to the three stooges? >> i was thinking ron paul is sort of a shemp. >> this is "piers morgan tonight." ricky gervais is here. he has offended pretty much every big star in hollywood at the golden globes last year. by coincidence, he's back again after offending just about every major star at the golden globes. welcome back. >> they took you back? the first time they said, why did he say all these awful things? the second time they were oh, we get it, they're jokes. >> did you want them to take it badly? >> no. and i don't think i said anything that bad the first time. they are jokes. i would entertain than people gasp. i cherish the gasps. they're just as good. >> not everybody seemed to enjoy your jokes as much as others. sir elton didn't seem enthusiastic. >> he had a grumpy look on his face, i don't know. at least he can still show expressions. most have too much botox and you can't tell whether they're smiling or not. but i made the decision, you don't pander to people in the room, there's 200 million people watching at home. you want everybody to enjoy it, but it's not a spectator sport and i tried to make it one. i really enjoyed it. >> i tweeted on the night how joyous you would have felt the moment you would have heard that jodie foster and mel gibson were making a movie "the beaver." >> too easy. >> i think you are single handedly changing the way all americans feel about awards ceremonies. they were the most sickening back slapping events imaginable. four or five hours of people telling each other how wonderful they are. you have tricked that balloon so spectacularly. i don't think any of them can go back to that anymore. that's why you're this national treasure. >> i think that it's fine if they want a mutual back slapping session. but don't televise it. because there's nothing in it for people at home. i've got nothing against those people. i admire a lot of them, and also it was -- this wasn't me going out there trying to undermine the moral fabric of america. they were gags. and it shows how badly the so-called stars took it. it's always people offended on someone else's behalf. you talk to the person and they go, i was fine about it. >> do you have a moral code yourself? >> of course i do. >> how would you define it? >> you can't, because it's not a set menu. unlike religion, i don't have a set menu. >> what is your litmus test? >> you can't. i have to sleep at night. that's the only way. this is the thing about offense, it's not right or wrong, it's about feelings and feelings are personal. so i'll give you an example. i did a standup tour here and i make jokes, ironically i say, about third world famine, cancer, the holocaust, aids. and this is the problem with dealing with tabu. some people, when they hear any tabu subject, they mistake the target with the subject of the joke. the reason i don't like actual racist jokes is not because they're offensive, because they're not funny because they're based on a falsehood. there has to be truth and honesty in comedy. i did this gig with all those subjects and i got a letter from someone saying i enjoyed the gig, we were laughing all the way through except we didn't appreciate the jokes about the holocaust. so they knew the jokes were a joke, but it was too much that's the problem with personal feelings. >> but are there -- >> you can't be objective. >> some people would say things like the holocaust should be off-limits. >> it depends on what the joke is. it's as simple as that. you can tell a right-on joke about the holocaust and about anything. i like walking that tight rope and i like the gasps and people realizing that it's okay. no bad at all can come from discussing tabu subjects. it's where it comes from and how it's discussed. and i think that i've always done it. things like in the office, it was clear because it was a character. when david went over, the only black guy went, i love sidney pothier, people knew he was uncomfortable. when he was talking about the disabled woman in the wheelchair saying there should be tests, they know we're laughing at his attitude. but when it's under your own name, they get confused. does he mean that? clever people know there's irony. they know where the satire is. you can't legislate against stupidity. the more you dumb it down, you lose the satire. so i don't apologize for people that don't get it. many people are offended because you exist, particularly you. >> for a very long time, you would have never imagined being in hollywood and now you are a superstar. what is the reality of hollywood excess? >> well, i don't know about that. i'm in my pajamas by 6:00 after i've worked out. i like glass of wine. but i don't really mix in those circles. the people i know in hollywood are usually are writers and directors and producers. i'm not -- i came to this business when i was nearly 40. i'm 50 now. >> is that the trick? is it to not be famous too early? >> i think so, and that wasn't intentional. i didn't hold back saying hold it, i'm going to be famous when i was 38. i was never trying to be famous and i feared it. >> is it a lot easier to be older and famous? >> i think so. i think it was oprah who said if you don't know who you are by the time you become famous, it will define you. and i think these things don't -- i love the work. you know, i -- everyone knows that we get paid very well. nice reviews are good. ry wards are great. but it's the work. i can't believe i get up in the morning and have an idea and it will get made. >> what i can't believe is the way you look, because we all fell in love back in britain with fat, chubby ricky. >> i wasn't fat. >> you were pretty fat and you drank a lot of beer. >> you didn't tell me that then. you should have said then, i would have worked out faster. i had to find out for myself. >> you were the standard bearer for the fish and chip eating, beer swirling bigger guy. >> i still do that. >> how much weight have you lost? >> not much at all. i think about 25 pounds. >> that's quite a lot. >> i've dope it by working out. i still eat and drink too much. but the next day i punish myself in the gym. i work out like rocky. and then i feel great. >> even your teeth look gleamy. anything done to them? >> those things in the luxury lounge once. didn't have clean teeth. you're rewriting history here. i had a few pounds. >> what made you go on this vanity kick? >> it was a health kick. it was christmas, i was 48, a couple christmases ago, and i had 11 sausages and i sat there feeling ill. the number of times i said, jane, i'm having a heart attack. and i thought, you know what? life is good. and i don't want to blow it. i don't want to go hold on, just -- >> by the way, it wasn't just me. this dashing feature of "men's health" magazine, this emaculate kickboxing, it says how ricky gervais totally lost it. he went from chubby loser to bad-ass comedian. his next act, losing the gut and gaining respect. >> that's good, isn't it? i'm glad i lived this long to get to that. >> where would you be without that? >> a fat, chubby loser who never cleans his teeth and stinks. ricky gervais died today at the age of 48 through sausages. death by sausage. that's a prison term. what? cut that. >> do you get more groupies now? >> i never got groupies. i've been with my girlfriend for 30 years. >> does she prefer you as a chubby loser? >> i think she loved me for both. when she met me, i wasn't a chubby loser. i was about ten stone. i used to do judo, karate every day. and then i hit 30 and got a job and went to the bar afterwards. i just got heavier and heavier. i would say through my 30s and 40s until you go, when did that happen? you think, that will never happen to me. and it does. it's so easy. but it's easy to lose it, as well. i haven't given anything up, by i preferred to do. i couldn't diet or do that. i can't give up my cheese and wine, but i can, luckily, because i'm self-employed, and i've got my own gym. i've got no excuse. i hear you've got trainers now. >> yeah, yeah. he doesn't want me advertisering it. let's take a break and come back and talk about twitter. you love twitter as much as i do and i like your work. >> thank you. ] lately, there's been a seismic shift in what passes for common sense. used to be we socked money away and expected it to grow. then the world changed... and the common sense of retirement planning became anything but common. fortunately, td ameritrade's investment consultants can help you build a plan that fits your life. take control by opening a new account or rolling over an old 401(k) today, and we'll throw in up to $600. how's that for common sense? 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>> "seinfeld," lovely show. >> it was good. >> i love broad comedy. >> i will treasure this, ricky. i'm so excited. >> ricky gervais on the hbo show "curb your enthusiasm." >> i love my career. i've been very lucky with the things i've been asked to do, but that was an absolute joy. it made my realize why -- when you play a twisted version of yourself, you suddenly find out the worst you make yourself, people can, he can't be that bad. so you really go for it to make it obvious. >> let's talk about twitter, because you came late to the game. you've become equally obsessive. you love twitter, don't you. >> i like it because it's the whole of humanity in your pocket. it's the best and worst of the world on twitter. there are some brilliant people out there, and there are some people that shouldn't be allowed sharp objects, okay? and i treasure them both. >> you sweeted this picture of yourself to say, on my way to piers morgan at cnn. i think i'll fit in well. what were you getting at? >> well, as a comedian, i thought i looked intellectual there, and cnn is obviously the home of intellectuals. so i was hoping i would have a go. but yeah -- >> you get very intense on twitter. you get into proper battles with people. >> yeah. but at home i'm smiling. when someone is arguing with me that the earth is 5,000 years old, yes, i'm smiling. yeah. of course i'm smiling. the fundamentalist view of the creation of the earth is rather like an episode of "the flint stones." so i have to laugh. >> how does your atheism, which you're passionate about, how does that play with your american audience, given so many people in america are god-fearing people and probably take exception to it? >> but they shouldn't. why should they -- i don't believe in their god or any other god and i say to them, tell me the reasons why you don't believe in all the other gods and that's why i don't believe in yours. i've got nothing against people believing in god at all. in fact, if it did make you a kinder person, if you did good things in his name, great. but there's the rub. it's when i see some of these religious fundamentalists saying that they've told their 5-year-old children if they turn out gay, they will burn in hell, that's child abuse. that has nothing to do with religion, that's child abuse. that's why i'm passionate -- >> what do you think of the republican nomination race, given some of the candidates clearly position themselves quite deliberately to say anti-gay marriage, all that thing based on their beliefs? >> just because they're offended by someone being gay doesn't mean they're right. it's a strange thing, being gay is a choice. being gay isn't a choice. you try it again. if it's a choice, have a go, see how much you like it. >> someone who has come to america and has become a classic american dream -- >> i came fat with terrible teeth. >> you were a chubby loser. >> no, no, america is fantastic. it's the land of opportunity, and there's bits of both cultures that i love and hate and the wonderful thing about being in between england and america, they are both the land of freedom and criticize them all you want, but know that you're in a place that allows you to criticize it and that's lucky and that's great and that should be cherished. freedom of speech for me is one of the most important things that is discovered. i'll fight for the right of it. even though i don't believe in god and i don't believe -- unlike most religions, i treat them all the same. i think they're all wrong, not morally wrong, but i don't think there is a god. but if someone said we're banning religion, i would march to not have it banned. because it's your right to believe what you want and it's your right to be wrong. and i'll fight for that right. >> let's take another break. i want to play you what steve carell said about you. >> can i have it cut and sent to me? 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[ male announcer ] one pill a day. 24 hours. zero heartburn. i'm piers morgan and don't be fooled by my british accent because that's all i got. tonight, the controversy surrounding this year's super bowl halftime show. joining me now is artist m.i.a. >> that was my debut on "saturday night live." i thought that accept was shocking. >> i'm glad he said he was doing it. >> everyone said to me, well dope, you've been humiliated on america's number one tv comedy show. >> it's very flattering. because we're british, we might see the differences, but to america -- at least certainly making out things that aren't that bad. >> should we play what steve carell said about you? >> yes, please. >> you have no idea what he said. >> i can't believe he would say anything bad about me. >> could you do what ricky does? >> not in a million years. >> why? >> i think i would just get too skittish. >> but you could play a ricky gervais character. >> perhaps. but to go in front of people -- >> and offend them to their faces. >> it doesn't mean that i'm a better person, i certainly don't have that kind of guts. it's funny, he always makes fun of me, always. and he's also in a personal way very sweet to me. like before one of these awards shows he pulled me aside and said i got a few things i wanted to go after with you with, is that okay? i'm like, of course. there is a gentler side to him people don't necessarily see. >> you're all heart, aren't you? >> he's such a lovely man, though. >> he thinks you're sweet, because you go up to him before an awardser is ceremony. >> if i had access to them, i would warn everyone. i've got nothing against people. >> do you like steve carell? >> he's great, he's fantastic and one of the loveliest people in hollywood. one of the hardest working guys. i don't know how he does it. >> he's got one of those heads that's just funny. >> because you know why? he's nearly handsome. it's like bob hope. if you look at him, he's chiselled, he's great, but he's got beady eyes. >> that was a compliment, by the way. >> he's very handsome. he's not imposing. he's not bland. why are we going on about how good looking steve carell is? what am i, chopped liver? >> let's talk about love. >> go on. >> how many times have you been properly in love in your life? >> with romantic love? >> i'm assuming women. >> yes. i meant as opposed to family and kittens. >> yes. proper romantic love. >> once. >> and you've been with the same woman 30 years? >> yes. >> she's a lovely, smart, attractive, long suffering woman. why haven't you married her yet? >> well, we are really. we are. >> and yet you're not. >> well, we share everything. >> do you think you ever will? >> never say never. there's no reason we're not getting married other than there's no point at the moment. i'm not digging my heels in saying we can't get married. there's no point. we don't want our families to meet. that's the thing. >> how do y you show your romanc side? >> i don't know. should it be -- is there a definition? i think i am very romantic. we've been together for 30 years. we're soul mates. no one knows the as much about me. no one loves me as much and that's mutual. i don't think you can get more romantic than that. i think buying someone a card once a year is irrelevant. that's not romance. that's a tick on a calendar. it's nothing. we like each other's company. we don't like anyone better. >> you've had this amazing career path, amazing in many ways. if i had the power to relive for you one moment, this is not personal, it would be professional, a moment in your life, what would it be? >> there's loads of things whizzing through my head but they're all from childhood. >> like what? >> i remember one where my brothers and sisters are a lot old enthan me. i was 12 and i was eating the corn flakes and i said mom, why are they so much older than me? and she went, because you're a mistake. so little things like that. >> little magical moments. >> it's so sweet. i remember when i went to do -- i went to -- i was good in school. sciences and i we