world. plus the reason i've got extra security in my studio tonight. well, this is what happened the last time kathy griffin was here. oh, my god, what's going on? what are you -- what's happening here? one of the world's most dangerous men may be dead, but one of the world's most dang ru women is still firmly still alive and in my studio tonight. >> i have no filter no class, no voice, no decorum. just fun. >> brace yourselves, it's kathy griffin, take two. >> how many times have you been properly loved? >> this is "piers morgan tonight." good evening. the death of dictator kim jong-il puts his third and youngest son in charge of one of the most dangerous countries on the planet, a country with a nuclear program and now an untested 20-something leader. no surprise that the chairman of the joint chiefs of staff says the united states will remain vigilant even though north korea has not made any unexpected moves. but how dangerous is that son, kim jong-un in jon huntsman says it's always a certain amount of craziness, his word, in northcally ya. he joins me now. a crazy place, not many people know that much about the inner workings of north korea. how much importance should we put on this shift in power? because on the face of it, a 29-year-old boy, a son in charge of this dangerous, crazy nuclear power should be a cause for massive concern. >> well, piers, you have a situation that isn't an isolated incident. it's in the heart of northeast asia. and let us remember that we have major economic interests in northeast asia. you take japan, you take south korea, both of whom are key allies of ours, you take taiwan, you take a big part of china, you take some of russia and that constitutes about 20% of the world's gdp. and when you have these kinds of international incidents and you have a crazy regime that starts lobbing short-range ballistic missiles into the yellow sea, it disrupts the flow of trade and commerce, it impedes economic growth in ways that hurts our country. our objective is to get this economy back on its feet. that's what i want to do as president. we have a lot of exports that go to northeast asia. and that means when you have these kinds of incidents, there's an economic reverberation. and i think that's what we need to be looking out for. therefore, our objective in the region needs to be stability. we need to be working very closely with south korea and with japan and in consultations with russia and china, all of whom have a shared interest in a stable korean peninsula and also a nuclear-free korean peninsula, which ultimately should be our goal. my concern tonight is that with young kim jong-un, 29 years old. he no longer has kim jong-il, his father, around. which means he now on his own has to start consolidating power. he has to win over the party apa rat chicks. this transition has been under way for a year and a half at least, but he's never stood alone. he's got to win those key components of the north korean elite over or he could be in real trouble. and there will be factional fighting and probably some feuds within the kim family. it's uncertain for at least the time being. >> let me bring in "new york times" columnist nick kristof. you've been tweeting about it in a most fascinating way. clearly north korea was a very despottic regime, wasn't it? millions of people it killed through starvation, through this horrible regime. tell me about the reality of north korea. >> it was not just despottic. this is the most total therien country in the history of the world, i think, because kim jong-il had technologies that stalin never had. every home in north korea that i visited had a speaker on the wall, and that speaker would wake you up in the morning with propaganda. it would put you to sleep at night with propaganda. if you -- triplets are considered auspicious. any woman in the country who had triplets was bound to hand over those triplets for the state to raise. there is a degree of control that you simply can't imagine. and it also means that the brain washing to some degree has worked. a lot of north koreans do genuinely admire the kim family because they don't know anything else. they have no other source of information. >> jon huntsman, you obviously were an ambassador to china. china is a key country, i suspect now, in what happens next with north korea and its relationship with countries like america. if you were president obama would you be picking up the phone to the chinese to make sure that there is nothing untoward that now happens? >> well, we have a shared interest in the outcome. we both want stability. we want stability on the peninsula. it isn't in anyone's interest to have a failed nation state on our hands. a failed nation state in north korea would see a flood of refugees cross the yellow river. that would be very destabilizing in manchuria, in the region where china has a thriving economy. the chinese are concerned about how this plays out. no doubt they're communicating messages to pyongyang. no doubt they're very concerned about the unpredictability of the regime. i know we sometimes think they're able to communicate messages on the part of the west from time to time, that they have great credibility and clout in pyongyang, but the leader in china, they're terribly frustrated with the unpredictability with the north koreian leadership. they're concerned about the future leadership of 28 million people where you have them starving during the winter months. a highly volatile situation. >> nick kristof, let's turn to the great successor as the son is laughably called. and i want to talk to you about the images come ougt of north korea showing the populous devastated beyond belief, weeping and wailing at the loss of their great leader. this is a stunt for western media eyes. >> i think that we all think -- are very cynical about this. i talked to so many defectors from north korea, and they overwhelmingly say once they reach china, they realize that chinese and south koreans are wealthier than north koreans, but until then many people in north korea really do believe in the regime. i remember one story about the bodyguard for kim jong-il and his wife was so aghast at stories of him womanizing that she wrote a letter to the party center complaining about this. that letter was then handed over to kim jong-il himself. he summoned the wife into a meeting, which that bodyguard was present and handed a gun to the bodyguard and gave the bodyguard the right to execute his own wife in front of this group and the bodyguard did. this is a regime in which a lot of people have really internalized that system. and i think in that context it's not surprising we're seeing those kind of tears at least among people who have a real stake in the regime. >> jon huntsman, i can't let you go without the mention of a certain election coming up in iowa. your poll numbers in new hampshire certainly are ticking up a little bit. a little hope there. some green acorns sprouting. >> listen, hopes spring eternal. and in new hampshire, where i am tonight, obviously, we've done 126 public events. we just based on the recent poll overtook ron paul for the number three slot here. i can feel the energy on the streets of this great state. this is still a grass roots political state. you've got to get out and earn the vote. it might not show up in the polls early on but as i approach the end of december and early january, that's when it matters most. i feel that wave effect in physics where once it begins, it doesn't stop, and it's going to take us right on into january because we're talking to the people here in new hampshire about the two deficits that matter most, our economic deficit and our trust deficit. because people in this country no longer trust their institutions of power. they know that congress needs term limits. they know that we've got to close the resolving door that allows members of congress to become lobbyists. they know we've got to deal with banks on wall street that today are too big to fail. nobody else will talk about them and their messages that are rez a naturing with the great people of this state. -- >> jon huntsman -- >> exactly where we sit today. >> jon huntsman thanks very much. and nick kristof thanks as well. ow great is the danger to the world now with kim jong-il's son in charge? joining me is dr. henry kissinger. dr. kissinger, thank you for joining me. i suppose the obvious question for you with all your experience in this particular region is how dangerous do you think north korea really is in the global scheme of things? we don't know much about the country. we don't know much about their nuclear capacity really. in your sense of what you've heard about it, what do you thing? how dangerous is north korea right now? >> north korea as a state has a considerable blackmailing capability because they have a large concentration of artillery aimed at the city of seoul, which is the capital of south korea, and has a very large population. so they could inflict huge casualties. as a state in a normal military conflict, the only strength of north korea is it capacity for suicidal measures, but not for sustaining a long range conflict. i don't think that north korea as such can go beyond certain limits if china, the united states, japan, russia and south korea can come to a common position. and i would think that the most important objective for the u.s. government at the moment is to get some agreement among these countries about restraining any domestic upheavals or any shows of strength by north korea. >> clearly china is a very, very important part of this process going forward. knowing the chinese as you do, what do you think they'll be feeling now? will they be concerned about this transfer in power, new guy, the son is very young. he's 29. >> so china does not want north korea conduct an aggressive policy. but it also doesn't want north korea to collapse and thereby run the risk in the chinese mind of western military establishments moving up to the yellow river, which is right very close to the centers of chinese industrial strength. so the chinese are in an ambivalent situation. they don't want a conflict, but they have not yet figured out how to help in eradicating the elements that might produce a conflict. >> just changing tack for a moment, although on a similar theme, obviously the american president has to deal with the fallout of jim congrejong il's may be a new president. when you look at all the candidates for the republican race to be president, which one of them from their foreign policy statements is the one that you think is most suited to be president of the united states? >> i have tried to stay out of the debate but in the republican party i'm sure that everybody will be against north korea possessing nuclear weapons. everybody will be against north korea proliferating its nuclear technology. and everybody would be opposed to north korea pressuring its neighbors because it cannot go on that a country of such bizarre governmental structures can blackmail the world with its nuclear capability. >> dr. kissinger, thank you very much indeed for your time. >> pleasure to be on. coming up next, she may be the most dangerous woman in television. watch out, america, kathy griffin is back, unleashed and live. just one phillips' colon health probiotic cap a day helps defends against occasional constipation, diarrhea, gas and bloating. with three strains of good bacteria to help balance your colon. you had me at "probiotic." 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[ male announcer ] get the venture card from capital one and earn double miles on every purchase, every day. go to capitalone.com. i wonder what it could be?! what's in your wallet? for some unfathomable reason, i've invited comedian kathy griffin back on my show. six months ago she straddled this very desk in an attempt to apparently get me thrown off cnn. it didn't work. but she's back again. and we like to live dangerously here, so why not? the coverage of a complete lunatic to having a complete lunatic. welcome back. >> thank you, anderson. i'm just thrilled to be here with you and the team at 360. you know, i've never had henry kissinger open for me before. usually when i do the clubs or in my case the sold out show at carnegie hall, maybe somebody with a puppet or a harmonica. dr. kissinger, he laid them out. he killed as we say in comedy. >> women over the years have told me that henry kissinger is an unlikely sex symbol? >> are you hanging out with jill st. john? nobody in my demographic knows what you're talking about. >> would you find him sexy through his voice, the brain. >> the voice alone. my pants fell off during the commercial break. that's how much that voice gets to me if you like the sound of a vibrator losing its batteries. >> can you see henry kissinger, to be serious, actually a movie sound guy, coming after the break, lord of the rings. >> like the old moviefone guy? i think there's a career in voice-over for him. i'm always thinking outside of the box, but that's me. i'm the idea man. >> i want people to take part in this what will be an embarrassing virago between you and i. if you have any tweets that could embarrass my guest tonight, send them t to @piersmorgan right now and i promise you the more offensive they are, the more likely they will be read out. >> absolutely. first of all, my twitter is called @kathygriffin, if you want to send them to a real star, send them to me. what were you saying, anderson? >> are you looking forward to humiliating anderson on new year's eve? >> i really look forward to that night. our fifth year in a row. i've got some things planned -- my dream is to make the screen turn into a bar code. you want to hear some rustling, anderson's mike goes dead, then you just thing it's a tornado warning. >> you could get him off air. >> i know i can. >> you can create a three-hour special for me every night in one swoop. >> absolutely. >> come on, do it. >> i have plans. i'm going to drunk dial wolf blitzer. >> like that. i heard you were going to give him a roofy. >> what's a rohypnol? >> a roofy. >> a roofy is let's say a sedative. >> is it rohypnol? >> yes. >> do you do any research for the show? do you read? are there cards? >> i never heard it called a roofie before. i haven't spent as much time on the streets as you do. >> i have got to make a live. i'll give anderson a roofie, because he's a gangster. >> do you fancy him? >> i do fancy him. not as much as you, of course. wow. anyway, i have a special on tomorrow night on bravo. >> can you save this shameless plug till later? >> the name of it is funny, tired hooker. you already implied i work on the streets. take it back. >> the last segment for the shameless plug, you know that. >> go back to dr. kissinger. he's a ratings grabber. like you asking kissinger who he's going to endorse. that will get a lot of folks. team bachmann, oh, please. as if she knows who he is. >> you must be sad she's not in the race any more. >> the rest of those nut bags -- it changes. that's the nice thing about the republican race this time around. you've got your buddy jon huntsman who was just on. who i believe his fame and fortune came in the form of styrofoam packing at mcdonald's. isn't that what his father did? that's why he should run the country. >> he's too normal to be president. >> i will say out of that panel he's sort of the closest thing to a moderate. but this guy is in favor of civil unions but not, of course, equal marriage. that's what we believe is separate is not equal. i guess out of that bunch, he's sort of moderatish, but i'm an obama person. >> you still are. >> why wouldn't i be? >> a few people come on and say they're disappointed. >> i did see your hard hitting interview with m mary j. blige with her political leanings. i couldn't take my eyes off her wig. >> whether it's you or henry kissinger. >> first of all, you're right. those two should be mentioned in the same constantly. i want to ask mary j. blige if she's turned on by henry kissinger, then you call me. >> i'll find really embarrassing questions for you. >> good luck. i got a pap smear on television. how are you going to embarrass me in i'm here. what's more embarrassing than this moment for me? this is the worst moment of my career. >> really? >> i think i would be better off like signing autographs at a mall in culver city. >> somebody told me you're still doing mall appearances. >> i did mall gig sunday. >> it was utterly embarrassing. >> it was great. i'm around with people, not running around with the royals. >> you have to be, clearly. tell me about your mall work. >> i've got a 91-year-old alcoholic mother. those boxes of wine don't buy themselves. so i've got to hustle at the mall, and by hustle i mean whatever it takes. >> someone says ask kathy what she finds attractive in you. >> about you? the way that you think you can keep up with me is so cute and endearing, it is kind of warm and fuzzy, just the way you think you're getting away with stuff, i find adore anl. >> last time i won really. >> oh, really? >> you lost complete control. straddled the desk. you came at me like a hungry hyena, you tried to smothy me in kisses. >> you were tweeting it while -- my boobs were in your face and you had to tweet right now. >> have you ever been with an ice cold man. >> it was rough. my butt looks great, though. i still got it piersy. that's my crime. i still got it. may i call you piersy? >> you may call me whatever you like. what have you still got? >> a banging bikini bod. it's a burden at this point. honestly, there's thoughts going on up here. but what can i do? >> i don't know. >> it's half my living. mostly i do bikini modeling, then some stand-up on the side. >> how is your relationship with your toy boy going? >> what are you talking about? where do you get your research and development. >> are you dating a younger man? >> yes. >> how much younger? >> youngerish. >> how many years? >> a few. >> come on. >> more than three. >> what? >> more than four years younger. >> is he more than ten? >> yes. >> more than 20 years? >> no. >> so 15 years? >> you s.o.b., i could literally -- >> are you and this man on the picture right now having sex? >> yeah. >> and he looks at least 20 years younger. is he? >> no, but -- >> 15? >> i'm excited you think he's legal. that's exciting for me. that's a small victory for me. that means that the l.a. county sheriff is off me. >> he's a good looking young guy, that's a stallion. >> wow, wipe the shock off your face for one second. okay. sweetheart maybe the flies in the suburb of london or wherever else you hang out, but here you're darn right he is. >> do you recommend toy boys? >> well, i think that there is -- i think i have a better chance of being asked out by a younger guy than a guy my age, for sure. how old are you? >> i'm 46 but i look younger. >> i thought you were like 60. ouch, that's got to hurt. now how much botox are you going to get? >> i've never had any form of surgery at all. >> oh, i can tell. >> well, i can tell you have. so we're both -- >> i'll show my stitches. >> let's have a break, show me the stitcheses after the break. after the break, kathy griffin's plastic surgery stitches. >> not here. that's all real. >> put them away. and then i also like how the kardashians have the way of talking. hi, i'm a kardashian. i'm so bored with my money. i don't know what to do with it. start the tape. all right. so -- [ laughter ] she said out to her friends, i would rather you hear it from me than someone else in the news. the news. like this is the news. you know, not the debt ceiling or the presidential election, no, it's all about kim and her divorce. >> that's from kathy griffin's "a tired hooker" her special tomorrow night. your earlier special "50 and not pregnant" is unbelievably grammy nominated for best comedy album. >> my fourth grammy nomination in a row. >> you ever won? >> no. only two women -- i can't do that, right in this is just a fist. i wasn't going to raise one finger at all. just go oh, grr. i'm a bitter, bitter loser. i'm always angry at the competition. i don't take it well. i usually storm out of an awards ceremony. that's why they can never show me when they show the different boxes and the other women -- other contestants in this case just going -- not me. i'm flipping the bird. i turn to whoever is with me, let's go! i don't take it well. >> what do you think most celebrities when they sit through the awards ceremony, i always imagine they're seething with fury when they lose. >> absolutely. >> why else would you be there? >> you're there to win and livid when you don't. but i also gather material for my act. when i saw you at the party but apparently your plus one was able to work magic. >> you spent your life on the d-list? >> no, it's a. >> double a. boy toys are keeping total on twitter. >> i like how you're basically making me the new madonna. i remember the madonna boy toy belt. >> we call them toy boys in britain. >> robin williams next week or someone from take five. i don't really know the british boy bands any more. >> someone said, my dog just barked at the tv with kathy on it in a weird way. >> yeah. you're asking if i would have sex with a dog. >> no! >> offensive questions. >> would you date kim jong-un, the new leader of north korea? >> the new one who is 27 is a little old for me. a little out of my age bracket. we don't know his age, of course. we can change it. if he was maybe 21 i'd go for it for sure. i like a man with power and a serious way about him. >> that's why you're here. how much of kathy griffson fake? >> do they mean my physical body or my personality. what about the personality? do you think? you talked to me in my life. >> reasonably fake. >> you think i'm reasonably fake? i can't believe you said that. do you know you're on television? >> yes. >> you know this isn't a webcast. there are tens of people that watch this. tens of people night after night in countries, i guess. >> tell me about your fake body. >> my fake body. >> how much have you spent keeping this young? >> the body part is all real although i did have lipo one time. and the fat just grew back like a chia pet. have you seen the obama chia pet? it's very funny. at first i thought it was a skit. you can apparently buy a pot that looks like president obama and water it and he gets chia hair. you can't write that. anyway, and then the boobs are real. >> you spent money on body wise that you're most proud of? >> none of it. it was kind of a waste of money actually. it didn't really work. it doesn't really take. it doesn't change your life. i was supposed to turn into jennifer aniston. i struck a verbal deal with my plastic surgeon or the voices in my head, i'm not sure which, and that was the deal. but no, i haven't done that for a while because it doesn't really do anything. >> in your special you have a number of targets. ryan seacrest -- >> do you know her? >> you said if ryan gets the "today" show you'll never be watching it because you hate him. >> i never said that. he's adorable and witty. he must be stopped. he foisted the kardashians on us. and now he has to pay. >> what's wrong with the kardashians? >> did you go to kendall's supersweet 16? >> no. >> you don't find it that she gets a range rover for her sweet 16 and that's the day i blow my brains out? you don't think there's a coincidence. >> don't you admire their work ethic. >> i think i heard you say work ethic. but i do admire kris jenner's attitude. i wish i had a female pimp. that's the only thing i'm missing at this point. >> what do you make of the extensive 72-day marriage? >> that's heaven for me. because i did two four hour-long specials in one year. never been done by any comedian male or female. but by special three or four, the whole marriage was over. that's a bonanza for comedy. >> was it a scam or true love hit a rocky path? >> i love that you think they started with true love. i watch that show every week. now i'm watching "kourtner and kim take new york." >> the mere fact that we're talking about them adds to the brand because they rely on the -- >> yes, of course. so i enjoy watching them. i enjoy their whore makeup. >> that's a bit cruel. >> i love when you try to make a decent guy. i like when you have the family here that's a big get for you. you can get them for the opening for an envelope. so really congratulations. nice job with the booking department. how did you ever score -- they were going between their sears appearance and -- >> the booking department is the best booking department. >> it's over, boom, that's it. >> talk to me about demi and ashton. you mock them in your show. >> i mock everyone. that's the deal. those nikon ads are a little ironic and ill timed because we hear about his possible improprieties and infidelities, i thought it was fascinating when chelsea handler sat in this chair and suggested it was a three-way that went wrong. >> she casually dropped that into conversation. >> you live for that. >> of course. >> and you kept giving her a way to correct it. no i think they were probably having three-ways. after a while one of the people on the three-way didn't want to go any more. it was funny. >> maybe it was true. >> i don't run in that posse. >> -- incredibly attractive but a woman of -- >> a certain age? >> yes. >> i'm all for it. >> dating a younger guy. do you worry about your position? >> i love that you have a position. because i'm open to all positions. i'm not stuffy like you are. i'm open minded and adventurous in bed. i assume we were talking about that? >> why don't we talk about it in the break and when we come back we'll talk about jane fonda and cher. >> perfect. two of my faves. [ male announcer ] tom's discovering that living healthy can be fun. see? he's taking his vitamins. new one a day vitacraves plus omega-3 dha is a complete multivitamin for adults. plus an excellent source of omega-3 dha in a great tasting gummy. one a day, gummies for grown-ups. ♪ i don't mean to upset you ♪ to trouble or torment you ♪ when i say some thins that might not make you proud ♪ ♪ i guess i'm trying to apologize ♪ and frankly that's a new one for me ♪ >> season six of your bravo show "my life on the d-list" end this year. you must miss it. >> that was so much fun to do that show. there's my mom on the show who is hilarious. and she was truly a natural. an unscripted reality show. because you could not get that lady to say whatever you wanted. you can't walk all over her the way you do with me right now. >> someone tweeted here ask her mary one, sleep with one, drown one. >> you're talking about mary blank kill. >> mary sleep drown. >> marry sleep or drown. they're very specific about the type of death. okay. so i would drown you. >> mae, seacrest and kim cash dashian. >> what were the options? i'm sorry. i would set you on fire. drown the other two, then kill myself. i would actually drown myself last. >> i'd like to drown you right now. let's move on. in the "hollywood reporter." >> which i wrote. >> on ageing. women you admire, jane fonda, gloria steinem, marlo thomas, gloria vanderbilt. >> yeah. >> tell me about the cult because i had jane fonda in here recently. >> that was a great interview. >> amazing. she looked incredible. 74 years old. >> she's hot. >> what is the secret to getting away with looking hot in your 60s, 70s? >> i'm not in the class with those women. fonda was always a beauty since barbarella and her work is fantastic. she's got the fitness stuff. but for me, something happened when i turned 50 where i just stopped giving a you know what. and there's something liberating about that. and i just -- i don't know. i started eating better and that stuff. but those women have a way about them that is so sexy and attractive. the reason i'm pals with them is because they have so much knowledge to impart, they're fascinating. and they're really fun. every one of them is a riot and they're living proof you got laugh. >> she's very combative. >> she's very bright. she's not taking your guff. >> my guff was going down quite badly. >> she's been through quite a bit. an amazing body of work. her work's in activism and always controversial and fearless, and i love that. >> who do you most admire? >> i admire those chicks. i like them all. i had my 50th birthday, the tale of two glorias. dinner with gloria steinem, then i went to an event with gloria vanderbilt. i love these women because they represent so much to me and they're smart and vibrant and beautiful and funny. and you know, gloria steinem gave me this great hilarious lecture about how -- can you say vagina on cnn? >> it's a body part. >> sanjay gupta said it all the time. she told me that my vagina lining would get thinner around turn into rice paper and i should be careful with larger gentlemen. >> where are you going with this? >> then i go to glo vanderbilt's house who says don't worry, your vagina is fine. then i call suzanne somers and she gives me those hormone creams and now my vagina is as thick as the berlin wall. what do you got? >> what we call in britain, my p-45. >> is that a firearm? >> whenever you get fired. whatever they give you here. >> pink slip. that's what i call my vagina, a pink slip. that's not even offensive. >> you're not on a medical show. >> i thought we were on discovery. have you seen the virgin diaries? a show about virgins who they kiss for first time and it's superawkward. what do you think about amber from teen mom going to jail today. >> i never heard of amber. who would care? the leader of north korea died today. who cares about teen mom? >> because i met one of the little chocolatier. >> who cares? >> that's a spin-off of little people, big world. and they're little people who make chocolate. and i know them. in your face, morgan. is it morgan? >> this is, what's up with her neck? >> what's with my neck? >> not it. oh, you're blushing. >> oh maybe. i was on the cover of "out" magazine and they did a vintagy madman type look and made my neck look swan like. >> let's take a break and talk about lindsay lohan and her naked body in "playboy." >> my vagina lining, we can measure the lining, get a gurney. >> shut up, please. >> doctor! >> i want to stay on air the next ten minutes at least. 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[ male announcer ] ask your doctor if cialis for daily use is right for you. for a 30-tablet free trial offer, go to cialis.com. i thought i was invincible. i'm on an aspirin regimen now because i never want to feel that helplessness again. [ male announcer ] be sure to talk to your doctor before you begin an aspirin regimen. talk to your doctor, and take care of what you have to take care of. can i be honest? >> yes. >> i feel like i've let the viewers down. i haven't gotten you fired. i haven't really sworn the way you know i can. >> right. >> what is your address real quick? >> you know what i've done -- >> what's your phone number? >> you've shown that you can do live tv with the best of them. that you don't need to resort to -- >> jokes about -- >> whatever, yes. >> kathy griffin hosting cnn's new year's eve coverage with my poor unsuspecting colleague anderson cooper. you're doing it again this year for the fifth time. god help the poor guy. >> you're always getting bleeped. >> she's been and asking for embarrassing questions. you need to have a moment. lindsay i know you're watching because you're tweeting me. can you now tweet a question for kathy. and if it gets here in the next ten minutes, i'll ask it. >> we'll do it. >> let's look at a picture of you first from "out" magazine. now -- >> okay what's your question? >> nothing really. just wanted to see it. okay. let's move on. >> let's go to lindsay lohan. >> where's the lindsay picture. i didn't want to discuss the picture of you naked, i just wanted to see it. >> it speaks for it search, by the way. >> there's lindsay. that's an amazing picture. >> i have that same chair. >> what do you think of lindsay lohan? >> i love her, i think she's talented. not afraid of controversy. i've met her. very nice girl, very bright girl. >> what if she came on the show -- >> this is the second time you spent the whole show trying to book another show. >> you are well connected. >> very well connected. >> can you get cher? >> did i hear you correctly, did you come out during the commercial break? >> no. >> good for you. >> i'm not even a secretly gay man. >> yawn. those are the most fun. >> really? >> yes. >> who is the most interesting person you talked to on this show that surprised you? who turned out to be surprisingly interesting in the chair? >> present company excluded. >> am i the first person to ask this question? because you seem thrown. time's awasting. you're on tv. >> chaz bono. >> why? >> i thought he was a very interesting, intelligent and brave courageous young man. >> is that your way of saying you're going to get some sort of surgery? >> i think you'd be a pretty, pretty lady. >> no you don't. >> well, i think with some work you could. talk to your friends the kardashians. >> chaz is single, i hear. >> i thought he was engaged. >> i'm on top of the pop culture. >> you really should see my standup. >> it's over. >> the engagement. >> then i'll get off the teen mom beat and get on the chaz bono beat. >> he's become a typical man. >> you're really helping the man's movement, which is suffering. >> talk about hollywood for a moment. >> i'm fascinated by you literally refuse to not only plug one single thing that i'm doing or have coming out -- >> i don't care what you're doing. >> you you won't acknowledge that i'm a professional comedian on television. >> nobody cares. >> that is not true. and you -- >> let's be honest. >> you wanted kissinger for the hour? >> yes. >> he was really keeping up with you. >> he said two segments. you. >> got me for seven. i'm going to stay after you go home. >> i love having you as a guest. who would be better than you? >> who? >> jack nicholson. >> you have a bizarre stalker fan thing with him. >> no, i really want to interview jack nicholson. >> he hasn't done an interview in 40 years, what's going to make him break his streak with you? >> i met him once. >> he forgot. what else can i do to you this hour. >> let's take a break. >> you with the breaks. >> just go to my website. capital one's new cash rewards card gives you a 50 percent annual bonus. so you earn 50 percent more cash. if you're not satisfied with 50% more cash, send it back! i'll be right here, waiting for it. who wouldn't want more cash? [ insects chirping ] i'll take it. i'll make it rain up in here. [ male announcer ] the new capital one cash rewards card. the card for people who want 50% more cash. what's in your wallet? sorry i'll clean this up. shouldn't have made it rain. back with my absurd guest kathy griffin. >> energy. you're like this. tired hooker tomorrow night on bravo, go to my website. >> why? >> it's very funny. i don't think everyone should. i don't think ryan seacrest should watch it. >> how many times have you been properly in love? >> you are insane. you have lost your mash ems. you are not awloud to ask me that question. that's the question in my act where i make fun of -- i didn't mean to reveal that tonight 37. >> how many times have you been properly in love. >> about 2,000. >> if i could give you five minutes to live. >> i like that you are shaking with anger because lindsay lohan has not tweeted you back. >> i'm not happy about it. you you are unable to converse with a human being. >> if i could give you five minutes and you could relive any moment of your life, what would it be? >> the first five minutes of this show, and here's why. i would have on running shoes so i could run faster away. and i would literal sit in nancy grace's lap until she made it all better. she's a real -- >> five minutes, the best moment of your life. >> it's going to be when lindsay lohan tweets you, is going to be the greatest moment of my life. >> i'm trying to get you to be serious. >> i don't do it like that. a great moment on stage, carnegie hall, the audience is laughing, and i'm making people laugh, how about that? >> you are really -- where do they teach you? i mean, a moment, you know, i -- >> one you just, if you could relive it now. >> i've had some really good -- like a good sandwich. have you ever had a good monte cristo sandwich 1234. >> why are you not serious? >> i'm just not serious with you. >> why? >> i have trust issues. i love the uncomfortable silence. how can you start with -- then you don't tell me -- i tell you you what, and