would you do the same thing? >> jesse james, no holds barred for the hour. this is a primetime exclusive. >> you thought i was going to hit you. >> jesse james puts it all out there. his life is an open book. he has a book titled "american outlaw." jesse, we met once on "celebrity apprentice." >> you thought i was going to hit you. >> i did, actually. it was the one time during my recent television career that this was not going to end happily. you kept staring at me with this kind of death stare. >> no. i'm a pussy cat. >> the second time we met was i suppose a slightly more surreal situation. it was at the oscar's and i was on the red carpet and we had a bit of fun about the apprentice and i said, can i meet sandra and you went and got sandra and brought her over. we met at the time what she said and she said, i wake up every day and i remind myself how lucky i am to have him. and within four days it was all over. the scandal broke and that was it. i found it sad when i read back the notes that i made then. >> i think it was sad, you know. it's funny, like how quick, you know, life can change and the things that you -- that are closest to you can be gone in the blink of an eye and it's not just me. it's for anyone, you know. >> you're very honest in the book and commendably so. you take all of the criticism on your chin. when i read it, if it was your time again, would you do the same thing? >> as far as like the infidelity stuff or -- >> because the key thing you talk about a lot of a relationship with sandra, you talk about what happened. i'm going to come to that later in the interview. but i just wondered when i read it whether you regret that it happened or being exposed or how you really feel? >> well, i think the whole book is hindsight. you could go hindsight with any of it. i think starting from when i was a kid, you know, i would rather get the football scholarship than be in jail when the scouts came around, you know. >> would you? >> yeah. >> these are interesting -- if i could have gone back and played football now and still get a college scholarship even though i would have never turned pro because i was too small, i would do that. and i think as far as the relationship with sandy, you know, i should have did the honorable thing. i should have left her. if i wanted to screw around, i should have ended it. but, you know -- >> given what your life has ended up now, the question i'm really asking is whether you regret the cost of events. forget your behavior for a moment or whether you wish that you never were unfaithful and still with sandra, how do you honestly feel? >> i wouldn't go that. >> caller: change things. in a way, i'm glad stuff happened. i'm not happy that i hurt her and so many people around her and my family and everybody else. i would never want to put anybody through that again. but i'm a firm believer that things happen in life to teach us a lesson. and there was obviously somebody that thought i was a strong [ bleep ] to put this adversity on me and push me to my -- damn near to my breaking point and things are, i think better now. there is some sadness there and some regret and guilt and sorrow and every kind of negative emotion you could imagine. but i don't think, you know, god -- how do you -- you know, if i could go back through my whole life and not make all of the mistakes that i would make, sure. yeah. i would be a perfect person and -- >> i got as far as the very early part of the book when i thought reading how your father hit you, punched you. was he not talking about just a smacked bottom or something. >> i probably deserved it. i was a pretty bad kid. >> but getting punched is different, isn't it? >> yes, i think getting punched in the face by my dad was -- >> horrible. >> yeah, it sucked. but -- >> why was he like that? why was he so angry? >> i think it was probably learned behavior. people are taught everything, you know. he probably learned it from someone else or his dad or someone in his family. i don't think that stuff comes out of the blue. i think there was problems with probably substance abuse and stuff like that and i don't really blame him for his actions. i still love my dad. and he's like the white fred samford. he was a great guy and we were buddies when i was growing up. i just think that kids was an after thought, you know. it wasn't a priority. it was like oh. [ bleep ] i have kids. it didn't control his actions. >> did he ever apologize to you for the hitting? >> no. >> do you think he should? >> no, i don't think so. i think that would -- it's kind of the dichotomy of me. it's made me who i am. it's made me strong. it's made me never do that to my kids. so, you know -- >> your big dream was to be a footballer. you had real talent. but partly i think -- >> not real football. not that. >> kick ball like you guys play. >> to be serious, it was a big dream of yours and you were talented. but reading the book, you drift into a life of crime, partly, i suspect, because of this abuse that you're getting at home. >> yeah, i think i was clinging to anything. i clinged to the wrong friends and the wrong crowd. on the football field i was like disciplined soldier. i would kill for my coaches and do everything perfect, every drill, every practice. everything. i would be the first person there and last person to leave. but as soon as football season ended, i didn't have any structure so i would steal stuff and get in fights and basically football was my family. that was my family structure and family life. that's why i have the work ethic that i have and i have team work and leadership and all of that stuff because of the football. >> to the extent that it was a crucial time in your career, really, you end up in jail. >> uh-huh. >> and you -- you've carried out some sort of armed robbery. >> uh-huh. >> when you think back to what you were doing then, do you recognize the man that you were then, the young man? >> yeah, i think it was foolish. if i could go back and change any one thing in my life, i would go back and get that scholarship to any of the 100 schools that recruited me. >> and do you think going to jail ruined that? >> oh, yeah, totally. because i was in jail for 90 days and all of the college scouts showed up to my high school to meet me the two weeks after the season was over and my coach couldn't lie to them, hey, where is jesse? we want to meet him and see how fast he runs the 40-yard dash and he had to tell him, hey, i was in jail. >> when you were in jail, what were you thinking? >> it was sad. i think it was -- i felt probably the most alone i've ever felt in my life because, you know, i didn't really have a lot of family to speak of and i just had the friends i made in there, you know, and it just -- it -- man, i'm glad i did it because i think it kind of -- >> aside from the mentality of jail life, in terms of you and your values as a human being, you didn't go back into jail so you managed to get out of the cycle when. when you came out, you must have came out and thought, this is not a life i want to lead. >> i think my senior year in high school when i missed over 100 days of -- in a year and almost didn't graduate, had to go to summer school and almost missed out on college scholarships and had to go to a junior college which was like a put down to me because i was such a highly recruited player and then hi to go to like a small school where all of the screw-ups go, it kind of said, hey, i've got to take care of business, you know, and not do that again. got to get a job and get responsible. >> and how hards with it it's not easy, was it? >> well, i was a juvenile and it was 30 days, 60 days, it wasn't really convict time. i'm not like minimizing it but i don't think when you're 18 or anything like that, i don't think people really -- they don't look at a guy that moves furniture for a furniture store, you're not looking at his record. >> let's take a short break. when we come back, i want to talk to you about this bizarre career move you made into -- i think bizarre, given where you've come from -- to become a rock star bodyguard. 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>> yeah. that seemed like home to me. soon after that is when sandy walked into my life. it was like the complete opposite. stable, has her own job and has a -- you know, well spoken and, you know, kind of, you know, america's sweetheart, you know, that typical girl next door, compared to something that was chaos, i kind of -- wow, that's what i need. that's the kind of person i need to be with, you know. >> when you first got together with sandra, tell me about the early days. where did you meet her? >> i met her at the shop. she brought her godson in to meet me who was a big fan of the shop and "monster garage." >> you're not a likely couple if you don't mind me saying that. when i first saw you together i was like, you're clearly a kind of -- you know, i would say exactly what you portray in the book. you're a bad boy. bad boy with tattoos. he's used to being a security guard at concerts. she's america's little sweetheart. you're not a natural fit. >> well, you know, you can't ever pick and choose who you want to be with. when you fall in love with someone and it happens -- >> it was love at first sight for you? >> i think it was for me to a certain extent. i don't know -- i think there was a courtship and we fell in love and, you know, it was -- it's pretty well documented. >> that's been how your life has been ever since. >> yes. >> you entered a goldfish bowl when you get together with a movie star, especially one of the biggest movie stars in the world, your life is no longer private. i mean, you found that out -- >> i've been like that since i was in junior high school. i've been one of those people that people like to tell stories about and talk about. you know, so i'm kind of fused to it on -- >> a magnet for gossip. >> yeah. i'm always the guy that everyone wants to fight and i'm always the person that people talk smack about. >> when you start going out together, as i say you're an unlikely couple. what was it you think that made it work for so long? what were the things that you had in common? >> i think, you know, definitely the kids and our like interests. and, you know -- i don't know. i mean, i really loved her, so, you know, i think frying to look back now at like what that one thing was that made it work, you know, i can't really name any one thing. you know, i think we -- >> when you asked her to marry you after six months, that's quite quick. >> uh-huh. >> you must have been sure then this was the one for you. >> i was pretty sure. >> did any part of you think you have a little devil on your shoulder, given everything you've been through before, did you worry that although it all seems so normal and nice and perfect for you, actually your character, your personality, doesn't allow that kind of thing? >> i don't think i ever had a devil on my shoulder or something like that. but i think myself, like, i had no business being in a relationship with anyone. you know, it could have been sandy or janine or carla or anyone and it would have never worked. >> why? >> the problem was with me. it wasn't with them or the relationship or anything. you know, because i never thought highly of myself or never loved myself. i was never comfortable in my own skin. you know, i was still trying to, like, put up this big front of, like, you know, i'm a bad ass bike builder or body guard or football player. any of the stuff i've tried to put out there and to try to maintain a relationship with someone when i don't like myself, it was doomed from the start. >> we're going to take a break. when we come back, i want to talk to you about the scandal that broke involving you and sandra. ♪ [ male announcer ] in 2011, at&t is at work, building up our wireless network all across america. we're adding new cell sites... increasing network capacity, and investing billions of dollars to improve your wireless network experience. from a single phone call to the most advanced data download, we're covering more people in more places than ever before in an effort to give you the best network possible. at&t. rethink possible. to my husband, there's no surprise that my work got better when i met you because i never knew what it felt like for someone to have my back. so, thank you. >> i mean, jesse james, that's painful to watch for me and i hardly know sandra. i met her once in my life. i think everyone watching it feels for her every time they see it because clearly she doesn't know what's coming. you didn't know what was coming but you knew what you were doing. when you watch that at the golden globes, just before i saw you at the oscars, what do you think watching that back now? >> it just makes me sad. it's sad that, you know, i -- not for myself but for her, you know, to put her through what i put her through, so -- >> i mean, do you hate yourself for doing that? >> i think i've forgiven myself for what i've done. >> has she forgiven you? >> i think so. i think, you know, she's in a place of forgiveness, and, you know and it just -- i mean, it sucks to have these kind of problems that, like, millions of couples have and everyone has but on such a global level, you know, because everything played out. you know, it was like wildfire and it played out in the media in such a horrible way. you know, like -- which, you know, seemed kind of unfair to me at a point. but, you know, i stood up like a man and took it on the chin. >> i mean, are you completely to blame? i mean, is the life of being with a big hard working movie star all it's cracked up to be? can it be lonely to be that guy? >> i don't know -- well, i think for everything that happens, i'm 100% to blame. you know, i take full accountability for my actions. no one was holding a gun to my head to do what i did. >> i want to read you an extract from the book you wrote about the moment that you tell sandra, because it was very powerful. sandy came in and sat down in a chair. i closed the door after her and sat down myself. we stared at each other and finally i told her the truth. i admitted the affair. i told her the hard details. i let her know i never loved this woman. i never cared for her at all. and sandy asked me why i had done it. but i had no answer for her. what do you think when you hear that back? >> it just kind of takes me back to that day. it was sad. you know, it's tough to tell somebody -- someone that you love, it's tough to tell them something when you know when you tell them you're never going to see them again. >> and you knew that? >> yeah, i was pretty sure. >> did she have any inkling about what had been going on? >> i think there was some suspicions which were right on her part. but, you know, it just -- you know, i think she was -- you know, it came out of left field. she wasn't ready for it or anything like that. >> you say in the book you heard a voice in the back of your mind that said, get out of this while you still can. >> yeah. i think, you know, i knew it was an internal struggle because i think turning to infidelity or something to, like, either stroke my ego or whatever it was, you know, i don't think it was a decision i made 100% willingly or vindictively or anything like that. it was a struggle. and it made me feel worse than before it happened. >> sandra is a pretty private person. >> uh-huh. >> how has she been about the book? >> i don't know. i don't really talk to her. so, like, i don't -- >> you don't talk to her at all? >> nope. >> it's really nothing? >> nothing.