pass that night of being in— have made a pass that night of being in a&e for a second time. -- made — being in a&e for a second time. -- made it— being in a&e for a second time. —— made it past. without having this place — —— made it past. without having this place i_ —— made it past. without having this place. i don't think i would _ this place. i don't think i would survive the weeks after, i would survive the weeks after, i don't — would survive the weeks after, i don't think. i would not have survived — i don't think. i would not have survived the family issues, i don't — survived the family issues, i don't think i would have survived _ don't think i would have survived my own mind. when you've — survived my own mind. when you've got _ survived my own mind. when you've got chronic illnesses, people — you've got chronic illnesses, people say, you need to get out more _ people say, you need to get out more. where do i go, though? this— more. where do i go, though? this place _ more. where do i go, though? this place isjust wonderful, it really— this place isjust wonderful, it really is. it's fantastic. how— it really is. it's fantastic. how are _ it really is. it's fantastic. how are you doing up to yesterday's conversation? not eve one yesterday's conversation? not everyone i— yesterday's conversation? not everyone i have _ yesterday's conversation? ilrrt everyone i have met here has addictive issues, but every day here brings new evidence of the link between mental health and substance abuse. this place is making a difference.— substance abuse. this place is making a difference. singh and i sa , making a difference. singh and i say. hey. _ making a difference. singh and i say. hey. yeah. _ making a difference. singh and i say, hey, yeah, yeah, - making a difference. singh and i say, hey, yeah, yeah, yeah, . isay, hey, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, isaid hey, what's going on? i yeah, i said hey, what's going on? ., yeah, i said hey, what's going on? . , ., ., on? i am so proud to be managing _ on? i am so proud to be managing a _ on? i am so proud to be managing a service - on? i am so proud to be managing a service like | on? i am so proud to be - managing a service like this that— managing a service like this that is— managing a service like this that is making _ managing a service like this that is making such- managing a service like this that is making such an - managing a service like this. that is making such an amazing impact — that is making such an amazing impact on — that is making such an amazing impact on people's— that is making such an amazing impact on people's lives. - impact on people's lives. people _ impact on people's lives. people come _ impact on people's lives. people come here - impact on people's lives. i people come here because impact on people's lives. - people come here because they have _ people come here because they have a — people come here because they have a drink— people come here because they have a drink issue. _ people come here because they have a drink issue. rather- people come here because they have a drink issue. rather thanl have a drink issue. rather than drinking, — have a drink issue. rather than drinking, they— have a drink issue. rather than drinking, they come _ have a drink issue. rather than drinking, they come here, - have a drink issue. rather than drinking, they come here, they come _ drinking, they come here, they come in — drinking, they come here, they come in here _ drinking, they come here, they come in here rather— drinking, they come here, they come in here rather than- come in here rather than self-harm _ come in here rather than self—harm. this- come in here rather than self—harm. this is- come in here rather than self—harm. this is a - come in here rather thani self—harm. this is a place where _ self—harm. this is a place where people _ self—harm. this is a place where people can - self—harm. this is a place where people can go - self—harm. this is a place where people can go and| self—harm. this is a place i where people can go and be self—harm. this is a place - where people can go and be safe and be _ where people can go and be safe and be heard, _ where people can go and be safe and be heard, and— where people can go and be safe and be heard, and i— where people can go and be safe and be heard, and ijust- where people can go and be safe and be heard, and ijust wish- and be heard, and ijust wish they— and be heard, and ijust wish they were _ and be heard, and ijust wish they were all _ and be heard, and ijust wish they were all over— and be heard, and ijust wish they were all over the - and be heard, and ijust wish. they were all over the country, to be _ they were all over the country, to be honest _ cani can i take your situation, the oxygen levels?— can i take your situation, the oxygen levels? back with tony and it is a _ oxygen levels? back with tony and it is a big _ oxygen levels? back with tony and it is a big day. _ oxygen levels? back with tony and it is a big day. have - oxygen levels? back with tony and it is a big day. have you i and it is a big day. have you gained some _ and it is a big day. have you gained some weight, - and it is a big day. have you gained some weight, tony? | and it is a big day. have you - gained some weight, tony? no, well, gained some weight, tony? no, well. may _ gained some weight, tony? no, well. may be — gained some weight, tony? no, well. may be a _ gained some weight, tony? no, well, may be a little _ gained some weight, tony? no, well, may be a little but... his — well, may be a little but... his regular six month check—in with the doctor. his regular six month check-in with the doctor.— with the doctor. have things been, with the doctor. have things been. tony. _ with the doctor. have things been, tony, since _ with the doctor. have things been, tony, since we - with the doctor. have things been, tony, since we last i with the doctor. have things . been, tony, since we last met? yeah, all right, still very lonely _ yeah, all right, still very lonely |t— yeah, all right, still very lonel . , ., yeah, all right, still very lonel. , ., lonely. it is not easy cover this. lonely. it is not easy cover this- tony _ lonely. it is not easy cover this. tony wants _ lonely. it is not easy cover this. tony wants to - lonely. it is not easy cover this. tony wants to stay i lonely. it is not easy cover| this. tony wants to stay on lonely. it is not easy cover- this. tony wants to stay on the prescription methadone and amphetamines he says keep him stable. , ., . ., . ,, stable. there is no crack cocaine? _ stable. there is no crack cocaine? no, _ stable. there is no crack cocaine? no, i- stable. there is no crack cocaine? no, i packed. stable. there is no crack. cocaine? no, i packed that stable. there is no crack- cocaine? no, i packed that in a ear cocaine? no, i packed that in a year ago. _ cocaine? no, i packed that in a year ago. a _ cocaine? no, i packed that in a year ago, a doctor. _ cocaine? no, i packed that in a year ago, a doctor. the - year ago, a doctor. the methadone _ year ago, a doctor. the methadone and - year ago, a doctor. the methadone and the - year ago, a doctor. tie: methadone and the vitamins prescribe... methadone and the vitamins prescribe. . ._ methadone and the vitamins trescribe... . ~ . , ., prescribe... team radio:. for ton , prescribe... team radio:. for tony. he _ prescribe... team radio:. for tony. he has — prescribe... team radio:. for tony, he has always _ prescribe... team radio:. for tony, he has always told - prescribe... team radio:. for tony, he has always told me i prescribe... team radio:. for| tony, he has always told me he self medicaid is to stop the schizophrenia, and when he stops there is trouble. you haven't been _ stops there is trouble. ym. haven't been experiencing any voices, oryou haven't been experiencing any voices, or you haven't been feeling paranoid? hat voices, or you haven't been feeling paranoid? not really, no. the blood _ feeling paranoid? not really, no. the blood tests - feeling paranoid? not really, no. the blood tests are - feeling paranoid? not really, i no. the blood tests are looking re no. the blood tests are looking pretty good- — no. the blood tests are looking pretty good- tony _ no. the blood tests are looking pretty good. tony has - no. the blood tests are looking pretty good. tony has been - pretty good. tony has been preparing for more than a week. he has managed to stay off the heroin, and it has not been easy. heroin, and it has not been eas . �* , , ., easy. i've been straight, i ave easy. i've been straight, i gave up — easy. i've been straight, i gave up part _ easy. i've been straight, i gave up part of _ easy. i've been straight, i. gave up part of everything, i gave — gave up part of everything, i gave up— gave up part of everything, i gave up smoking weed, did you know? — gave up smoking weed, did you know? everything, istopped, and it— know? everything, istopped, and it felt good to be straight and it felt good to be straight and have _ and it felt good to be straight and have a clear head, but at the same _ and have a clear head, but at the same time everything else in my— the same time everything else in my life _ the same time everything else in my life all came into focus. there — in my life all came into focus. there was— in my life all came into focus. there was murder. it was horrible _ there was murder. it was horrible-— there was murder. it was horrible. �* ., ., , horrible. bottom line, things have gone — horrible. bottom line, things have gone ok. _ horrible. bottom line, things have gone ok. tony's - horrible. bottom line, things| have gone ok. tony's support package continues unchanged, and for him, that means stability. the doctor wants him off the heroin, but there's not much progress on that. it's december. christmas is coming. but, for tony, that doesn't change much. bill coming. but, for tony, that doesn't change much.- coming. but, for tony, that doesn't change much. all i want to do is top _ doesn't change much. all i want to do is top of— doesn't change much. all i want to do is top of my _ doesn't change much. all i want to do is top of my metre! - doesn't change much. all i want to do is top of my metre! the i to do is top of my metre! the constants _ to do is top of my metre! the constants in _ to do is top of my metre! the constants in his _ to do is top of my metre! the constants in his life _ to do is top of my metre! tts: constants in his life are drugs... constants in his life are drugs- - -_ constants in his life are dru~s... �* , . . drugs... and my electric! schizophrenia, _ drugs... and my electric! schizophrenia, and - drugs... and my electric! - schizophrenia, and loneliness. how is your self—esteem? mi; how is your self-esteem? my self esteem _ how is your self-esteem? my self esteem is _ how is your self—esteem? my self esteem is quite low because i don't have a partner. it's because i don't have a partner. it'sjust— because i don't have a partner. it'sjust something i have learnt _ it'sjust something i have learnt to live with, that i'm not — learnt to live with, that i'm not going to have a partner, ever~ — not going to have a partner, ever~ so _ not going to have a partner, ever. so all you can do in life is smile _ ever. so all you can do in life is smile and green about it. this— is smile and green about it. this is— is smile and green about it. this is my— is smile and green about it. this is my sister's wedding. tony— this is my sister's wedding. tony often tells me about his family, and now he's found some old cine films.— old cine films. that's my sister. so _ old cine films. that's my sister. so i— old cine films. that's my sister. so i would - old cine films. that's my sister. so i would have i old cine films. that's my - sister. so i would have been born— sister. so i would have been born then _ sister. so i would have been born then. she was ten when i was _ born then. she was ten when i was born _ born then. she was ten when i was born i_ born then. she was ten when i was born-— was born. i can't help thinking that things — was born. i can't help thinking that things could _ was born. i can't help thinking that things could have - was born. i can't help thinking that things could have been i that things could have been really different for him, and tony says his sister and two brothers have had successful and fulfilling lives. but tony's mental health and addiction have cost him any chance of the kind of family relationships that he would like, and any chance of a career. the observation i would make is you are so talented and so intelligent, that is manifestly true, that somewhere in society the contribution that you could be making with all your skills and talents is... �* , ., all your skills and talents is... �*, ., �*, ., all your skills and talents is... it's not, it's not, you can say — is... it's not, it's not, you can say i'm _ is... it's not, it's not, you can say i'm clever- is... it's not, it's not, you can say i'm clever and - can say i'm clever and everything, but give me a job and i— everything, but give me a job and i wouldn't be able to do it. and i wouldn't be able to do it i'm — and i wouldn't be able to do it i'm so— and i wouldn't be able to do it. i'm so clumsy, i will knock things— it. i'm so clumsy, i will knock things over. _ it. i'm so clumsy, i will knock things over, spill things, break— things over, spill things, break things. day after day, it doesn't — break things. day after day, it doesn't stop. i'm incredibly clumsy _ doesn't stop. i'm incredibly clumsy i_ doesn't stop. i'm incredibly clumsy. i couldn't hold a job somewhere. february now, and tony's on the move. . february now, and tony's on the move-- this _ february now, and tony's on the move.- this is _ move. and ok. this is different. _ move. and ok. this is different. i _ move. and ok. this is different. i haven't - move. and ok. this is i different. i haven't seen move. and ok. this is - different. i haven't seen him look like this was not he's edgy. it feels like he's on a mission. back at the flat, it's clear where he's been. and what he's brought home. tony, would you like a cup of tea, a bit of cake, and some heroin. bud you like a cup of tea, a bit of cake, and some heroin. and some heroin. cake, and some heroin. and some heroin- not _ cake, and some heroin. and some heroin. not the _ cake, and some heroin. and some heroin. not the average _ heroin. not the average afternoon _ heroin. not the average afternoon break. - heroin. not the average afternoon break. no. i heroin. not the average. afternoon break. no. not heroin. not the average - afternoon break. no. not at all. i've just been looking forward to getting high. you i've just been looking forward to getting high-— i've just been looking forward to getting high. you don't mind me seeing _ to getting high. you don't mind me seeing you _ to getting high. you don't mind me seeing you do _ to getting high. you don't mind me seeing you do it? _ to getting high. you don't mind me seeing you do it? no, - to getting high. you don't mind me seeing you do it? no, not i to getting high. you don't mind | me seeing you do it? no, not in the slightest — me seeing you do it? no, not in the slightest was _ me seeing you do it? no, not in the slightest was that _ me seeing you do it? no, not in the slightest was that i - me seeing you do it? no, not in the slightest was that i wasn't i the slightest was that i wasn't ashamed of it, if i wasn't —— if i — ashamed of it, if i wasn't —— if i was _ ashamed of it, if i wasn't —— if i was ashamed of it, i wouldn't _ if i was ashamed of it, i wouldn't do it, i wouldn't be able — wouldn't do it, i wouldn't be able to— wouldn't do it, i wouldn't be able to live with myself until it is a — able to live with myself until it is a means to an end. what is the end? — it is a means to an end. what is the end? getting _ it is a means to an end. what is the end? getting my - it is a means to an end. what is the end? getting my brain | is the end? getting my brain where it needs _ is the end? getting my brain where it needs to _ is the end? getting my brain where it needs to be. - is the end? getting my brain where it needs to be. which | is the end? getting my brain i where it needs to be. which is? peaceful and _ where it needs to be. which is? peaceful and undisturbed - where it needs to be. which is? peaceful and undisturbed by - peaceful and undisturbed by all the thoughts and trouble and schizophrenia. this the thoughts and trouble and schizophrenia.— the thoughts and trouble and schizophrenia. this was going to be my last _ schizophrenia. this was going to be my last day _ schizophrenia. this was going to be my last day with - schizophrenia. this was going to be my last day with tony, . to be my last day with tony, and i had some more questions for him, but he is pretty high now, and distracted. i think you'll have to wait until tomorrow. next morning, we are back on an even keel, and his what i want to know. decades into a drug habit, how come you are still alive? �* ., habit, how come you are still alive? . ., , ., alive? are a good question. it is a lottery- — alive? are a good question. it is a lottery. life _ alive? are a good question. it is a lottery. life is _ alive? are a good question. it is a lottery. life is a - is a lottery. life is a lottery _ is a lottery. life is a lottery. it is probability. it is only— lottery. it is probability. it is only like that i'm still here _ is only like that i'm still here. ., ~' ., is only like that i'm still here. ., ,, ., , ., ., here. you know it is dangerous? the 're here. you know it is dangerous? they're of— here. you know it is dangerous? they're of course _ here. you know it is dangerous? they're of course i _ here. you know it is dangerous? they're of course i do, _ here. you know it is dangerous? they're of course i do, yeah. - they're of course i do, yeah. yeah, it could kill— yeah, it could kill me, it could kill— yeah, it could kill me, it could kill me. _ yeah, it could kill me, it could kill me. this - yeah, it could kill me, it could kill me. this was i yeah, it could kill me, it- could kill me. this was going to be the _ could kill me. this was going to be the year— could kill me. this was going to be the year that _ could kill me. this was going to be the year that tony - to be the year that tony got off the illegal drugs. that hasn't happened. but he has stayed off the crack cocaine, and his mental health is pretty good. i and his mental health is pretty tood. ., �* , good. i wouldn't be here if it wasn't good. iwouldn't be here if it wasn't for— good. i wouldn't be here if it wasn't for people _ good. i wouldn't be here if it wasn't for people like - good. i wouldn't be here if it wasn't for people like john i good. i wouldn't be here if it. wasn't for people like john and the doctors and the nurses that have _ the doctors and the nurses that have looked after me over the years. — have looked after me over the years. and _ have looked after me over the years, and i appreciate and i would — years, and i appreciate and i would like to thank them, anyway _ would like to thank them, anyway, for all the effort they put in. — anyway, for all the effort they put in, you know. i haven't been — put in, you know. i haven't been the _ put in, you know. i haven't been the easiest of patients to deal with, been the easiest of patients to dealwith, because been the easiest of patients to deal with, because of my illness _ deal with, because of my illness. ., ., , ., dealwith, because of my illness. ., ., illness. for tony, what does success look _ illness. for tony, what does success look like? _ illness. for tony, what does success look like? he - illness. for tony, what does success look like? he is - success look like? he is much better, success look like? he is much better. and — success look like? he is much better. and i— success look like? he is much better, and i think _ success look like? he is much better, and i think for - success look like? he is much better, and i think for him - success look like? he is much better, and i think for him as| better, and i think for him as long as he is not using all—day, everyday, he is not selling any of his belongings, life isn't unravelling in front of him, i think he is sustaining his life the way it is now, and not only that, he seems a bit more happier in his life now. i seems a bit more happier in his life now. ,, ., ., , ., , life now. i know what people think about _ life now. i know what people think about me, _ life now. i know what people think about me, when - life now. i know what people think about me, when they i life now. i know what people i think about me, when they see these _ think about me, when they see these clips, but i'm ok. i won't _ these clips, but i'm ok. i won't rob _ these clips, but i'm ok. i won't rob you. you're safe with me. _ won't rob you. you're safe with me, regardless of being paranoid schizophrenic, you're not in — paranoid schizophrenic, you're not in any _ paranoid schizophrenic, you're not in any immediate danger. put it — not in any immediate danger. put it that— not in any immediate danger. put it that way.— not in any immediate danger. put it that way. you know, i've learned so _ put it that way. you know, i've learned so much _ put it that way. you know, i've learned so much over- put it that way. you know, i've learned so much over the - put it that way. you know, i've learned so much over the past| learned so much over the past year. these labels we use, drug addict, schizophrenic, whatever, they don't tell you about the real person, the person living with all of that. tonyis person living with all of that. tony is intelligent, he's perceptive, but he's also very vulnerable. you know what, this journey has showed me that recovery is different for everybody, and it is finding the right path for the right person at the right time. you can follow more of my year in birkenhead in an extended version, which is available on the bbc iplayer. if the issues raised in this film have affected you, details of organisations offering information and support are available online. hello again. looking at the weather picture over the next few days, we'll have some warm sunshine around, a few showers, but then the weather starts to turn more unsettled from the south, as we head into the weekend. this area of cloud is going to be bringing some rain to northern ireland, though, as we go through thursday. at the moment, skies are clear, and with the winds light, it's another chilly night, with a chilly start to the day thursday morning. temperatures around 5—7 celsius for many of you. now, it will be a sunny start for scotland, england and wales, but cloud will thicken quickly in northern ireland, with outbreaks of rain turning heavy here through the day. a few showers for scotland and northern england, many of them up over high ground, so for quite a few of you, it's going to work out to be a dry day, with some warm sunshine. 18 in glasgow. temperatures across england and wales quite widely getting into the low 20s. now, beyond that, through friday, again, sunshine, a few showers. on into the weekend, it's dry across the north of the uk, but we'll see some rain develop across parts of england and wales. welcome to bbc news — i'm chris rogers. our top stories: do you find that mr deb has proven by clear and convincing evidence that ms heard acted with actual malice? the hollywood actor johnny depp wins his multi—million dollar lawsuit against his former wife amber heard. russia accuses the united states of escalating the conflict in ukraine — after president biden promises to send hi—tech rockets to help ukrainian forces. another shooting incident in the united states — four people are dead and others are injured at a hospital campus in tulsa, oklahoma. and the final rehearsals have taken place and the celebrations are about to begin — for queen elizabeth's 70 years as monarch.